Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
I sat on the cold floor of my bedroom somewhere around 3am

Why is it always some ungodly hour with poets?

Anyway, I sat on my cold bedroom floor
Scribing of words about you, of course...

...They're always about you...

...Scribbles of words
Crumpled up into *****
Because nothing ever seems to come out right
The words don't fit

Your beauty
The depth of my love for you
How I ache for the loss of you...

...How you're the worst person that could ever exist for sending me to this hell of emotion on my bedroom floor at 3 o'clock in the morning.

Start again...
I fear that I shall die without ever being truly known.
As the autumn nears I pull more into myself
Carrying my bleeding beating heart in my open palm blood dripping between my fingers and down my wrist
Droplets disappearing into the earth
Desperately holding myself in
Feeling my fingernails claw at my insides
My soul begging to be let out
To be free.
This is the harvest of what I have sown
This is the ultimate Autumn
The forever alone
Random lines that popped in my head.
Beneath the waves of consciousness
Beneath the skies filled with dreams
Under the illuminating moonlight
Within the warm embrace of the sun
This is where your heart will meet mine
The tenderness of your touch
The sweep of a petal against my skin
The depth of your gaze
The galaxies looked up to in the night
Your sweet breath against my neck
A gentle breeze on the wind
This is how you remain with me

-KB 2016
I hope you find yourself lying gently in my words
That you hear all the little things
I'll never whisper in your ear
I hope you read them and know your influence painted
Impressions so deeply upon my heart
That they spill out through my fingers
Because utterance was not an option
I hope you'll read and know
I hold onto the way your existence made me feel
That I keep it safe in a secret place
That though I would not change the path life has brought
That I will treasure those moments always
The ones that didn't get away
The ones that were so gloriously lived
...Felt
.....Tasted
......Touched
Not all moments are meant to last forever
But this does not diminish their value in time or life
So, as I write and share and
Dream those dreams meant only for me
In a soft, sacred space
Know your remnants are there
Never saying your name
Never speaking out loud
But quietly reveling in the beauty of those moments shared
So please, do not press upon me
Please do not try to change life's path
Float along with fate
Let her carry you where she may
Live and love all your moments
And I'll quietly hope I am there
Because everything is and must be about you.
Your pain
Your beauty
Your silence
Your tears
Your ache
Your solace
And what am I?
The muse?
The nurse?
The safety net?
The lover?
The girlfriend?
The wife?
The one that got away?
None of that has anything to do with me.
You fail to see the selfishness of you.
You fail to see how you take advantage
Because it’s all hidden in pretty words
Words that paint beautiful pictures
But all they are
All they ever will be are words
I don’t want to be that person
And I don’t want a person that can be as this
So continue to live
Continue to thrive
I, at least, will not be a secret in my own life
I, at least, will thrive in integrity
I am and always will be true to who I am
That same strength that angers you now
You would’ve loved had it been in your favor.
But then, that’s all about you...again.
What happens to the words we swallow?
They don't sink into the depths of us
They are our silent spells
That gather
Cluster
Into galaxies within our rib cages
They turn into stars
Planets
Cosmos
A darkness with a universe
Marking time until it's found
Waiting for a strong enough
Telescope
.
.
.
A ping
A random collision of meteors
That spark an explosion
Through the spaces of ribs
Until an alphabet takes shape
N
E
W
Language is formed
Deep breaths of life are inhaled
Waking up
Growing
Green shoots of vocabulary
The magic of word
Spoken like infant feet
Learning to walk
Until songs are coursing over your tongue
And weaving into form
A universe of hidden
Life
Breath
Poetry
Come sit lost knight
At the table for ghosts
Draped in webbed memories
Of victory and battle
Clandestine glances
Bloom and blush long buried
Delicate sighs of ladies
Echoing in the ether
Ghostly kings reminiscing of laughter
Wearing robes of sorrow
Lifting silver cups
To lurid lips
Vapored fingers touching life now gone
Come sit lost knight
At the table for ghosts
Where we dine on shadows
Entombed in time
Fingertips like paintbrushes
Leaving beautiful pictures
Of gentle memories across skin
Sweet sunrise glances
Glimpsing futures forever wondered
Moon rise illuminating beautiful secrets
Middle of night to find you awake
No words spoken
Crickets and bugs speak for us
Arms under yours
Warmth the embrace
To never be forgotten
Time is jealous
Thought it had its way
A thousand days
A thousand years
Does not matter
Silence and tender sighs
Our dismay
Kept in tiny boxes filled with jeweled hypotheticals
Words never said
Time never spent
Hidden in a thousand different places
Over hundreds of different galaxies
Twinkling little stars
Too far to reach
Those pieces...pieces of you and me
Gravitate
Assimilate
Dust to form
Out there...
In the darkness
Where it should be
And the light from us will flourish
Live forever
In dreams
In dark
In life
In death
In love
In loss
Always
We'll never perish
Like the stars in the sky
But have you ever been willing to plunge to the bottom of the ocean in search of them?
Have you let their siren song take you away knowing full well that it could end in your demise?
But you didn't care because that moment with them was enough to earn you your good death?
Have you ever held the knife at your chest ready to plunge into your beating heart?
Because it was the price of their kiss?
Did you ever walk into the darkness of the forest knowing you could be eaten alive?
But as long as they were on the other side it would be worth it?
Were you ever too late?
Did you drown instead?
Did you stab too soon?
Did you get lost?
Were you the fool instead?
Then you don't know anything about love.
He's killing himself
He's drowning in truth
With each inhale of a cigarette
He fills his lungs with ideals
The smoke gathers around him
Changing the perception of reality
Another pull from the wine bottle
Another dose of novocaine
A swig of whiskey
A sip of *******
Freedom he says
It's all I've ever wanted
My way or the highway
I love you
I don't want you
Another pull from the bottle
Another inhale from the joint
You're my everything
But I walk in truth
The truth is I am me
And I have nothing to offer you
The smoke gathers in his reality
No vividness in his realm
This honey colored existence
This freedom
This perception
This alone

-KB 2016
I wanted you to know
But I wasn't allowed to say it
Years had passed
We'd both moved on
Life changed
As it does
But the constant
The thing I've never said aloud
Just kept it quietly tucked away
Locked in a little box within my heart
The one I've written about time and again
The one I hope you read about
Hope that you still have the key
It holds all of our moments
All of the beautiful things that make you
The one I just couldn't forget
Television show memories
Memories of a lover
That lover that seemed like they held the potential of forever
Deep gazing eyes that said everything and nothing because it was all felt inside
Gentle featherlight strokes along the lines of each other's body
Allowing your fingertips to build memories of warmth
Muscle
Smoothness
Scent
Followed by the build up of hands that can't grab enough fast enough
Kissing scenes that capture the passion you once knew
Kisses that could barely contain the desire
Deep breath kisses that took in their entire essence
Taking quivering pause to look again into their eyes
That slight smile before demanding their mouth again
Desperate to have as much of them in you as possible
So you could hold onto fleeting moments and
Commit them to memory where they could live forever
These shows carry us to lands we've never been to
And still we recreate that magical relationship
It remains perfect and pure
Passionate
A fire that forever smolders
Because for a time, you were that show
In any part of world
It wouldn't matter because you could've been anywhere
In anytime
And it was with them
So it was everything
You just didn't expect the episode to end so soon
I've never seen him as typical
He was always more ethereal than this
A king
A god
Something and someone apart from the norm
Magical
Intense
Real
Beautiful
Especially beautiful
Beauty in his touch
Beauty in his eyes
Beauty in is voice
Beauty in his mind
Beauty all through him
Has this caused me to fall prey to what I hate done to me?
Do I want to own what should never be owned, but merely appreciated?
Perhaps I am not his and he is not mine, but we are just us.
Perhaps he is just typical
He breathes
He hurts
He angers
Perhaps he is just a man
A man any woman can have
Perhaps I am just a woman
And our elevated status is only existent in a memory
In a lifetime long ago
In a time where he was the king and I was his queen
But here,
Now
He is just a man
I am just a woman
And typical is all we have left

-KB 2016
You know there's more.  
There's always more.
He doesn't say them.
I don't say them.
Somehow we still manage to say all and nothing.
Each relying on our intuition to translate.
Both depending on the conveyance to be clear.

I hope it is.
Does he hope it is?
****...confusion

I hear it though.
The questions in the questions.
I think he hears the answers in the answers.
Always this language of in between.

In between....
Star crossed.
That's what it is.
Some ethereal cosmic fate.

Reason, reason...
Fingers tapping as I think on it....
Because life is not meant to be *******
Because you are meant to feel and be inspired
Because you are...
Because.....
Because........

Because sometimes it's just nice to have someone out there in all of existence that pays attention to the way you like your coffee for no good reason other than it's the way YOU like your coffee.

Because if I asked him the time and date of whatever
Or how many blueberries were in the box sitting on the table that one time we ate breakfast together...how many years ago now??
And he remembers.
And memory is all we're left with
When everything else is gone

You can be remembered for so many big things
But he remembers how I take my coffee
And that little tiny thing
Means there are so many more not tiny things
That aren't being said, they're just known
In the in between
I remember that night not vividly, but excitedly.
Awakened by his wildness, his quiet freedom, his lack of care.  
I remember watching him maneuver between structures like an animal uncomfortable being confined by anything man-made.  
Cautious, watching, going after only what it needs.
I remember feeling his scent through my entire body.
Each inhale filled with adrenaline and abandon that dripped into my lungs making my heart pound.
I remember him peering at me through a curtain of thick black lashes.  
Accentuating fierce almond brown eyes with golden tones reminiscent of the sunsets we'd both known so well.
The moment he was close, my skin piqued with the heat of the desert that ran through our bloods.
His hands gliding across my back freeing my ******* in a snap before his mouth demanded to be met.
I remember being lifted onto a cool metal work table only for a moment before incandescently melting into the scorching ****** of him.
Holding on and letting go.
Riding his freedom.
Tasting his heat.
Feeling his wild.
Losing the me this world sees
Liquifying into the connectedness
Of the memories of we both craved
What we both ached for.
Becoming the sand and the sky
The red earth and painted desert
Our heated breath amplifying into thunderous purple clouds.
Sweat dripping down our bodies like a craved desert rain.
Until the monsoon took us over and left us quivering.
Relishing in the freedom.
The wild....
I think there might have been music playing somewhere in the background that we laughed about later...but I can't remember for sure.
He doesn't like to be noticed but he's impossible to miss and impossible to hang on to.  
You can't tie someone like him down.  
He'd chew off his arm in what you'd perceive as self sabotage,
but for him it's survival.
His freedom is what brings him home to you at night.
Maybe not consecutively but he always come back....always.
All the reasons you come to hate him, resent him, miss him are all the reasons you loved him in the first place.
You loved his intoxicating freedom.
You loved that you could smell it on him.
You loved that when he was close enough
you felt like it was yours.
So you tried to hold him tighter.
Convinced that if you could just make him love you enough he'd stay
Missing that he was loving you as much as he could.
So instead you began killing him.
Resenting him for not being what you needed, even when he was all you ever wanted.
Slowly...watching him die without even realizing it.
Yelling at him.
Screaming at him.
Begging him.
Cursing him.
Causing him to hate who he is because it makes him "broken".
Hating that the pull within him is too strong for him to deny
Breaking his own heart because it was too broken to just love you the way you wanted to be loved
but he loved you...
By the time he had eaten away at half his arm you expected the pain would be too much for him to bare so he'd stay.
Only to watch him run on 3 legs crying out into the night.
Singing her song that called to his being.
He is the wolf.
And she is his moon.
Not even the sea can resist her call.
How on earth could it be expected of he?
Coming and going...waves
Burning and ash...regeneration
Fire and warmth...birth
Cold and windy...desperation
Open and empty...desolation
Coming and going...repetition
Burning and ash...destruction
Fire and warmth...building
Cold and windy...searching
Open and empty...freedom

-KB 2016
His words peel off the page
The way I imagine he'd remove my clothing
Intense
Tender
Passionate
Verse that pulls me under like the current
Of an ****** on the verge

Tantalizing my extremities

— The End —