In the beginning, it was...sublime.
you changed me; made me better.
moments sighs touches caresses, skin on skin
burned into my memory.
Remembering it now; a small
shiver running up my spine.
A deep breath to calm.
In the beginning, you made me feel beautiful.
Desired.
Wanted.
New experiences for me; never felt before.
Nobody took the time to look at me the way you did.
And nobody has taken the time since.
Another shiver.
Another deep breath.
In the beginning it was fire.
But a flame soon fades away.
The secret escaped, and you backed away.
Leaving me stranded. And alone.
Deep breath.
You stole my happiness, and left me
swirling in a sea of doubt; no raft
of self-confidence for me to cling to.
There were a few times it seemed
you were holding out your hand.
But you were only leading me on,
jerking the raft out of my reach every time.
Deep breath breathe breathe
don't forget to breathe.
In the end, it was ice.
No heat no love no help nothing's wrong
I'm fine, really.
As I continued to carve out my pain on my own skin.
You wouldn't notice now, but the scars are still there.
Lines in the sand.
Took me over a year to get my happiness back,
with some help from a few good friends
I found my own raft. I rescued myself.
But at a cost.
The ice is still there. It holds my heart
because I am afraid.
I am afraid to let the ice crack
to let someone else in
what if it's too good to be true
what if I'm not good enough
what if
what if.
My heart stays frozen.