words
       actions
  feelings
                selfish - all revolving around me.

awareness fuels the fire
      in my stomach
but nothing is done
                 to change.

I can't shake
        this sadness within.

each sniffle
      only ignites current
                frustrations.

maybe when I accept
       being upset
                    my emotions will alter.

grey hills swarm above

longing to dwell

providing everything below

with nourishment yet

leaving some feeling empty

in the midst of my deepest
  depression I ponder Why.
What is the point of me being
     on earth? I feel as if I
am not contributing, not helping,
  not aiding the world. I don't know
how to use my gifts to impact others.
   The question repeats in my head
Why have I been given life?
      A real answer I still don't know.
But I am certain I am here
to experience all of these emotions
and to build relations, supporting
one friend at a time. I think of
older societies, living to live - find food,
build shelter and enjoy the wonders
of nature. I have decided my purpose
is to breath in each moment and enjoy
   what I feel now, today.

I stumble
                            You reach out to steady me
I fall to pieces
                               You walk behind catching it all
I criticize myself
                                You never agree
I put myself down
                                   You bring me up
I curl into a ball
                              You wrap your arms around me
I shed many tears
                                 You wipe each one away
I laugh as you tickle me
             You smile knowing our love is here to stay

I yearn for your
    warmth - your strong
  presence next to my side.
I put my arm out hoping
    you will fill this empty void.
Tonight I need your company
  your support. I need to
know that I am still loved,
   everything is okay. I am
               not alone.
The world isn't crumbling but
  I hurt. I wish you
were here because only you
   would silently understand.



RIP. 7/12/08

Please don't ask me
   to be responsible for you.
Please don't expect me
   to check in on you.
Please don't assume I
   will remember your big life events.
Please don't bring me
   your drama that your unwilling to change.
Please stop repeating yourself
   and running in circles.
Please. Just stop.

I'm tired of being your friend.

And I know I said it a million times
a sensible girl like that
just pretending that we’re cool. So tonight
it’s for the best you didn’t listen.
And me, falling for it screaming that I’m right
when I still see it all in my head;
but the grass ain’t always greener on the other side.
I’ve drowned and dreamt this moment;
eyes on fire and they burn from all the tears;
so I’ll be on my way -
we don’t even have to try.
Let me know
all your giving me is fiction
looking for some trouble tonight.
And so I tell myself that I’ll be strong,
I wasn’t finished dreaming, about your lips.
How can you understand something that you never had?



[Maroon 5 - One More Night, PSY - Gangnam Style, One Direction - Live While We’re Young, fun. - Some Nights, Taylor Swift - We Are Never Getting Back Together, Taylor Swift - Red, Justin Bieber - As Long As You Love Me, Adele - Skyfall, Pink - ******* One Last Kiss, Alex Clare - Too Close, Owl City - Good Time, Flo Rida - Whistle, Neon Trees - Everybody Talks, ke$ha - Die Young, Ellie Goulding - Lights, Chris Brown - Don’t Wake Me Up, Ne-Yo - Let Me Love You]