inevitably, ultimately
that space exists
(i now see how close i've been trying to live to it)
the place in between extremes
that breeds apathy
that i'm realizing i can be alright with
maintaining
polishing even,  like i would any other part of myself
that has the potential for rot, neglect, decay
tending to it
to prepare for,
becoming friends with (befriend) nothingness

all there really is to do IS rise from the ashes....
it's all i really know;
an audacious effort (really)
[who am i to continue to rise?]

last night i fell asleep daydreaming
tonight i'm going to sleep with sadness
it's bittersweet

because i insist on this every time.

i'm fearful that there will be nothing between us,
that you'll just fade "like all the rest"

like all the rest.

but i guess "all the rest" don't really matter
they faded
and i continue(d) to live on, somehow.

sorry I can't get anything done mom I'm OBSESSED with myself
---
i just...
its all too much (!)
*eats a hot dog

i just let myself rust and die
over and over again
i retain nothing that allows me to sustain myself

life?
don't care for it

i feel like i have nothing
not even a candy bar
something so simple
something i could have easily prepared
if i cared

it ***** that this is my path
if i don't ask or help i'll continue to whither

my resources will be lost
my health will continue to deteriorate

and if i don't build my intimate connections
expand upon them
devote myself
i'll end up alone

why has this been my path?

who am i to continue to rise?