thursday

was the last time i saw your
loving blue eyes

and ever since then
i've been craving for them
to look into my bland
brown eyes
then slowly close
while leaning closer
to feel the bitter sweet feeling
of the lips that speak my name

the only thing that keeps me sane

1:58 am

the day has been over for hours for some people
but for you, it's just getting your mind started

where is he?
the boy who makes your heart race
who holds you close at your worse
who kisses your rosy cheeks
who leaves marks on your neck with black and blue

he's simply sleeping
maybe even dreaming of you
and when he wakes up,
he can think through of the dream of you two kissing and laughing at anything

but for you?

you can live in the reality you have with him now
not just through dreams, but from the thoughts

one day, we can own a home
be lazy, lay in bed, talk about books, or cuddle around with each other

but for now, all we are, are dreams and thoughts of our future

that's enough for me sweetheart

your slurred words on the phone

your ******* up text messages

but the truth is reviled in this time
and that's all i could ask for

having your drunken truth is better than being pampered with your sober lies

darling, you may be drunk, but i love you at your worst along with your best
and hearing "forever and ever baby" shows me this is how you feel

even when you're consumed with alcohol
you're perfect

blue was just a color
until i fell inlove with you

it became a feeling
after i heard those words "i love you"
returned with "i love you too"

now when i look into your eyes
i see an infinite lover
someone who has given me a feeling i have never felt before

i see the vibes you give me through your eyes

when you wrap your arms around me
when you cuddle me with your broad but perfectly shaped body
when you kiss my lips, my neck, my cheek, my forehead
and give me every kind of butterfly in my stomach

you give me the blue eye feeling

because every time i look into the eyes of my lover,
i fall more and more inlove

you wake up
it's 8:36 am
you feel yourself drift off into another dream
and it's 11:12 am when you realize
your dream of flying off to Europe
finding different wonders of the world is over

and you missed your 11:11 wish once again

you feel the days worsen every time you miss that specific time

but 11:11 is just another 60 seconds on the clock that gives you hope

and then your day comes when you meet that special boy
with blonde hair and blue eyes that make you feel like you're at
that beach in Europe you dreamed of

and you wonder if the 11:11's you wished on helped you meet this boy
or if the ones you missed gave you more time to meet along his path

what happens when the galaxy decides to swallow the stars

one by one, humans will no longer have that light to wish on

whether it was for that old loved one to return into your arms
a job where you can actually enjoy yourself
a meal or snack to munch on to get you through your day
to get out of the misery of being alone
to have enough money to buy that cd that helped you get through that one hard time
or just to have somewhere to sleep for the night, even with the presence of a lover

but then why would we need those stars, when earth is on the galaxy's list next

everyday is another day
spent without you

i still remember the day that you looked me in the face
and had it crash all down

i saw you later, laughing
as if you were so happy without me
because you were

i will never forget the tears i used on you
and how i hoped everyday you would come back

six hundred and sixty days later,
i do not wish for your presence back into my life

you are just a memory now

you may be better than he is, but you are not my world anymore
i thought you always would be

i survived that hell and got a piece of heaven

i thank you

your presence next to me
is simply a preview of heaven

but how can i make it to heaven when i let you tear me down?

not only you, but also my past as it creeps up my leg
making it hard to kick off the memory of the bad

i have sinned, by destroying myself and letting other's get the best of me

i let this happen, as i have changed

my walls have fallen and there's no where for me to go

my lover is not just comforting me, but is behind the trigger with all the others

but i thought you loved me?

how is it that someone who makes you most happy can also make you go madly insane?

insane that you fell inlove after promising yourself you wouldn't again

it brings you to drawing a blade across your own skin when you fight knowing its your fault

to having thoughts you would be better off gone and they would be happier without you

but then, how does it manage to make you happy to?

because the good overpowers all those horrible things

the feeling of butterflies
neck kisses
arms wrapped around you

the best and worst thing in the world for me
is
you