It's hard!
I wish someone could just wake me up and tell me otherwise,
tell me that it's all just a dream or at least tell me that it was just a trial run of how his funeral is gonna be when the time comes.

Yes I was there when his coffin went down.
Yes I was there when they covered his coffin with sand.
Yes i was there.

But it is hard!
It's hard to believe that he is no longer.
Why did you take him  away from us?
See now you left us with so much pain.
Yes he was in pain but why didn't you heal him like you heal the others?

You know at times when I am at my house I hope to see him passing by carrying his small bag, wearing his formal clothes and his formal shoes shining as always bese athi " Kgola my baby uphi uMa wakho, o ba bolelle gore ke teng" and he will always give me at least R10 when he goes back to his place just to say tsa ngwana wa nnake.

He will always shout at me for calling him malome, he would say " ntombatana ke ntatemogolo wago gake malome wago bo malome bago ke Thulane le Bongani uyeva"

I guess my heart is still bleeding for him for he was the only ntatemogolo I knew from my dad's side.

[Praying] Ka leina la Ntate,la Morwa le la moya o o galalelang
Amen!

She cried while praying

For she never ever in her history felt this way
One could say it was tears of joy and love:
[Praying] Modimo ntate ke rata go go leboga fa okile wa ntshegofatsa ka neo ya motho yo o gapile pelo yame,ke raya sona serunkgi sa pelo yame.Ke lebogela lerato,boikobo le tlotlo yo o mo neileng yona.Ke lebogela fa o mo tlisiitse mo botshelong bame.
Amen!

At the other hand one could say it was tears of fear:
[Praying]Modimo wame yo ke mo rapelang bosigo le motshegare ke wena o itseng maikaelelo a gagwe mo gonna ka jalo kopa o mpontshe tsela gore ka nnete ke ena yo a tshwanetseng pelo yame.
Amen!

Since day one she made sure that she never skipped a day without looking for the answers from the one Above.

She prayed and prayed and prayed and she is still praying not only for her or him but for them:
[Praying]Modimo yo ke mo rapelang bosigo le motshegare,Modimo yo ntirelang ntho tsotlhe ke ipaya pele gago keleng ngwana wa gago mo se sebaka go go kopa gore o babalele kamano ya rona, fa ele ena motho yo ke moratang gape ke batla go tshela le ena.
Amen!

She is really praying, hoping and trusting that this relationship will last.

You should see her when she talks to him
You should see her when his name lights up on her phone
You should see her when she talks about him
You should see her when she hears his name
You should see her when she sees him
You should see her smile when she thinks of him
You should see her
She becomes….
She becomes happy
She is in love
She loves him
She doesn't want to lose him

Her love for him begins at forever and ends at never.

         _____________
Prayer 1: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit. Amen!

Prayer 2: Father God, I would like to thank you for the rich blessing of a sincere heartwarming soul, I am talking about the one who captured my heart. Thank you for the love, humility, and respect you’ve given him. Thank you for bringing in my life. Amen!

Prayer 3: The God I worship night and day, you the one who knows his intentions for me therefore I ask you to show me the way, if this is really the one for me. Amen!

Prayer 4: The God I worship night and day, the God who provides for me, I put myself before you as a child of God asking you to protect our relationship for he is the one I love and want to spend my life with. Amen!

At the back of the back yard there was a small alluring flower flourishing. Always trying its best to glow in order to be noticeable.
Ever trying its first-rate to be as soulful as probable, remarkably that someone can lay their eyes on and take care of it but instead people kept on striding on it for it wasn't a plural one but singular.
It was divergent
Nobody understood it.
Nobody understood where it was materialize, so they kept on striding on it hoping for it to decease but it didn't.
It kept on rising like Maya Angelou once said:
You may **** me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
It kept on rising and rising to a point it got tired
It got tired of always trying without any appreciation and it suddenly lost everything it had.
It lost its colour.
It lost its leaves.
Its seeds kept on falling.
And that was the end of it oh well let me rephrase it, it was thought as the end of it.
It was thought as a deceased flower and those who wanted it deceased were glad.  
But came along someone it’s been longing for.
That someone picked up on all of the seeds and planted them, took care of the flower but because the flower thought of itself as dead it didn't want come back to life.
And that's what she thought of herself, a deceased flower that will never come back to life, which will never rise again.
He really tried proving to her that she can rise again but it was hard for her to believe cuz of her experiences of people always striding on her and not appreciating her.
It was hard for her to love herself but even at times she couldn't love herself he loved her secretly.
And the time he spoke his heart to her all she could think of was him being one of the people who once strode on her.
Even though he haven't strode on her, his past made her think that he might. So she kept on rejecting him.
However the rejection didn't stop him.
It made him stronger.
He kept on trying.
He went milestones just to show her how much he loved her and that's when she gradually fell for him, that’s when her mind started fighting with her heart.
Her mind was telling her not to fall for him because of his past.
But her heart was telling her to forget about his past, accept him the way he is and give him a chance to become the person he wants to be.
She followed her heart and analyzed her mind and through the analysis she realized that her mind was filled with all the negative words she's been hearing from people about his past instead of his words.
Then she stopped listening to people but him and that's when her heart and mind fell into an agreement and that's when she gave him a chance to have her heart.
Calling back to mind, the flower didn't want come to life but it ended up being happy to come back to life because of someone. Now it is as beautiful and colourful as it was before. It is alive.
She is alive.
Everyday she falls for him.
Everyday she realise that he is the one she wants to grow old with.
Everyday she prays to the one Above to protect them in their relationship.

This one is for you Phemelo Mokwele.I know I might not be the perfect girlfriend but I just wanna thank you for appreciating, accepting and loving me for who I am.
Your love has truly given me the biggest strength in the world

For some...
Love is finding peace.
Love is finding joy.
Love is finding happiness.
However, love for me it's a different story.
Love is the reason why I became a murderer.

[laughing] I remember it was on a Saturday,not quite sure of the time but what I remember is that it was that Saturday we were suppose to go out but he cancelled our plans.He told me that his parents came over to spend a night with him.You know this was a bit strange, normally when his parents come over they always invite me but then besides that it didn't make sense, like it didn't make sense at all, just last night he told me that his parents went on some business trip in America.

I was trying to make sense of this, so I texted him, he read my message and didn't reply,I called him, he hanged up, that's when I knew that something was going on.I got in my car, went straight to his apartment and when I got there,I saw a car I could recognise, for a moment i stopped and prayed.I stormed to the house. Because I got the keys I opened without knocking and that's when I saw them,I mean him and that girl he said is not his type, cuddling on a couch. I couldn't think,I couldn't think straight,I couldn't believe what my eye were seeing.I took a knife and started stabbing him,he screamed telling me that he can explain I didn't care less I continued stabbing him up until I saw him down on the floor, the floor was full of blood,he was drowning in his own blood and I was drowning in my own tears. I stood there next to him,asking myself how can I do such a thing to a person that I love that's when I took my phone called the ambulance and the cops.

Love is the reason I am going to spend the rest of my life in prison

Written:Kgolagano Tshela-02 Oct 2015

What’s wrong with me?
That’s the question I always ask myself
What’s wrong with me?
What is it that I don’t have?
Am I ugly?
Am I too tall?
Am I too skinny?
Or am I not your type?

Well if I am not your type, then why did you even bother?
Why did you bother yourself telling me that you love me?
Why did you?
You should have said it in the first place that I shouldn’t raise my hopes because you are only there just to walk me half way
But because I was stupid, I was blinded by the idea of being in love
I let you build me with words
Words that took me up to the peak
Without realising that by the time I am going to fall I am going to fall hard

Every night and day I cry
I cry for you, I cry for us, I cry for my own happiness
I cry for the smile that I used to have
I cry for the smile that I didn’t want to break

I cry for the fact that I have to let go of you
I have to let go of somebody I truly love
I have to say goodbye
They say goodbye is a painful way of saying I love you
But I don’t want to show you that I love you through saying goodbye

My heart fought with my mind for what I wanted and now it has to fight to let you go
Every moment I talk to you I feel a stab within my heart as I come to realise that the tears that fall from my face are truly blood from my broken heart

I never thought I’ll ever relate to Beyoncé and Frank Oceans
When they said…
[singing]"I miss you like every day just want to be with you but your away
I miss you
I am missing you insane"
Every night and day I miss you
And that makes me wonder if it’s too soon or late
Because it hasn’t been too long since we broke up…..

Every time I see your name whether in my phonebook, facebook or whatsapp, I start to relieve the best of our days
When we used to call each other at night and you be like [singing]“she got me up all night” relating to Cole and Miguel
Those days are gone

Sometimes I tell my friends that I am over you and I don’t wanna go through that again
I tell them that I wanna see you happy and I am okay of letting you go
But sometimes I go on a milestone and think of the way to let you know that I still **** love you
So I start to click on your facebook even though you offline
Start to ask myself why I don’t just ring you
And tell you how I feel
But I will just stare at your numbers and cry

Cry because…
The only person I’ve ever loved left me with a broken heart
A broken heart that is hurting, lonely and jealous
A broken heart that is confused
I don’t know if i should be happy that we are “friends” or cry
Because that is all we will ever be
Friends

I never regret loving you only believing you loved me too
I loved you, I love you still and I will always love you

Love will come and go but you will remain in my heart forever