The ink they drew on our arms faded with each day.
They told us it would last forever, but they knew nothing.
We had said forever, but we, too knew nothing.
We thought we could do it,
We knew it would be hard, but we were committed, willing to fight.
Until the fights lasted for days,
Until we grew tired and hungry,
Until, instead of battling together, we battled against one another.
And then with each passing second,
With each look of desperation,
With each sigh,
We grew apart.
We were slowly dividing.
The miles that separated us were nothing compared to the silences.
We blamed everything on that,
We said that the distance that separated us was merely physical, but it was emotional too.
So 2 years ago we gave up and called it quits,
But you called me the other day
To be honest, I hadn’t thought of you for a while
And when your face light up the screen on my phone
It darkened my day
I had forgotten about you
Not accidentally, but through lots and lots of sleepless nights
But you called,
And I remembered
It all flooded back and I hand’t been prepared
So I sank back into our past
Our history
Whatever it was that we were
And this poem doesn’t really make much sense,
But neither did what we had
We would talk, hang out, hold hands
Then we wouldn’t speak
You would call, we would drink coffee, longboard, and as if we were truly flying,
They days swept passed us uncounted.
Then you wouldn’t look at me during school
And you wouldn’t ever actually date me
And you wouldn’t make it facebook official
And everyone knows that if you’re not FBO, then it’s not real
Or at least thats how it was in high school.
So I left, I moved away, I forgot
Then you would call again and we would talk and laugh and even cry.
Remember that time you told me you loved me?
I forgot about that too, until you called the other day
You said you loved me and my world fell shattered
You dropped a bomb on my complacent life
And the buildings and routines crumbled
And like that Glen Hansard song,
We were falling slowly
And in a hopeful voice, we had said that we still had time,
But I was a thousand miles away
And you had a girlfriend
And time had run out
What we had in high school, whatever the hell it was,
Wasn’t going to work this time.
So we stopped talking
And those letters that I wrote to you freshman year are scattered along some backroad highway in Kentucky
And yeah I know you’re not supposed to litter, but I had to get rid of you somehow
I had to wash your smell off my skin
To erase the words we had spoken
So fine me!
Because this has already cost me everything
Remember those nights when we would lay on deck and look at the stars
It sounds so cliche now,
But those were the nights when nothing else mattered
When the world was just you and me
Remember when we said we would move to Colorado
We would buy a cabin in the woods
I would write books and you would read every last word of them
You’d teach me how to snowboard
And I’d fall, but you’d pick me up like you always did.
And we’d go home and eat chicken noodle soup
And you would hold me until we were no longer frozen
But thats all just a memory of something that should have happened
A frozen dream that will never thaw out
Why in the world did you call me?
The scars had finally healed, but you had to go and reopen them
You took a scalpel to my heart
And I don’t know when I’ll ever stop bleeding.  
I read once that we will never forget our first love
And I don’t even know if you can call what we had love
I don’t know if you can technically love someone that you never even dated
But I’m throwing all technicalities out the window.  
You were the first
and the only boy that I have ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I wanted to travel the world with you
To be so lost in each other that the maps would never be able to tell us the way home
Because just like that other song,
you would be my home
Because Home is wherever I’m with you
But now your just a memory
A healing wound that sometimes breaks open
One I look at now and believe will never heal.
But eventually, over time, if you ever stop calling me, it will.
And sometimes I’ll look at the scar and remember you, but I’ll feel nothing more.
So as hard as this is for me to say,
And as much as I wanted it to work out
Please, please don’t ever call me again.

I found a bug on the sidewalk today
And I picked it up to bring to you
Because I know how much you like bugs
But as it crawled in the darkness of my intertwined fingers
I realized how much it wanted to fly
And I didn’t want to be the one to stifle that
So I opened my hands and it flew into the sky
And I realized that life isn’t meant to be lived in a cage
Because that is one messed up life
Living behind bars
Only seeing the daylight
But never feeling the burn

I remember when scraping you knees brought tears to your eyes
But now I want to scrape every bone in my body
And rise with the skyscrapers
To touch the clouds and shoot for the moon
And even though I’ve missed the bullseye,
This red cape has caught the bulls eye
And I’m no superman,
I’m just a girl looking for a average man.
My gun is cocked and loaded
But the game of russian roulette always has somebody losing
And all I can do is hope it’s not me
But hope seems to only be brought by Obama these days
And I don’t know if I want his hope
When it’s only brought for the praise
And its bought through a haze

And those kids with their bugs and scraped knees
They aren’t learning music or history or art
Because the truth is they aren’t learning anything at all
And 10 years from now, they’re going to be sitting in the mall with a baby on their hip
And an unreachable dream on the tip of their tongues
And it gets swallowed down by every glare of all the other mothers walking there.

But the truth of it is
It’s hardly their fault because
Their education was taken from them
The money their school lacked
Was shipped overseas
And given to soldiers
And I appreciate my freedoms as much as everyone else
But not when they come at the cost life
Not when innocent people are dying
Not when I know that your friend or my brother or her sister could die
I don’t want that kind of freedom
Because that’s being bought at much too high a price.

For freedom can be found elsewhere
Freedom and hope never come from governments
Or rulers, because they have us down on our knees
And the cold metal of their guns is felt on the back of our necks
And they force us to pledge allegiance
To something we don't believe in

So with my right hand over my bleeding heart.
I’m saying ***** it, because I don’t want it
I turned 18 and signed up to vote
But I never check a box in my life,
Except those ones to get into college
And when I checked those, the pen felt so heavy
Because I knew they were boxes that many didn’t get to check

So here’s to the kids that have never had someone to pick them up when they fall
Here’s to the teen parents whose own parents led them astray
Here’s to the soldiers fighting in an unending war
Here’s to the kids in the ghetto who are looked down upon because of the color of their skin
You know, the ones that never had a chance to begin
Here’s to the kids that are chasing their dreams and breaking the stereotypes

Forget what they said
You are strong and you are capable
So follow your dreams
And don’t look back
Run towards your goals
And never lose track
You can be whoever you want to be

Don’t forget those times when you said you wanted to be a doctor
Or a lawyer
Or an astronaut
Don’t be swept up into the world of I cant’s and I don’t know hows
But leave that world behind,
Flying high into the sky
Be the heroes, the super-mans, the ones that bring true hope
You’re the freedom
You’re the hope
You’re the star of a black sky and a sold-out show
You’re the one that everyone wants know


And when you feel caged in,
Remember to open your hands
Let go
And find your freedom

I thought I could trust you
I thought I could once again love you
I thought I had forgiven you.
But here I stand,
Feeling anything but grand.
It’s that time of year again, you know?
The time when you always go.
The time when You get up and walk away
The time when you can no longer stay.
It’s not hard to tell when you’re lying
The tears left behind from last time are still drying
You didn’t give me enough time
Before you committed yet another crime
For you and your love I only sought
But pain and tears is what you wrought.
I used to want to by you be needed
But now your words are not even headed
You lied and you cheated
And now I don’t even need to be seated
I can stand strong
Even when you tell me yet again you’ve done wrong.
Who am I kidding?
Of this pain I am ridding
Or striving to anyway
But this pain, it will never go away
A part of me you have taken
And my heart you have forsaken
You don’t even see the mess you’ve made
When in her bed you laid.
I am dying
And all you are doing is lying
In that filthy ******* bed
Can you not get it in your head!?
You bring more pain than we can bear
This family apart you will tear
***** you! ***** You and your desires
For all I care you can burn in the fires
You and that women
You and your sin
God I hate you!
Don’t you realize, this is your cue
It’s time for you to walk out that door
Like you did so easily many times before.
You said you were sorry
You said you loved me
But that was a bunch of ****!
A bunch of crap and you didn’t mean it.
All you wanted was for us to be together
For us all to be bound by a tether
You didn’t want us to be separate
But it was all way to late
You did’t realize the havoc you had wreaked
When love was all we seeked
You didn’t realize how You hurt her
When you into her bed did she lure
I’ve never felt so old
When momma in my arms did I have to hold
She cried and cried
And to console her I tried
But she just laid in my arms and wept
For in someone else’s bed you slept
You drilled a knife through momma’s heart
Wether or not you meant to play that part
She will never be as happy
But it is now that I do plea
Please go away

We don’t want you to stay
At your disgusting face I cannot look
For it was my trust, love, and life that you took
You stole with no second thought
You didn’t realize the hurt you’d brought
Please don’t come in
I cannot look at you and your sin
And now here I am weeping
The pain to my outside is seeping
I hate not only you but also myself
And it’s compromising my health
I no longer eat
But look in the mirror and my body do beat
I’m killing me
But no one can see
This is all your doing
Not because she was so good at wooing
I want myself to hang
To no longer In my chest feel this pang
I want to leave this terrible place
And you and my fears to no longer face

I am 17 years old, sitting behind a computer in the dimly lit living room.  
It is dark outside and I just arrived home from working a 9 hour shift.  
My body is exhausted and my mind is even worse.
For some reason, it is completely silent in the house.
That kind of silence that is so loud.  
The silence that doesn’t make sense.
A rare occurrence, and so I am not only bewildered by it,
but I am also somewhat frightened.
After 10 minutes, my mother walks in and quietly walks upstairs looking more worried than a man who is on his knees in a back alley with a gun pointed at his head.
My father follows her and climbs the stairs with a strained look on his face.  
This is it.  
This is the moment we’ve all waiting for.
This is when the world stops moving and the sun stops rising and the rain stops falling.
I hear the hushed whispers coming from my parents bedroom.  
My mind tells me to run, to leave it all and never come back.
But my feet are glued to the ground, I cannot move no matter how hard I try.  
My father walks down the stairs, the wood boards creaking beneath his weight.  
He’s not a heavy man, but his broad shoulders and tall stature could scare any little kid.
He comes over to where I am sitting and kneels down beside me.  
He tells me that he has cheated on my mom and is leaving for a while,
At least until everything gets “straightened out,” he says.
I’m sorry, but you could you please explain to me,
What the hell that means?
How do straighten out that kind crap?  
He says he sorry and he knows he has messed up.  
His rehearsed words spoken like an award winning actor.
I don’t believe a word of it.
This isn’t the first time and I can tell you right now, it isn’t the last.  
Some kids are afraid of the day when their parents tell them they’re getting a divorce,
But that is a day I hope for.
I long for when my mom walks in my room and tells me dad’s leaving for good.
You see, he’s never touched me, and he’s never gotten violent.
He doesn’t drink uncontrollably and he’s generally pretty quiet.
But when my mother walks in and leans against the wall, the look on her face says it all.
Her cheeks streaked with dried tears.  
Her face aged at least 10 more years.
She sinks into the wall
And he leaves.

An hour later.  
I am lying on my bed in the dark with my head throbbing, unable to cry .  
All I want is the salty taste of tears in my mouth
The sweet release from the burning pain in my eyes.
I am replaying the words spoken in my mind.

Whenever he comes home, I’ll lock myself in my room.
He won’t come upstairs and knock my door.
He’ll know I’ll need space.
I’ll never come out.
I’ll hide in the dark, because facing my fears is the only way I’ll know I’m still alive.

I have a question:
How do you tell a child that it’s all gonna be okay?
How do you look a kid in the face and tell him that even though father beats him every night,
The bruises will eventually fade?
Sorry kid, you might not have bruises, but you’ll definitely have scars.
How do you tell a teenage girl that the pain will pass?
How do you look her in face and tell her that even though she was *****, she’s luck she’s alive?
Sorry honey, you might not be dead, but you’ll have to deal with fear every time a man walks by.
How do you tell a women that God will understand?
How do you look her in the face and tell her that even though she just had an abortion, she’ll eventually forget the pain?
How do you tell your own mother that everything’s gonna be okay?
How can you look her in the face and tell her that he didn’t mean it?  
When he cheated on you, he didn’t mean it.
How do you tell your little sister that dad will come home, when you know that she never wants to see him again?
How do you look someone that has driven a knife into your heart and tell them that you forgive them?

I think we overuse the word sorry.
I’m sorry I dropped that
I’m sorry I spilled that
I’m sorry I didn’t say that
I’m sorry I hurt you
I’m sorry I didn’t help you
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

I think we also overuse the word okay
It’s okay
That’s okay
It’s all going to be okay
Okay okay okay

The worst thing someone has ever told me was,
Honey I’m sorry, but it’s all going to be okay.

And the best thing was,
You’ll have days when the pain is unbearable
When walking out your door is your biggest accomplishment
When getting out of bed means living
There will be days that you think you won’t make to the sunset
And there will be nights when you believe the sun will never rise
And one day you’ll look in his eyes
And tell him you forgive him
And on that day,
it might finally
be okay