tonight is for                        chain
                                             smoking

the thing about cigarettes is that they never stand me up
or tell me i'm second best

leaning against brick
lips pressed against nicotine
                                              reliable
 ­                                             consistent
satisfyin­gly self destructive:
turning pieces of me black

i keep at it
until my throat is                stripped raw
bereft of the words i'd never say anyway.

the moon is closer to the earth
than it has been in seventeen years

your face is closer to mine
than it has been in undying sleepless nights

and as i pretend i never burned every expanse of that skin and those crinkly willow eyes and the way your mouth moves when you tell a lie
to my insomnia infected memory

i wonder
if you recall how my face looked when we met
how my hand touched your cheek when i told you i'd never love another more
the way i tried to absorb all the sadness from your veins

i wonder
if you recall me at all.

the sublime light of the moon is consolation enough
for now.

what happens to us?
what happened to you?

i think you are the beat inside of me that is not my heart

and that it does not matter where i go,

your memory shakes
in
my
hands
and my knees.


it won’t be long, love

what happens to us?
what happened to you?

i think you are the beat inside of me that is not my heart

and that it does not matter where i go,

your memory shakes
in
my
hands
and my knees.


it won’t be long, love