what am i doing (???)
i'm not doing anything
just cut it off!

"why" am i doing this ?
Because i love 'evil'.


((things shaping themselves unconsciously))






----

whatamidoing .*
i'm not doing anything .. (exclaims)  

just cut it off .


"why"* am i doing this ?
Because i love 'evil'.


((things shaping themselves unconsciously))











----

whatamidoing .
i'm not doing anything .. (exclaims)  

just cut it off .


"why" am i doing this ?
Because i love 'evil'.


((things shaping themselves unconsciously))





Keeping a secret from *myself .

whatamidoing .
i'm not doing anything .. (exclaims)  

just cut it off .


"why" am i doing this ?
Because i love 'evil'.


((things shaping themselves unconsciously))





Keeping a secret a secret

i liked when i didn't know anything

i feel like i just keep pounding on physicality (putting on pounds)
when all i really want is death
not to actually die
but shut down
a grand theatrical shut down
i want to die over and over
and be born again
clean
like a baby
not know anything
to have to redevelop myself
rn i'm too developed
self congragulating
never fully developing
self congradulating  

to be in a state of actively not wanting anything
to not desire or wish
no desires
no wishes
(no desires or wishes)

tap into the line of grief
-  Receiving this message. Recieving messages. Intense and deep. It running through me like a shock. A primal instinct. A knowing.

- last night i dreamt that your face fell apart
- last night i dreamt your came came apart
- in broad day light i dreamt your face fell apart
- in broad day light i dreamt your face came apart

- just when i thought there was no saving me, your mother invites me to join the family chorale of shrieks in response to a baby garter snake (on the porch)
i am unimpressed
calls me out to the porch to look at a snake
i am unimpressed
would i really be concerend?
everyone knows i'm a snake

you (momma) call me out to
you invite me to witness the 3 headed spetacle of a baby garter snake and your daughter trapping it by its tail
"someone **** it"

you invite me to the family event of killing the baby garter snake on the porch
it looks innocent to me
do you expect me to be impressed
afraid?
we all know i'm a (the) snake