last night i fell asleep daydreaming
tonight i'm going to sleep with sadness
it's bittersweet

because i insist on this every time.

i'm fearful that there will be nothing between us,
that you'll just fade "like all the rest"

like all the rest.

but i guess "all the rest" don't really matter
they faded
and i continue(d) to live on, somehow.

all there really is to do IS rise from the ashes....
it's all i really know;
an audacious effort (really)
[who am i to continue to rise?]

i just let myself rust and die
over and over again
i retain nothing that allows me to sustain myself

life?
don't care for it

i feel like i have nothing
not even a candy bar
something so simple
something i could have easily prepared
if i cared

it ***** that this is my path
if i don't ask or help i'll continue to whither

my resources will be lost
my health will continue to deteriorate

and if i don't build my intimate connections
expand upon them
devote myself
i'll end up alone

why has this been my path?

you filled your house with sugar and salt
and forgot to connect it back to a single thing
lack of awareness continues to poison your offspring
though there was really nothing you could have done about that anyway

sorry I can't get anything done mom I'm OBSESSED with myself
---
i just...
its all too much (!)
*eats a hot dog

who am i to continue to rise?