I should be used to this by now--

I've been left so many times
in the past,
it's no wonder that
my right hand is inferior.

I never liked Goodbyes;
I'm more of a
"see ya later"
type of person,
because it holds the
(empty) promise
of future reunion.

"Goodbye" is foreign
on my tongue. I've
said it my
fair share of times,
each one being
harder than the last.

This Goodbye will be
the most difficult of them all, which
is why I cannot will myself
to say it;
to have those
two dreaded syllables
leave my lips
and enter the air,
making your departure
from my life
real.

I don't want you to go,
but I know that
I'm weighing you down
instead of boosting you up;
holding you back
instead of pushing you forward.

So here we are, and
I'm about to say it, and
the word is living in the back of my throat and
about to exit my mouth and--

I stop.

And "see ya later" comes out instead.

Because I'm not ready
to give you up just yet.

I never knew I was
living as an
untied shoelace
my whole life until
Fate knotted us together

I hope he did a
good job because
I never want
to leave your side

Tell me everything
and I'll write your words
on my skin
every inch of my body
so that even though
they'll fade
they'll always be
a part of me

Like my heart
I won't see them
but I'll feel them
pressing against my chest
each beat a reminder
that you'll always be with me

Long, winding road;
a busy street,
cars of every color
drive close together
like a school of fish
navigating through the ocean.

Dotted white lines
quickly become solid,
preventing the cars from
switching lanes...

we were supposed to be
over one to the right.

Cursing, then flooring,
and finally U-turning,
you maneuver your car
back around to
get to our destination.

Talking, singing, laughing--
the frustration of
missing our turn
dissipates quickly with
each other's company.

It's always a pleasure
getting lost with you--

every missed turn
is a new adventure,
and every wrong turn
reminds me how right
it feels being next to you.

The gentle falling
of leaves

Orange, yellow, and
red--my favorite color

As I watch them in fascination--
gravity slowly and carelessly
pulling them to the ground--
I feel you nearby.

The wind rattles the trees
sends my hair whipping wildly
behind me

It snatches a paper
from my hand

I bend to pick it up, and
under the wind's howls,
your voice--
that soft, lulling melody
finds its way in my ears.
I flinch in surprise because

It's been seven years
since I saw you last,
and yet
you still follow me
wherever I go.

*Thank you for never really leaving me

The cool fall air mercilessly nips
at my uncovered shins;
I silently curse myself
for not wearing pants.

Velvet night envelops
our little world.
Stars, like freckles on cheeks,
dot the night sky in a random
yet mesmerizing pattern.

I approach our building.
It's a habit now--
my neck automatically ***** back,
searching desperately for the light above.

No, not the stars' light
coming from miles and miles away;
I crave the artificial yellow light
of your room, to assure me
that you're there.

I know it's crazy and stupid
(and definitely creepy)
of me to do that,
but I just can't help it.

You're supposed to
make a wish
on a shooting star,
but I'm using
your light instead.

Saying it aloud won't
make it come true,
but now I've got
nothing to lose.

My wish every night
as I walk back home
is that one of these days
you'll be searching for me
too.

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 6:37PM
Hi. It's been awhile,
just, uh, checking in...

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 6:41PM
I still think of you--of us, our friendship.
I'm sorry we drifted apart; I'm
sorry for being carried off by other waves
and leaving you ashore

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 6:57PM
Tear-stained pillows,
a layer of clothes covering the carpet...
I guess you can say I've redecorated
since the last time we hung out? Haha

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 7:09PM
How do you do it?
How can you possibly
reach inside my chest and
squeeze my ******* heart
so tight it nearly bursts
just by making eye contact??

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 7:11PM
*******!!!!!!!!

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 7:20PM
I miss you so much
I don't even know what to
do anymore

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 7:21PM
Please come back into my life
please be my friend again
please please please

To: You; From: Me
4/10/15, 7:30PM**
Hi.

No matter how much you've changed
Your shadow remains
The same

You're a shadow of your old self
But no matter how hard you try
You cannot escape it

Letting light shine in
Allows the old you
To come through

But surrounded by darkness
I no longer know
Who you are

So when that happens, I recite the mantra once more:

No matter how much you've changed
Your shadow remains
The same

Struck by your beauty,
I try to paint you with words.
I'm a slave to you.

We stand face to face, legs spread apart
Like two outlaws dueling in an old Western

Fingers twitching
Eager to get the first shot

We reach for our weapons simultaneously
Shot after shot filling our secluded battlefield

A vein in your forehead pulsing in frustration and concentration
I dodge everything you throw my way

A shot grazes my skin
The stinging of a paper cut, magnified

You loom over me
Your shadow swallowing me whole

Weapon rising above me slowly, painfully slow
I do nothing to avoid your final blow

My mouth contorts into a wince
Eyes closing involuntarily

The shot pierced me
Straight through the heart

Perfect aim.

Dread coursing through me
It spills over in a single teardrop

There's no such thing as a "word wound"  
No hospital will ever admit me

Even if it's far more damaging
Than any bullet

You see so much more
when you
look
at the clouds
instead of
watching them.

Like the girl
shapeshifting an
infinite amount of times
for everyone
looking up to her.

First she's seen
tending to her sister,
a role model,
the sun offering
a warm glow
around her figure.

Now she's
laughing and playing,
her cloud quickly
expanding and gaining volume--
about to burst with
excitement.

And then she's
something all her own;
something indescribably amazing--
like you've seen it before,
but can never put
a word to what
exactly she's
showing you.  

They say you see
what you want
when looking at clouds,
but I think
it's more of
what you need.

Everyone has a
love-hate relationship
with us.
One minute
we're being kissed
and the next
we're being left.

People shake us,
throw us,
use us
just to get themselves
more money.

In this game of
love and luck and life,
we lose
every time.

I never wanted to
become an addict.

I never even wanted to
take this drug, but
my brain begged me to,
fed it into my veins
against my will.

It sends me on bad trips
every time.

I scream at both
the living
and the dead
as they belittle me.

I trip out
almost every day.

My own mind is
my dealer.
I pay with fear
as it lights me up--
ignites my worries.

My heart bangs
against its cage.
It can't take much more.

But I know
I won't quit.

I know this lifestyle
will **** me eventually.

I never expected it to happen to me.
I guess nobody does really;
everything seems fine one day, but the next--
Nothing.

Here I am,
staring out my window every night
with this ridiculous sense of false hope
just waiting for the words to come.

I wait and wait,
and wait and wait,
the hope diminishing by the day--
Oh god, am I out of poetic language?

No, they've got to be there.
Somewhere. So I go back to waiting.
But they never came...
*You never came...

There's layers
upon layers
of foundation
in my poems
that create
houses upon houses
for a girl who longs
to find home.

Each word
is a brick
that builds
and builds,
leaving onlookers
in awe
at the site
before them.

Each metaphor is
the cement
that holds
my words
together.

The door,
once shut,
is now open
for anyone wanting
to come inside.

And my emotions
are the roof
of these houses,
sitting atop
each and every poem
and making
each house a home
for different parts
of my soul.

It was my first nighttime beach trip.

Monday night, ten-thirty PM:
rather than reading
in my pajamas,
I was walking
along the shore.

The cool, damp sand
beneath my bare feet
sharply contrasted the
unbearable heat of
the same ground
just hours earlier.

A deep black
consumed the beach--
except for the
stars' shimmering light.

They seemed to cover
every square inch
of the dark sky--
like a string of
little white lights
hanging on the limbs
of a Christmas tree.

It was magnificent--
a work of art,
something out of a museum--
I'd never seen
anything like it.

My brother and our friend
were watching the tide
gently roll in;
their attention was focused
downward, but mine
was always on the stars--

I saw more than stars;
I saw the eyes of
my four angels
shining down on me,
their twinkle
letting me know
they've been watching over me
all along.

The wind started
to pick up steadily,
I didn't have a jacket,
but I was warm.

I was home.

You breathed life in me
from the first day we met.
You gave me
a part of yourself
that I will
always hold
inside of me,
******* in a knot
so I will never lose it.

I continue to grow,
each breath of yours
adding strength to me,
leaving behind
a pleasant, warm feeling.

And everytime
I feel as though
I am about to burst,
you always know
just how to let the air out.

I let people
walk all over me
so much that
I needed signs put up
telling them
to keep off.

The yellow crescent
overlooks America.
Washington's smile.

Everyone writes her off as a nobody,
but it's impossible not to feel her presence.

Eyes cast downward, always wearing a troubled look--
it's obvious she's got a lot on her mind.

Her negativity is a disease,
it infects everyone around her.

It's ironic that her name is Faith...
because she doesn't seem to have any.

It starts with a small trigger:
A word, an image, an object
That brings your thoughts back to
Them

It knocks the wind out of you
You don't want to remember
Yet at the same time you do

Then the memories invade your brain
Take over your very being
Render you immobile

Everything goes tight
Eyes squeeze shut
Fingers, a vice around the nearest table
Trying not to let this be your undoing

Finally the pain subsides
Passes over you like an ocean wave
Leaving you sapped of energy and full of relief

But the relief quickly turns to dread
Because you can't help but wonder
When this ****** cycle will start again

A tad on the quiet side,
I have my articles do the talking.

Telling a story
about an event I saw;
there is nothing more thrilling.

Though my name is smaller
than the title,
I'm still a big deal.

Questions ready, pen poised--
writing is where you hear my voice.

I'm not sure what's worse:

That I was once your first choice

Or that now I'm not

In the gleam
of the sun's rays
reflecting against
the lake's surface,
I see the sparkle
of your light blue eyes.

In the setting
of the sun,
too bright to
look at for too long,
I see your golden hair
through stolen glances.

In the curvature
of the moon--
a bright, white crescent tonight--
I see your radiant smile
on my walk back home.

In the writing world,
they say it's no good
to only see one muse,
but since I met you,
my vision's never been clearer.

Turn off my light
and turn on my side.
Silence engulfs me
and my room--

until a car zooms by,
outside my window,
its black tires gliding
over the asphalt road--
the start of my very own
nighttime symphony.

More and more cars
ride along my street.
Every once in awhile
a motorcycle vrooms on past;
I feel myself beginning to
transcend from consciousness
into the world of dreams.

Tires screech,
horns blare--
with this,
the loud, lively world outside
has successfully lulled me
to sleep.

It's so **** hard to
write when I've got so many
words and sounds and sights
clogging up my mind

Glittery snow wrapping me in a hug
the sensation of losing myself in music
hearing your beautiful voice echo in my ears

I WANT TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS
but my words come out in a meager lowercase

How am I supposed to write
when all thoughts filling my mind
are of you

And yet drowning
in them
is paradise

All I want in life

is to be someone's

Hero.

The music queues up on a
never-ending loop--
out of sight,
the robins begin
chirping out a song
nearly as beautiful
as their light orange bellies.

The trees begin to dance,
swept up by a
crisp spring breeze;
thin branches swaying
in time to the
robins' sweet harmony.

More birds join in
on the song,
layering this melody
in a way that
no music studio ever could;

all the while
vibrant green leaves
flutter, and allow themselves
to be led by the enticing wind
in yet another dance.

It's so incredibly frustrating
How you drive me insane
Without even trying

Because when I look into your eyes
I see a galaxy of sparkling stars
I see wonder and mystery

But as I'm left awestruck
You see my eyes for what they really are:
A dull green color

Your love for me is gravity
I don't see it
but I feel it all around me
in the way it keeps me grounded
while at the same time
allows me to roam freely
and forge my own destiny.

Yet no matter how far I travel,
I will always
gravitate back to you.

Although a rain cloud
Now lies above my
Head

I know for a fact
A new angel's been
Bred

You're the ink I bleed--
pencil hitting paper,
the catharsis that I need;
you're in my erasings, all my cross-outs
constantly showing me
new perspectives and alternate routes;
you're the break

between each stanza;
every symbol I decide to make;
you're the rare poems I write in rhyme
(partly because of how
musical you are from time to time);
you're the answer to my writer's block,
making up for all those minutes
spent staring at the clock.

Most obviously, you're the reason I write today--
you're every word I've ever written
and every word I'm about to say.

A gentle whisper
rattles grass blades one by one.
Domino effect.

I wonder what would happen
If I were to
Go blind

Thoughts this grim
Shouldn't plague a young girl
Like me

It's ironic that
The only constant in life
Is change

At night, all I do
Is think in
Unfinished poems

It's sad:
We let
this tiny word
dictate entire
Lives.

You are beautiful in
every
single
sense
Of the word.