It's as easy as breathing in
Hold it
That's good
Now exhale and wait
You can almost forget that memory
In a matter of seconds
And if not forget
You can manage to not care
At least for a little while
Let the smoke fill your head
And let it to be louder than your fear
I'll even endure a coughing fit
To expel the words I don't want to say
They ask if the escape is worth the problems you always return to
Every ******* time, yes
Of course they'll be there
Where would they go?
Even when I improve
My problems only grow
And if I *** in a cup
For whatever reason
And displease your delicate opinion
I'll indulge in your honor
God knows you might need this more than I do
Now zone out a little
Stare into nothing
The good kind of nothing
Not the other kind that you find in people's eyes
Like in times they want something from you and they know they're gunna get it
Or moments you ask them for something and they never reply
Or when they apologize over something they were never apart of
Because the tragedy isn't about you.....
It's about how they can fit themselves inside of it
Take another hit
Float on this one a while
Let the tense of your muscles ease
As if I spend the day trying to stay inside my skin
Like it's become too small and uncomfortable
Now I can expand and I breath without my ribs caging me in
Red eyed suicide
Artificial tears will make them clear
Better than vice versa
When the real kind of tears make it look more suicidal
An oxymoron in this case
Giggle at a pun
If you have a buddy then do a shot gun
Don't remember to forget
And keep on forgetting
It's as easy as breathing in

I face the self I cannot see
The one I secretly want to be
The one that scratches, itches and screams
Who's longing to be me

I face tomorrow cause it came today
And I wasted it all wishing for yesterday
Not a choice was made nor a helpful change
I'll do it tomorrow anyways

I face the question that no one asked
Who is the one behind the mask
They peak behind and accept at first
But neither them or I can ever last

I face the reason, the excuse, the game
Of being delightful while going insane
Would it be better to blend in with the same shade
Or to streak the whole picture with the stain of my name

I face the reality and truth of my life
No good as a girl, a woman or wife
Yet a sinful saint I've strived to be
Burning for the reasons I believed to be right

I face my addictions to being addicted
I face the struggle of being self inflicted
I face the honesty of all of my lies
I face yet allow all conflicting contradictions

I face the obvious yet cannot see
What I even want for me
If not to suffer or have delight motivate
Then I know myself only to never be

You're alright
No I'm not
Keep it together
I'll fall apart
Don't keep it inside
I can't let it out
Talk through the panic
Forget what I'm talking about
Look for more answers
More questions appear
My presence is annoying
I don't speak out of fear
Be honest with me
Unless it's something you don't like
Tell you my problems
End up getting into a fight
I can relate to you
Then why don't you understand
I have nowhere else to turn
Except to the shaking in my hands
Do I look ok
Am I going to die
I'll make sure I'm quiet
Next time I begin to cry
I'll be there for you
Except for when you can't
Convince myself it's nothing
But I don't stand a chance
Write it all in book
But how can my words help me
Because when I try to say it aloud
It's only making you angry
Say that I'm just a guilt trip
I'll take that in my head
When you ask if I'm ok
I'll smile and lie instead
I guess that's breaking the trust
But I saw that coming already
I'll listen to your side
And try to keep my side steady
I wish I was more independent
But when everyone is dependent on me
I tend to forget how to fix it
And let my inner demons feed
How should I make it better
What can I do for you
Tell about your problems
Anything I can do
I don't want to bother you
Especially when you don't want to be
I'll figure myself out alone
And just pretend there's nothing wrong with me

These thoughts are unhinging
My words have stopped clinging
No solid tune to help me keep singing
I wonder to what end my actions are bringing
I flee the discourse at a moments bidding
And still I cannot keep myself from swinging
Frying the meat that keeps me believing
Slurring the speech I've been using since my upbringing
I'd beg to be alone if it weren't for myself that I've been fearing
The space is thick and nothing is moving
My voice of reason has started assuming
That my reckless life is of one of my choosing
Is it to myself or to others that I'm proving
The worth that I just pretend to be using
While I smile at another's undoing
You see me at ease when I'm viciously fuming
It's your tender intentions I'm lovingly ruining
And in the midst while I'm consuming
You awe at me unaware of what I'm doing
While all along I've been quietly hinting
That your state of mind is slowly slipping
Into mine and now it's dripping
From all the truth that you've been missing
I will not harm if you're not committing
I will only whisper if you avoid screaming
I'll kiss it away if you leave behind hitting
I'll bleed for you if you let me do the spilling
I never forced you into this realm of unfeeling
But I'll certainly say that you were most willing

You said the blue eyes were for liars
And green of those with no soul
I happened to be a brown eyed girl
With little to no self control

You said words were the pathway
To the strings that tie your heart
Giving me the slack willingly
And I tug them slowly to break it apart

You said we would be trouble
Of that, I already knew
Yet seeing as how I stand here now
It seems the trouble wasn't you

You said your forevers
You planned without goodbyes
You cling upon my person
And now I retreat my eyes

You said we'd die together
Well, we all die, I suppose
I felt the time in me slipping
And felt the illness grow

You said it all so lovely
You said it all so true
And here I'm left with clarity
Of the things I'll never say to you

So never make a promise
And I won't make one in return
Because promises will be broken
And bring a lesson never learned

I'll say that I love you
And quietly walk away
But love doesn't mean forever
And words, once spoken, won't make a habit to stay

Present past and future
You'll never see it pass
And mark my words, though I have none
It's always over too fast

It's okay
To walk away
I've never been one
To really stay
I'm sure you're better off this way
To flee my eyes
And escape my sway

It's okay
I'd even say
You're starting to see
Some better days
No more thoughts in disarray
No more wishing
And creating a fray

It's ok
It was a most convincing play
Though I'm afraid
The original message was not relayed
I did not break you, so, I need not pay
For the mistakes you spoke of
Were the lies you unknowingly made

It's okay
I feel no rage
There's no use
For a war to wage
Part us in our perspective ways
Still my friend but in the end
Not the kind that should stay

I feel the urge to halt
To take no step further
I'm creating a breaking fault
Just to stay together
Forever young
In photographs
And in present
We remain as such
Our health we have
Or what is left
We have enough but not much
If I move I move with time
And time will slowly take away
All my precious memories
And evict my soul
My body to lay
No longer next to yours
Only photographs locked in a drawer
If I dare let the seconds pass
They part me away from you
And so I cling and clench and ask
To let me follow too
If I sleep and wake another day
I erode a little more
So I dare not sleep
I dare not creep
Or else my time in ensured
I would waste no more seconds
To the dreams of nocturnal bliss
Because reality tends to overflow
And it's your face I viciously miss
Yet I know it's false
In wishing a stalemate with time
And any second spent with you
Is never a waste of mine
And if this small amount is all that I get
I'll indulge it by your side