It’s 11pm and I’m I’ll messed up
I didn’t mean to waste your time
I’ll fall back in line
And I’ll be ok
And you’ll be ok
I know your giving up

All my exits look the same
Am I the only problem
Left to blame
I’ll hang my head
Its heavy lift
My anchor down
My tired smile
A never chance
You’ll soon forget

You’ll close this door
And run away
And I’ll become your cloudy day
Never was and never more
Came true today

I liked being lonely with you
Aren’t you broken
Just like me

Life is not a love song
Life is finding
Love
Life is finding
Souls that burn
Souls that smolder
Souls that earn
Forgiveness

Each day I’m trying
I wait on better days
Aren’t you waiting as well
Even when there is no star in sight
Can you see the light
Can you see
That everything
Will be alright
Just like me

So I wait
Until you find me
Wait until the sky is a landslide
And you lift your head to see
That I never wanted to be
This broken piece
In your memory

Can I call you tonight
You can tell me
what you think about me
Tell me what’s real
It’s just how I feel

I pull in thoughts of you
I’m tired of pretending
I don’t want you
I’ve always wanted you

What would it feel like  
To see you from the inside
To hear the echoes of love and pain
To hear your life ringing in my ears

And what would you do with me
Broken fixed and broken again
My heart wrapped around a girl
Who will never be mine
never resting my heavy head
on tender clouds that she hides in her hands

I won’t call you tonight
I would think it’s mad
And tell
Myself
It’s not true
Her and me
It’s not true

You are perfect to me

With all your scars
from heavy wars
With all your armor
on the ground
you stood with arms
to hold my war
against your chest.

You are perfect to me

With quiet pain too loud to share
With smiles hidden behind your shell
I saw your soul and breathed it in
Part of you was part of me.

You are perfect to me

With shattered pieces on the ground
with perfect shapes of  perfect hell

And all the world was laying there for all to see and all to feel. You let me see your broken things you let me feel your broken things.

You are perfect to me

On gravel roads you met me there
You took my pack and layed it there
rest my friend you told me then
and held my lips to your cool drink and brushed away the loneliness.

You were perfect
To me.

My tears will sing and always bring
your song of strength
and hallelujah rings a different note of love
and pain and empty chords
of never more and I will love you even though
I understand
you had to go.

You will always be perfect to me

My heart beats heavy from this day.

A breeze unfurls my saddened brow and blows through sunshine looking down.

I watch the world watching me and shrug the pain from this tree.

I feel the grief and let it pass
I feel it take
whatever’s left in me.

And when it’s done and when it’s free
it roams the sun and roams the breeze.

And all the world will move along
and the world will never see-
this tree of mine
arms outstretched like branches do
and leaves like tears reach the ground
watering roots I’ve dug so deep

Grief is a whisper in the wind
filled with tears
full of pain
full of gusts
That never remain

I raise my arms to let it pass
Lay my head and close my eyes and learn to smile through my knives.

I wait for winds to come and go...

feeling hearts that also know that grief can shake your solid soul
and bend
and break
to lose control.

And yet I stand
Refuse to bow
Refuse to go
Standing
Leaning

Telling the tree to love
Again

I send this gift on Christmas Day

It’s not wrapped with bows or tags
Wrapped up tight with tinsel swag
It’s not a gift of silver and gold
or in a box for you to hold...

It’s not a stocking full of treats
Or fuzzy slippers for your feet
It’s not a cup of Christmas cheer
Or family gathered far and near

My gift for you will always be
Something felt but never seen
Something special in between
Your smile like stars upon my tree

And presents come and presents go
Melted fast like winter snow
My heartfelt gift to you sweet girl
Are words not shared outside our world

When you fall
Asleep

And dream of days

And gifts of love come your way

Always know
you make my heart
Feel like
Christmas
Everyday

And forever was here and gone.
We stand like pictures against a wall.
And everyone can take their turn,
watch them fall.

Take a look at yesterday.
Some in black and white.
Take a look at yesterday,
adjust the frame to look just right.

It's all there in 8x10
it's happy times and remember when
it's happy times and remember when

I'll dust you off and hang you back.
In the light you look so young.
We live forever down a hall,
I hang my head, pass us by..... the memories hung.

It’s so easy to say yes.
It’s all I want to say. I want to pretend again. I want to play.

I want to look inside the skin of a young man and clutch his yesterdays and hold it in my palms and breathe them free. I want his anger and hurt to leave with the spirit of a young girls touch. So the pain will come and ache will go. Dull and stinging all the same. Sharp as sun, bright as blonde. Let it go.

My angry heart and shouting soul
Is ice up on the mountain snow

Happy never meant for me to see
The end of day I made for me  

And I have to be
Inside a Man that can’t break free.

I will scrape my cup on bars in cage
and yell to guards who can’t hear me,
I’ll watch you from the other side
And rage and rage
Until I’m free
Until I’m free.

I am broken and bent and unspoken stillness grips like a steering wheel. I can’t tell what’s right what’s wrong what’s high what’s low. I can’t tell you what I want. I can’t tell you when and if it’s ok. I don’t know. I like you and I hate me. I want to press against you and I want to push you away. I have never been here before, yet it seems like I have always been here.

I want you to go away and never call my name again

I want you on your back with your boots on my shoulders. I want to hear you moan. I push and push and push and push and push………..

I want you to go away and never call my name again

I want you on your back with your boots on my shoulders. I want to hear you moan. I push and push and push and push and push………..

All these days, met with sighs let this finish with my goodbye.
Morning came, coiled then spent. Our greetings placed on stoves of hate.

If not today, then when my heart.
My time is yours to empty out.

It will wait for better days
Or better times
or better men.
I am none of them.

It's time I told you the day is gone. Curtains hung and your work is done.
We watched and saw a last goodbye, waited for you to draw your breath and then
Let the cold come by and say hello. Do you remember our plump days like candy wheels we ate like fools?
Do you remember hungry love we starved on. I do.  
I see forever end. You were there. You promised we'd be together and we were.
I didn't know forever was just for you.  
It's time I told me the day is gone, a dial tone and then hang up.
I stand in the kitchen my ear pressed against the air to see if I can hear.