I try so hard to understand
Just where I fit into your hand.
Am I the King of your world,
Or the Wild, in your fingers, curled?
Am I the Queen you hold so tight,
Or just the Two you give up without a fight?
I might be the Joker by your side
To make you laugh when you want to cry.
Maybe the Jack, there just in case,
For those times you want a familiar face?
Am I one of the others, Three through Ten,
When you need an extra friend?
Or maybe I’m the Ace, up your sleeve
You only use when there’s a need.
You say I’m the best you’ve got
But only when others are not.

I’ve tried so hard to get you out of my head
All the things done and each word said
Every single touch and kiss we shared
Flooded with you, my mind’s impaired
To only way to be truly free
Is by full frontal lobotomy
Drastic decision to make
But there’s only so much I can take
Memories of us hurt so deep
Use all my strength not to weep
You expect me to carry on
As if you weren’t really gone
How is that to be
When my world was only you and me
Defeat to you, I must cede
But I hope I made you bleed
Cause my wounds still freely flow
With nowhere for it to go
Expect back inside the heart
That you’ve been breaking from the start

Not quite patiently, I wait
For what? I'm not sure
Maybe just to see your face
Or hear your voice, so pure
One day, I will hold your hand
Pick you up and spin you around
Get to kiss your cheek again
And never let you down
We'll talk of the things we've missed
Everything from now to then
How you got all that you wished
And what my life has been
Then we'll spend forever
With our arms around each other
Laughing and playing together
I promise! Love, your mother.

My life is dark and bleak
Without you, my soul is weak
All this pain I have to bare
Why is life so unfair?
You left in such a hurry
And go on with no worries
Not a single look back to see
Me fall so completely
Into this hole in the ground
There isn't a soul around
To help me out of this mire
So I can build your funeral pyre
It's so hard for me to survive
So whay do you get to be alive?
Selfishly, you cut me deep
Now it's your turn to beg and weep
You thought you were going to win
But you'll never hurt anyone else again

When you feel there is no way out,
Except death, by your own hand,
What do you do?
Do you take the easy way out?
Although, it really isn't easy, or guaranteed,
It will probably only make things worse.
So, what do I do/
Keep going?
Why should I/
What's the point of it all?
alive or dead, what's the difference?
It's a zombie-like life anyway.
No purpose or reason.
But a craving for something,
Something bigger and better than what I have.
Something I'd give anything to have,
Give everything I can to attain.
I don't know what it is I desire,
But I'd sell my soul for it.
So you ask me how I feel?
Desperate for change!

How can I still love you
After everything you put me through?
I was so happy with the way things used to be
Only to find out you were using me,
To boost your ego and make you feel good
But all the while you were cheating, just because you could.
I feel like such a fool, in the end
Sitting here, listening to you try and defend
You're a real piece of work
how did I never realize you were such a ****?
You say that you love me still
But we're too young for such a serious feel
I say you've been lying all along
Because you can't love someone and do them so wrong
Now you want me to wait for you?
What do you think I'm going to do?
Sit here and wait patiently
While you **** every girl you see?
I don't think so, so save your lies
I've seen the light and your wasting your time
I won't give you another chance to hurt me
Been there, done that, and now I see
The truth behind what you've been saying
All this time, the game you've been playing
I've been the safety net in case you fall flat
Now I know I'm worth more than that

It hurts so bad, I can barely breathe
Thinking of you, I start to seethe
Together I thought we'd always be
How could you do this to me?
Yesterday you dropped the news
My life, as I know it, I'm about to lose
You say that you have found another
To take my place as wife and mother
You tell me it was an accident
And men have certain needs to be met
So why are you acting like a spoiled little boy
Chasing after a shiny new toy?
Save your excuses for the new girl
I don't have to listen to them anymore
Although I wonder if she'll still want you
Once she knows you the way that I do

My soul reflected in your eyes
I wonder if you feel my surprise
At finding someone so much like me
Someone with whom I can truly be
Not having to hide behind a facade
The things others find a little odd
What I was made to see as flaws
You look upon with awe
And where they would run away
I hear you asking to stay
Scared to hope that it could be true
I find myself with faith in you
But in trusting you with my heart
I've no idea where to start
And the way you make me feel
Is something that I never knew was real
I know that I could fall for you
And Im unsure of what to say or do
Before you, my life was dark and bleak
Every time I hear your voice, my knees go weak
I'm trying not to be frightened of it breaking
Cause my heart is yours for the taking

I'm dreaming of you
And waiting for the day
Though I'm not sure what to do
Or even what to say

I'm wishing for the time
And the perfect place
To look into your eyes
And see the smile upon your face

I'm hoping for the chance
And for the stars to align
So that I can ask you for a dance
And maybe to be mine

Ever wonder, when life gets strange,
If there was a possibility for change?
What if we could alter our life plan,
Go back and do things over again?
Would things still turn out the same,
With only a different journey along the way/
What if I hadn't moved when I did?
Would I still have married and had a kid?
Or would I be better off now,
Never contemplating how?
Would I sacrifice the love
Sent here by God above,
So I wouldn't know the pain?
Then would I proceed to live my life in vain?
what if Timothy hadn't died?
And I had never cried?
Would I realize how lucky I am
Just to be able to hold his hand?
Can we remember that life is a prize
That, one day, we will all recognize,
And, hopefully, will come to cherish
Before the day that we all perish.

Voice cracking
Fighting the tears
Yelling and screaming
Never ending
No laughter
No happiness
Heart breaking
Can't keep going
Constantly bending
Trying not to snap
Always more
Never ceasing
Tension and Stress
Still shouting
No love
Just anger
Resentment
Bitterness
I quit

My world shattered
How can he be gone?
Never coming back
How can I move on?

My heart broken
What do I do?
Pieces falling down
What about you?

My soul destroyed
Why Timothy?
Tears pouring out
Why not me?