my newest habit
is running away
but still she said
i was lovely
theres nothing to say
so please go away
your eyes they look
right through me

i sit by myself mostly
watch as the train comes
listen to the men beneath the bridge
sing long lost lullabies
at the top of their lungs
the river breathed by
though i did not
left with all of my thoughts
i wished on a flower
like i do every day
but my heart cant take me away

the train passes again and again
who knows how long ive been here
or how long i will stay

i want to see you come
hear the noises you make
feel your body tense
next to mine
your hands in my hair
head thrown back
eyes closed
mouth agape
your pink lips invite me
to swallow your oxygen
with my kiss
it is so pretty, to me
to experience
your vulnerability
in the secret place
between my blankets
but more than anything
i want to give it to you
give you anything you need

she’d always whisper to me
“i have so much to say”
nobody cared though
i didn’t have the heart
to tell her
that she was invisible
always by my side
maybe in my head
trying to speak
to the outside world
nobody cared to listen
“i love you”
she’d say
“i read this book the other day”
she’d say
“i’m so lonely
so alone”
she’d say

nobody gave a ****
she started to realize
she was invisible

I read
Le Mythe de Sisyphe
yesterday
and stared at the wall
for 10 minutes
afterwards
the only thing
i could think
was how
my dreams felt so real
when I drank coffee
before sleep
how I spend my time
trying to find
what God could be
and how a writer’s diary
could destroy the world

Well I wrote in my diary later
that there was no point
in writing anymore
there was no rational reason
to create
But today I wrote again
that I may as well be
Sisyphus himself;
but instead of a rock
it was pen and paper

I scrawled at the bottom
in cursive
‘One must imagine Sisyphus happy’
and closed my notebook
for a short while

i’ve got this feeling in my stomach
lately
like it’ll never settle again
i’m not sure what i want
but i want it too much
i’ve got rocks in my stomach
because of you
i think
waves crash against them
splashing
almost high enough to reach
my heart
i want to *****
i want you

the man bowing
tonight in the temple
is a man who is more lost
than a ****-head in an alley

i do not want to hear
what your book says
about right and wrong
or what will become
of the world
your religious words
have become ***** to me
after all i’ve seen
so please
don’t make me hear it again

“Praise God”
“Hallelujah”
“Blessed is He”
“Salvation is near”
the words mean nothing
but easy acceptance

instead i will read
the secrets written
on flower petals
and listen to whispers
of far away galaxies
i will worship nothing
except laughter
friendship
and adventure

you can keep your holy words
and tiny world
i will take the universe as it is

i robbed a bank
because you asked me to
and parachuted from the sky
i danced on tables
quit smoking cigarettes
and decided i didnt want to die
i drove 9 hours with no rest
and stayed to cuddle in bed
i cooked some breakfast for you
told you what was in my head

i’d do anything
you asked me to
anything at all
but mostly i wish you’d look inside
and ask me to love you