mindless
careless

                        *****.


helpless when it rains and he says, i'm alone at this coffee shop
i'll make you tea

powerless
to his book collection, singer voice, fingers

wordless
when he reaches the end of his
                                        
                                          investigation
                                          so called destination

invent and deny and deny and invent just to have an                  escape route.

endless

so you look out at the ****** city and see the bright lights of waking up and you want to think it's ugly
ugly as this situation
ugly as your conviction


it's beautiful as ****

regardless.




i love someone else.

you
smell
like:
somewhere
in
between
Sahara desert
and
raspberries

soft body,
you
cradled
my hands
as if
they
were
infants. precious babies from the stars.

we could get lost in the beauty of this if you want,

or we could kiss cross legged on the hardwood floor even though my parents are in the room next door and the sound your lips make on my neck is a dead give away.

love is not for hiding

although if you were listening you could hear
the
ardent,
synchronized
breath
the brief collapse of two humans into each other,
a
pile
of
heartbeats
and
explorations;

this is different. this is different because i am choosing so and because it is un rushed and  because you are

lingering.

1) climb a mountain
2) let the cold wind procure hidden tears,
it's true what they say about running from your monsters you know
3) stretch your arms and scream and be not afraid of any part of the beating of your heart
4) when clarity reaches your head, fill the entire valley below with your radiating

love

old school rap,
you always tried to tell me and i couldn't listen until you were gone.

sunny open window naked romping music
moving forward from your empty body music

pale skin but not as pale as yours
was.

when i met this new
person
, he said

                                          it's time for new songs
                                          something to mark this page with

but i just keep rereading your obituary

it's like this:

you breathe on my neck and say i'm beautiful; a painting

and i pronounce to anyone that asks that i'm single
as if i have something to prove

convince myself i am superior
i am wiser
i am independent

only to arrive unannounced in his sheets and seize him for mine, filling the vastness in my chest with his naive skin

snowy sunlight on your sleeping cheeks,
i left a note on your chest that said

i'm going, and i don't know where.