My Late Mother is Late for Work
My late father is dead




The End

I walk by still waters
I look out on to the lake
Swans graciously gliding

The End

He thought about it
but never did it
She did it
but never thought about it

Ivan has got a big fod
He’s also bit of a barmy sod
He thinks he’s Sean Connery
But he’s no even honary
Ivan has got a big fod

Ivan has got big tash
He loves to eat bangers and mash
He sits staring  into space
With a blank look upon his face
Ivan has got a big tash

Ivan is a real nice guy
I can’t put my finger on it
I don’t know why
Maybe it’s the fact he’s quite shy
Ivan really is a nice guy

I got confirmed today
In a high church far away
A church of majestic wonder
no faults none at all not a blunder
I'd been putting it off for many years.
I was trying in some way to hide all my fears.
So The Bishop called us forward one by one
He put his hands on my head
I confirm you Steven That was what he said
All my guilt I had now was gone
when he finished he congratulated me and shook my hand
Then I stood up and felt real grand
The bishop asked us to turn around and the face the congregation
We did they cheered, and clapped in celebration.
The service was holier than thou
Yes I'm confirmed now

I’ve got three little words
I must say to you
Here’s how it goes
I love you
I hope you can see
I’m hope you ll be
the lady in my life
I hope you will say yes
To be in my life

You are a special lady
I want you in my life
I need you more than
words can ever explain
I need you more than I have
ever needed anyone before.

Lady in my life
I want you for my wife
Told hold you,
To feel you,
To kiss you
I love you and thought
I should tell you.
Lady In my life

When I die I will be free Of sin
Will I go to heaven In a corned beef Tin?
I'll be Free at last to repent my sins
And I'll go back to where it all begins

Heaven is like a place on earth
Where Jesus Christ had his ****** birth
Where men and women procreate
And people just sit and wait.

Heaven waits for you and me
The Lord above looking down can see
The worlds in a mess don’t you agree.

Heaven is calling so come with me
You and I together will see
Together forever you and I will be

In the Arctic there’s a Peril coming our way
The Polar Bears and Penguins will die out someday
The ice is melting at an incredible rate
We may have sealed the Polar Bears fate
In the world of ice and snow
what is happening is an incredible blow
The world leaders just won’t heed the warning
they say there is no such thing as global warming

The Queen has style
The Queen has grace
And a beautiful smile
on her lovely face

The Queen is the monarch
that wears a crown
Her face on the money
never wears a frown

The Queen is noble
The Queen is Fair
When she speaks
Posh Words hit the air

Her majesty on high
she sits looking down
on her kingdom
wearing a golden crown

People say let’s get rid of the monarch
So what do you replace it with
An elected President who has no say
Well Mr President I say no way

The Queen is the Queen
She will not be removed
God Save The Queen
She has nothing to Prove

God Save The Queen

The spoken word is quite absurd
the unspoken truth is seldom heard
What people believe is neither here nor there
even if it's wrong they do not care
Fingers point the word spreads
from people who think that they're main heads
They're faggerts & maggerts with **** for brains
with beautiful houses & blocked up drains

The spoken word is there again
& it follows you round like a nagging pain
That is the spoken word
The spoken word is quite absurd
the unspoken truth is seldom heard
The forbidden law is never seen
the unwritten law is quite obscene
The facts are there people do not care
they're right when they're wrong so there
That is the spoken word





THE END

I heard a voice that called out to me
He shouted my name from a far
I looked but there was no one there
I could smell freshly mowed grass
And hear birds singing
But I didn't know why
I was asleep but my eyes were still open
Was I dreaming here's hoping
I could hear running water
But yet I am deaf
I could see for miles around yet I am blind
We're all these things just
figments of my imagination



THE END

As I look into your eyes.
Your smile is so radiant
As we walk under the stars
And we talk for hours on end.
As the moon shines down
Upon us both
And time is against us
As I smell your scent
With my money you spent
I don’t get a kiss or a cuddle
I just get myself all in a muddle.
Wondering if you like me at all
Maybe you do or maybe you don’t
Maybe you will maybe you won’t
It’s time for me to express my feelings
I just want to say I love you

In the land of hope and Glory
I look out from a far
I look into the darkest night
and see the brightest star.
It glimmers, and shines,
and lights up the sky
I see a twinkle catch my eye.

In the land of hope and glory
I see the tallest tree
I see the branches
As clear as day
Reaching out to me
They reach out far and wide
They reach out with dignified pride

In the land of hope and glory
As I reach into the night
I see faces from my distant past
They bring me sheer delight
I see faces that make me sad
And faces that make me mad
I think of times when I was young
And now I know that I was wrong

In the land of hope and glory
I hear music from a far
I recognise the simple song
That’s coming from a car
The music is my favourite piece
So I listen and I’m very still.
This piece always gives me chill

As I licked her ****
She was dying for a ****
And she had a smelly hole

I could hear music
I said what the **** is that
She said that is Rock n Roll

Rock n Roll I replied
what the **** is that
She said I can't believe
you've never heard
you ******* gormless ****

Rock n Roll is Music
that changed the ******* world
And that is ******* that






THE END

I’m Steven & I remember a time
When I was in my prime
And a time when…. Well that was then..
I'm the Muppet, the joker,
the ******* the fool.
I was The kid that got picked on at school

I have seen things that have disturbed me
you know made me cry
I have seen things that would make a lesser man die
I’ve cried
I’ve tried
I've tried to commit suicide
I was diagnosed with PTSD
Where will that take me
Well we will see

I don't drink beer
Or smoke ***
I don’t  take crack
I ended up at Back on Track
I hope to achieve the chance of a job
And show all those muppets
I'm not a ****,
I'm worth it
I'm worth the investment
I'm worth the time

This is me and I'm Steven and I’m in my prime






THE END

Birds sing in the trees
The first light of dawn rises slowly
The morning is upon us






The End

The chainsaw in the shed
The tools left on the workshop floor
The work is nearly done


The End

I’m praying to the lord
I hope he answered my prayers tonight
He dosen’t then I’m ******



The End