Dear Barbara
I had a dream
That you still lived close
That you took your drive away
Every day
And that our distance was
Just imaginary

Dear Barbara
I bought you a book
That you'll never see
And you
Wouldn't do the same for me

Dear Barbara
I thought of you
I thought my writing
would get through
I thought that if you thought of me too
Maybe I wouldn't be blue

Dear Barbara
I've gotten old
I write like a drunk
I can't remember good
Maybe
...

bored
and yet you are alseep
I'd write you a poem if you'd just wake
but alas you head finds solace on a warming pillow
Id call it bored so you
could shrug off the intent without worry
but i called you cause i thought of you first
how does that feel
that my mind traverses your memory
before that of any other woman
no
person
but its called bored.
cause there is no more in the bottle for me
and the fire from the smoke melts my fingers
and you would rather me not think of you
sometimes i'm bored
and i cant help myself

Sometimes i wish these words could do justice
for the women who exist in my life
so i could make them sound as amazing
as they existed in this world
They are fantastic.
but

Sunshine
blue skies
please go away

When i say i miss you
i mean all of the bad things
all of the times you never spoke
all of the times you walked away
all of the moments when you didnt want me
Cause the truth of those moments is
freedom
its happiness.
It allows me to just stare at you
cause everything is already known
I can watch you be beautiful
Pleasant and silent
Expectant
Nothing gained and nothing.
I always loved that

I can imagine the worst while drunk
I can imagine a man
pulling a gun
and blasting one into my chest.
I can feel its wave
one to surf until it fades and I drift
ashore.
But, i cant see
you leaving me.
With less than words, slowly
like badly burnt rice.
I know when you taste like smoke
and that taste makes me not want to be near you
but
i never see it coming.
and i hope it never does again.

You are a terrible person. And
yet i fell for you once.
You were someone who
i saw myself with.
I did.
I really did. Then
Next you know,
I've gotten to know you
Im not in love with you like i thought.
Oh my god.
Its a side note to a whole range of things.
Every spark of its word
makes me cringe.
But,
I still do love you.
Surprising right
How someone who makes my stomach curl
finds a place in my heart instead.
I'm in love with you.
But in here,
You're family.