Helpless to reject you when you call for help
pick up because i'm powerless to do anything else
beg for some kind of insight into this insanity
manage to hold my breathing half way steadily
speak in calm tones, gentle, to console
you're crying - and you have no way of knowing
what that still does to me (it cuts me)
The whole time i call myself helping, offering an ear, a shoulder
something to hold onto when your world is blown apart-
this tightness in my chest, a consistent catch in my breath
an ache, a longing, not something i can explain
but it has words of it's own - and i know what it would say
"i still love you, I'm sorry"
this conversatuion serves to make me smile and mar me
unspeakably

(click.)
(dial tone. . .)

I still love you, I'm sorry
screamed at the top of breathless lungs
you tear away from me and all i want is to touch you
open the door and in an instant slam it behind you
I recoil in spasms, near madness
so overtaken with emotion that i am shaken
into violent paroxysms
I frightened the hell out of you i think
kicking, slamming my body into the door
through the empty space where only seconds before
you sat
and
I watched you walk away
(I wish i didnt know you went to cry in the bathroom...)
and when you're gone, in silence, after the storm, i still do
I'm sorry, but i still love you

I'll whisper
whisper when the wind picks up
I still love you, I'm sorry

I never have been good at reading lips
but I hope this is something we don't share
as you stand there
windblown hair,
with nothing on your face
I hope you understand
this time I'm going, I have no choice
life has made it for me
I'd take you with me if i could
and so I'm sorry
I'll whisper
whisper when the wind dies down
I still love you, I'm sorry