your tongue rots
behind iron teeth
of ridicule and blasphemy
but ive never seen a smile
more enchanting
or inviting

three sets of eyes
one set exploring
one set yearning
one set wondering
I play tag between the gazes
forlorn and abrasive
only a moments time in each
I can tolerate
for one I cant quite make out
and two Im still finding out
but three Ill never know
Around and around i go
at this run- down
small town
carnival

night chased into day as we watched dawn break upon mating birds
though none were heard
your words echo
from the hollow arches
of my bare feet

Magnificently
strong, with a softness
of succulent papaya
and the rose petals
paying homage
in the bird bath
loud, with a
silence that moves time
and space
laced into the universe
strategically placed
to spark
a reaction
the latest attraction is on the
way
scattered across the world
we lay
rested and ready
to rise
to the challenge
or peel back the film
of today's afflictions
tomorrows predictions
to reveal,
to surpass the restrictions
to break what
    needs fixing

shadows made by strangers claims
daunt your mind and feed this game
hollow out whats in a name
its long since now we've been the same
but ive always known how different we are
i always saw through the door kept ajar
how you slip in and out
and in between
but what you dont see
is that I want you to be
whatever you want
your motive is never something that daunts
my mind
and the comparison of us
is something I find
curious
most are so quick to scurry us
into a lump
of love and life
but there comes a price
and we are not
a package deal
we both feel
in different ways
we both write
a different page
and though we're close
in time and age
i know inside that where my sun rises
yours does set
and when I smile
you secretly fret
because two scales
will always be unbalanced
and with every action being challenged
by eager spirits
its tough to find a mutual center
in and out we venture
until we've seen enough of each other
and learned
but im glad i can see this
while others cant
offenses or sorrow felt
i shant
for i know the words your mind secretes
i feel the things in your heart you keep
and although I never probe or ask you to speak
I wonder how it could ever be
any other way
because I dont think it could
words shared between us are said
but not truly understood
and although we're tagged as really good
friends
i still dont like the spread
of words about me
or from me
from your mouth
because they will come out
the wrong way
and in reality
thats okay
my soul is here to stay
just as yours is
similar likes and interests
doesnt mean Im
trying to arrest
your identity
for we both are
an  entity
   on our own

lithe and quick
your body is an essence that bends and billows with every breath of the earth
dips and trips upon each falling moment
until your lost with no sense of direction
and time is just emit spelled backwards
as your energy radiates to fill all that youve ever known
or ever will
body overpowered by soul
and your just as real
as you are in  sleep
images creep
across your mind
actions no longer clandestine
but rather alive
for what seemed unreal
you now feel
from the chill down your neck
to the twitch in your toes
as you run barefoot along the open land
hand in hand
with imagination
and the skies are green while the ground is blue
you say hello and I hug you
and ask if youd like to dance
no trance or haze
just the ways
we live our life
no fear or strife
yet with no knowledge of what words even mean
anyway
thiga men to la say
yes I will go pick you a flower
thats gold and blue
to rest on your bare hip bone
as we ponder the pink clouds floating in the pond
deciding which to go rest on
in heaps of soft caresses
not one inch is left untouched'or unloved
the moon lays just below the surface of the water
and i trace my fingers across its surface
leaves channels of grainy sand
thats soon filled by little friends that burrow and tuck in
I blow very lightly and the moon goes out
while soft ripples rock me to sleep

Cue the curtain
sound the song
she takes the stage
unwavering, headstrong
all of her soul
on this unabashed floor
knows every step
each after and before
but the crowd is antsy
and the white noise is hovering
and the hand of the man working the spotlight
shakes unsteady as he
texts his girlfriend
the camera man yawns
and the little boy sitting next to me
tugs his moms sleeve
for a snack
the dancer on stage
prevails
this is her world
all she knows
is the arch in her back
as she
makes love to the floor
sweeps of ribbon and silk
caressing
the fold of her body
to the riff of the ballad
she is one
she is all
she is shining
her body tells a story
and I watch captivated
with bated breath
entwined in this love story of beauty and suffering
while the camera man yawns
and the guy working the spotlight
used this time
to text his girlfriend

the smoke rose in the air
job is done
   new day had begun
she left him in the sand
soft hands
no shame
his blood traces her chest
time for a new name
new game
  covering her steps
she heads out west

it happens everyday
same time same place
down goes the work bag
out comes the brown bag
dishes pile high
like the cheap wine in your glass
leaves no stain
but the scent i can smell
as soon as i step foot in our front door
whether your home or not
so deeply pervading
my mind
no say in the invasion
im out of the equation
im just a "child"
but tell me mommy
does a child
feel theie soul crumple
feel their heart stumble
over the image in their heart
and the image in their eyes?
does a child
have to wear their headphones in their own home
to blur out the slams you make
the hits your take
against my barriers
ive built so strong
i can pretend nothings wrong
that i always move on
but i cant pretend
not to hate the sound
of liquids pouring
or slamming doors
cracking your neck
pulling your hair
someone get me out of here
the hold you have on me I cannot tear
away from
mom
please
stop

Whoever said
confidence is ****
  must have never felt the pull
of a strangers eyes
  that never quite meet yours

and they say
   shes so brave
and they say
  shes so strong
but  do they not know
shes afraid?
confused?
between right, and wrong?
every rock stone and pebble
along the way
is vanishing out of her sight
shes kicking up the dirt
just so she can choke
on the taste of something familiar
but taste buds change
and these learnings wont stay the same
and it feels like
heartbreak, hunger, pain
i want to cry
like a little babe, to be nurtered and loved
cared
but this time
it is not the hand of my mother, caressing my body
i cry to the wind i feed by the moon
sleep by the fire thats setting my world to rune
i long for the womb, of water and warmth
maybe there ill transform
bathed in the salts
and tears of
this earth
surrround
drown
unground
                  r e b i r t h

you breathed me in
on a cold november night
you showed me what its like to live
under the pale moonlight
hours of tag
played between
two sets of eyes
brought us here
well, there
and looking back
I wonder how it ever passed by
your words flowed
to the wavelength of my mind
time stopped
I am full
but now
im used to
the sequence of time
your mind is slipping further from mine
already has left here
or there

Concave
i savor each divet and dive
contrive symbols and words on smooth skin
dusted with faint golden hairs
like archaic scriptures
written before time was a thing
we kept track of
so i dont keep track of
my mind
as these shakes send me into riffs of euphoric bliss
and each grazing touch
brings me closer to the soul
on this journey of self discovery
a trip from which Ill never return
I burn two incense
at the same time
one for Kelly
one for Evangeline
the release flows into one another
as they sweetly invade my permeable mind
tearing it down
til it becomes
ash
soft and sweet
with only recognition of what its burning for
my hands travel more
and i dive deeper within
the soul begins
to escape my pores
wide open doors
this temple is mine
to explore
bones and flesh
the beauty arrests
my attention
and i have never felt a more beautiful being
with each lingering caress
sparks tickle and jest
and there is nothing more that I need
than this endless exchange

jackhammer rings
thoughts scream not sing
fighting for a spot
at the show
with each blow
of the metal drill
is sent a shrill
you can shake a chill
but never a cold
mind fits a mold
do what you're told
tried to make a break
but the earth beneath me quakes
with each riff of the hammer
who defined these parameters?
bordered by hate and mistrust
feeling so abused
compromised and misused
I will not shy behind the fence that you've enclosed
trade what I think for what I know
because I know what lays beneath the ground
your out of touch and out of sound
the jack hammers fill my ears with white noise
that dilutes your scheming and ploys
and I could be gone for a thousand years
in only 2 minutes

helium balloon
im all filled up
with every blow
i feel my insides
bouncing off one another
eager to escape
growing
no slowing
only a matter of time
keep blowing
ignore the silent unease
of knowing
that your going
too far
and that
soon I will be free
and
It wont be too long
til
I
Pop

stolen kisses
swings and misses
like the lost Pleiad
not all stars are meant to shine

there is just so much
and looking around
i think its safe to say
not much
of it is needed
striving to find a meaning
for every old book
and dust collecting ribbon
not mindful that my decisions
change every day
and no light will ever shine upon that keepsake
the same way
as it did
the first day
holding on
can you change?
or will you always be a product of
what you have done in the past?

Commitments we make
out of what?
we're scared to break
something we may have never wanted to start
tied down
by the dream of the world
before we could even fall asleep
on our own
for my dream is nothing like yours
no lures
of everlasting guilt
these petals dont fall
but wilt
under the pressure of  acid rain
that i know is pretentious
but under extensive
watch
becomes as clear as the tears
that graze the heart
I cant seem to muster
for feelings
I dont seem to have

incense lay in a bag
colors claim sandal wood and musk
but they may as well have no color coated tip
for i reach in and I pick
with eyes closed
the one that i feel can hold
my mind afloat in the seas of dreams
dont want to know which one it is
prefer to let it choose me
and take me away
in swirls of white
that light
my journey through a soulful sleep
the scent is tranquil leaving my lips sweet
and as the smoke fills my eyes
closes them softly, induces my mind
with images of a world so wide and real
a place to know just how to feel
awake now
with the shutting
of heavy fluttering eyes
breaking me from sleep

up so high in a nest
the birdy sings of heading west
doesn't want this life that's been made
laid out so plain
saddled with the guilt and pain
of disappointing the ones who got him there
but looking down the view isn't so scary
and the risk outweighs the wary
of staying
betraying
his dreams
one last night he lets his mother tuck him in to sleep
yet when the moon creeps
across the world
birdy spreads his eager feathers
without a word
and was never heard
from again

The shoot out is over
guns layed down
one staked out his home
the other left town
a long walk ahead
but a deep hole behind
climbed up from the bottom
in just enough time
for the sand storm is coming
and the pistol-smoke is still fresh
he's leaving undercover
sand soon to cover his steps

devolve
whats it all been for?
frost creeps in
light no more
the warmth that paints your rosy cheeks
is just as fleeting
as a naivete  blush
upon the cheek of a smitten girl
will the blue frills matter
as they burn in flames?
will the lace underlay flatter
your decaying face?
will reality reveal itself to you
on your dying day?
Or will you destroy the clock tower
before it tells you
that your time is up

you look
like me
I've seen that expression on
my own face
had similar tastes
I've felt as small
id given it all
and struggled
for breath beneath
a darker shade of eyes
you an i
no,
we're not much different

like a dream
the beauty of this world seems
so alive
tangible and wild
just as it should be
But the alarm of a distant reality
conventionality
rings steady
and strong
i try my best to fight on
to ignore flickering eyes
glued to
blue screens
thoughts teem
eyes stream
i know  this means
so much more

theres a darkness in my skin
furrowed somewhere deep within
the place thats made when you're really young
where every song and story begun
I could never sing louder
than the yells and the shouts
the fear in my eyes
tried to blur it all out
but my armor was soft
made of light and love
so some of it
seems to of
snuck in
still fighting now
but my army has grown
imagination and life
now stand by my side
and Im no longer alone
and I never will be
ever
so I fight this divide
one foot on each side
but the enemies are advancing
and I cant keep dancing
on two different stages
Im no longer turning
but burning
the pages
of a story that was never mine
expectations in fragments and phrases
go up in the smoke
but this time as they poke
my armor
I smile, slowly
and blow them away
til
there
                 g o n e

I find it funny
even a little sad
that wound you say ripped you apart
doesnt seem to heart that bad
anymore
as you drape your arms around her
words you never said before
was it all meant for this?
every forfeited kiss
i let slip from my loose lips
a different person now
little way of knowing how
we lived in the person before
are you happy?
is your soul free from the person you used to be
walls built too high for me to peak over and see
the one that clipped your wings is the one i set you free
to her you go
double the hours you drove to me
and thats a-ok but I just dont know what to do
about that shirt I helped you pick out
and the letter I hid in your room?
sewn scars etch my letters on white

We bathe in the blood of yesterdays battles
last weeks matters fill our bodies
with scars scattered over years
they trick us into longing
they give us our fears
that we would never have
if we just let the passing day fade away
i dont want to learn from what ive lived
when what im living is all around me
no sense in drowning
in an empty sea
each day, cut free from any and all
we make ourselves
at the crest of each breath
and the reason why
we cant remember very far back
isnt something to stress
when remembering the sweet caress
of eyelids unveiling capricious eyes
to an everlasting sunrise
needs no recollection

archaic lands
heavy sands
the worlds gotten by so long
on so little
so why dont we?
the sun never asks for seconds
or steals the stars
to shine brigher
just like the moon never complains about sharing its light
its a fight or flight
kind of world weve made
this is mine
I found it first
its only a dollar
whats a few more hurt?
all of these things
blind us and bind us
til noone can find us
not even ourselves
yet we cling to the stuff
the this's and that's
because they define us
remind us
of who we are
or want to be
maybe if we set that free
we'd meet ourselves for the first time

Wandering
Fall from the sky
Stop yourself
Before you ask why
Lose yourself
In the sparkle
Of the homeless mans eyes
In his hut by the sea
He, too, gets by
Maybe more than you and me
Free from the haunts and ghosts
Of things we need not
But need so
Kissed by the stars
Showered by the moon
That rolls over the dry expanse of land
To be at home
Singing sweetly in the ears of this man
For while fast asleep
In dreamlike slumber
The tides grow strong
Full of wonder
Thats clear only to those
Who can make their home
Anywhere

seven pages
of carefully picked words
arranged and placed
where they'll get the biggest bang for your buck
because
you never leave the house
without a goal

no, I wasn't astounded to
find that when you cut away the hair
that used to cover your ears
you were even more deaf, than before

your great you know
that charm, it shows
a smile and slicked
back hair style
and you make the rounds
safe and sound
behind the sunshine image
that you've questionably earned

but I made sure
to go light on the accessories tonight
and there is nothing to stop
the clairvoyance that fights its way to my mind

hidden behind my eyes
brown and smiling
long exiling thoughts of you
being like this

but you didnt hear a word i said
no point in discussing your retention
I'll ask although
I already know
have you ever not been
the center of attention

Expectant eyes
what do you want from me
I've tried over time
but it doesn't seem to quite work for me
you ask me whats wrong
and if I'm okay
in your tones of perky happiness
that fade in, fade out, fade away
and when I don't comply
to your unmistakable false pretense
its tense
and it bends
just about everything out of proportion
the extortion that goes on here
is too much for a youthful mind to handle
under the influence
of wise ears
and eyes
that shine
when I'm away from the barter
of privacy for invasion
at the top of the tower
rappelling my way over
the edge
this descent is slow
but with each slack in the rope
I feel lighter
you pull that rope tighter
like the smiles on your
faces
they don't fool me
there just as out of place as
the empty wine glasses behind the couch
and the candy wrappers tucked into
the fitness magazine
everyone has something
they try to seem
to be
which is fine
but I draw the line
for who I am
and If it takes cutting the rope
to be set free
so be
it

Its night, Im in the beach parking lot
Your presence weighs heavy
like Your hand in mine
that I could never seem to close mine completely around
guess thats how the love slipped out
or maybe it was
the game of lust
whats wrong with saying
lets make love
you swat  my hand from around your waist
or sidestep as I try to kiss your face
in a public place
why would i waste
my energy and love
by agreeing to be "civilized"
those words I said
to you
crashed like meteors on your perfect plan
tried to send them out of orbit
but your not superman
and I don't need to be saved
or put on a story book page
no valiant knight to carry me away
stiff like the towel left in the sun
after a day of salt and sand
your arms never seemed to wrap around me the right way
and with each shake I gave
you showed no sign
of comfort and warmth
i tried to shower you with my love
but even
that well can run dry
you asked me how I
didnt cry
but i look in your eyes
and feel nothing
and i think its becaus
I finally told myself
that thats okay
your back with her now
saw it coming all along
she wont let you walk all over her
like I did
she wont shut out her dreams
just to make your day, like me
she wont give up
what makes her heart tick
looking at it now,
you were always a ****
and I'll always be there
******* your ego up
because i was the only one
that saw through
the red cape get-up

Electric star shining by day
Come night, she'll surely tuck her self away
within the folds of a torn trench coat
Layered deeply beneath hidden pockets
Withholding all the gems of the universe
Much too modest to twinkle and wink
At wide-eyed watchers from down below
In their eyes screams the pain, and echoes the pleas
Through countless wishes and requests
For miracles.. for beginning anew
Her coat pockets are deep but not many
And these precious gems
Are few and rare
Only the song of the full moon, can draw her into the darkness
where shell tuck into a little  corner
of the blanketed stars
Electric star, sheds her cloak
To come gaze at the moon
face shining of wishes and hope

If we fully embraced
that with each day
each tragedy
each heartbreak
each bad taste
each mistake
made us a new person
think of who we'd be..

she was new in town
not from around
but welcomed with open souls
to find a place to let her eyes
close
for a while
a place to cleanse
and re-dispense
the energies where they belong
should've been all along
but she came in time
now sweet clementines
cant even compare to the taste of this feeling
no longer reeling
for a fish thats too big with a line too taut
let go of her rod
and stopped  her fishing
realized that this world is
her water
and she better start swimming
before
she herself
gets hooked on a line
that deceives

lost in a strange world
  only sense we can find
Is in peering through the keyholes
Of locked doors
we bang our fists
and spread the spark
hoping its sent down wind
setting smoke to the answers within
were drawnto the fire
like moths to a flame
Unwilling to be tamed
by the safety belt of the world
smoke seeps from the lock
and we inhale deep
ravenous for
the taste of something
real
the burn we feel
goes undetected
among the drowning men
In this shallow pool
Of lukewarm genuinity
and over-chlorinated sincerity
but we breath the fumes in
with a whole new strength
we break down the door
unleash the deamons
begging for more
than this
unless
we become one
With the fears,
we become none
so we rise with the deamons
and we rise up
above the conscience
dont give a ****
because we never could fit
Within the boundaries
Of a newborn dying man
these unatainable boundaries
never could never will never can

Last row
last seat
my eager eyes long to meet
but like always, you've been swept up and along
into the dust pan in clouds of dusty smoke
for someone that stands out, so
you sure know
how to disappear
like my appetite whenever I was around you
I literally felt nothing
but full
and excited
for what I'd see next
promised myself Id never be one of those girls
wide eyed in the front row
coming to your every show
lips parted
just enough
to breathe in your essence
hypnotic
Im dazzled
and it lasted
just as long as you wanted
and you snap your fingers
and my mind darts
as my eyes do now
in this room full of people
that are all here for you
you dont know this, but I do
Im starting to think
you dont like to be seen
and that the glances and stares
are few and far between
in your mind
so you indulge, like everyone else
but its always followed by a purge
some, like me, merge and move on
but you cant learn
from something you never understand
so you bury your treasures
and swallow the key
unlike me
your lips never parted
enough
but  you had me fooled
into think you breathed me in too
but at the end of the show
when the curtains close
i see you exhale
and the breath i thought was real
is the very one that sent you off in riffs
of white rolling mysteries
and after all that
buried treasures and quick escape acts
I still dont know why
you never wear your purple sweater ?

The clothes on my back
have nothing on
how your eyes flash
your nails that rash
red trails down my back
the shoes on my feet
could never beat
you lying next to me
breathe you in deep
youre mine to keep
but glitter falls from clouds
and the curtain closes
take a bow, shows over
later you'll come over
bite marks trace my shoulders
roll me under
roll me over
the sheets on my bed
cant get out of my head
your arms
your skin
Id rather be instead

body language that requires
no reading between the lines
its apparent
without the mask of vague
emotions and thoughts
that chased us
apart
and you two
back together
never a matter of whether, just when
I'll pretend not to feel something
when I hear your name
notice how its your arms that wrap
and not hers
its her cheek you kiss, her not on yours
the changes that come, when nothing changes
but the world rearranges
and it all seems to fit
push aside the feelings that rip
melt and they drip
down in slow trickles
and just because they dont stream
like water from a hose
doesnt mean they mean any less
it just means that
they cant put out the fire
and thats something
that just was never an option
for you

set to music
yellowed images
fray the screen as the static
fills the gap of 40 years
everything is so different
hair and clothes
people that you used to know
people come and go
"remember him?"
"they got divorced"
its funny how time can force
such distances
and loss of self
we grow so far from simple joys
those kids arent you
or atleast they "were"
that beauty gets lost
in the belly of the world
it swallowed you up
traded your magic for myth
your innocence for "truth"
your imagination for structure
when you think back
do you remember the feelings?
do you miss them
could you fathom
maybe even having them
now?
but you talk about prices
not considering how life is
so different now
from the hood of your heavy eyes
ridden with disappointment and the lies
of the world you traded the wonder for
seemed to think there was something more
wrong

morning brushes
my rested conscience
drawing me from one world
terrifyingly into the next
images slip
my mind starts to trip
what is real?
the force of the new world outweighs
the light hearted images
that delicately play
and splay
my vision
but its inevitable
this collision
that stops my dreams in it tracks
throws me out of whack
until Im smack
in the middle
of someone elses reality
and as thoughts of that day
chase away
my melodic dreams
i scream, for them to come back
but like quick sand
the harder I reach
the further it secretes
from my memory
and the toxic seeps
deeper in my veins

Bumps on this road
Bring me in and out of consciousness
And every time i slip back into sweet oblivion
The destruction
Of humans construction
Lands me in white walled
Confinement

Couldn't wait to see what it was like
In an instant the world changed for me
Might have been a horrible idea
Just had to try it
Somewhere down the road I realized
Love is more than a feeling of comfort
Can't force it and can't ease into it
Rest assured you cant **** around with it
Partly for the sake of someone else
Really for the sake of yourself and what you know you need
J**ust don't sacrifice for what someone else needs

drowsy thoughts creep behind heavy lids
unaware
somehow slid
in between
an eye for an eye
I will drip dry
like tears that dont want to be wiped
away
sway
in and out
until the day and the night
fade into
a spectrum of light
that I just might
mesh souls
awaiting the hold
of the moon

I speak my mind
two words too deep
too late to stop
the earthquake, the shake
of your voice
reverberating off of memories
i know to well
You speak the wine
that you drink
or fill
your sadness, or possibly
the madness
you've created
that you say has been fated
maybe I should have waited
until the morning
when your better
we pretend its all better
maybe you don't remember
how I tented up my bedspread
ear phones in, dead head
pillow stained eyes red
yet your cries  ring even louder
shout that things will change around
here, but your words are thin
and your mind so slim
to the real
to the love
to the things that just don't seem to be enough
for you

on the sandy shore
belly to the floor
sand slips through my fingers
without a thought

under tented sheets
music so discreet
consciousness slips
through my lids

Smiles across an open room
strangers by skin
lovers by eyes
A grin says the words
that your life story could never speak
your gaze draws me in
we meet again
my gulu gulu friend

a touch a rush flames up my spine engulf and entwine
the fire in his eyes
burns holes through my consciousness, leaving marks where there should have been
space
and now Ive got so much to think about, too much to bring about
freedom.. but the harder I think
the more I hallucinate, thoughts run rampant
cant tell whats real or fake
locked in subliminal utter confusion
bang my fists to break free but only find bruises
all over my body
trapped inside
this skin

This house isnt warm
And the chimney that once poured light and steam is tired and overdrawn
People come and go
Leaving articles of clothes
In every room
no privacy left for the freedom of your thoughts
To roam
Only scars overgrown
Then torn open
Over and over
You sit in the window dull and lifeless
You bang and smash against the glass
But it doesnt seem like its
Going to give
The people walk through
And you are starved
One throws you some old bread
And you devour it before you can think
And then you are theres to keep
For that night
Because going hungry for so long
Made you forget whats good for you
And this cold house has robbed of you
The steam that powers
The engine of your mind
Just always remember
When your most hungry
Usually what you really need
Is a cool glass of water