I was walking along the shoreline
On a warm afternoon in July when
I noticed a piece of polished wood
Bobbing helplessly in the shallow water,
So I pulled it from the salty sea and
Admired the intricate carvings and
Detailed line work across the face.
Just as I was running my thumb
Over the still smooth edges, I
Noticed another piece floating
Just a few feet away from me.
Within the hour, I had gathered
An entire armful of wood, and
Within the week, I had an entire
Table full of mismatched pieces.
So I began working unceasingly
At putting the pieces back together.
I started with the inside, the
Smooth heart shaped piece with
The slight cracks and divots,
Followed by a circular piece
That resembled the brain
With the deep crevices.
I then pieced together
The smooth fingertips
And the rugged feet,
And connected every
Limb and joint together
Until a boy of about
Six feet was standing
In front of me.
I snapped on the
Final piece and watched
As he came alive before me.
His eyes as deep as the mahogany
Looked into mine and smiled, as
Though thanking me.
And he turned his
Back to me and
Walked away.
It wasn't until
That moment that
I realized I had poured
Every ounce of myself into
Piecing back together that boy,
So now every ounce of myself
Was walking out my front
Door with a real boy
Who didn't need
Me anymore.

I realized that I didn't actually love you
I only loved how you made me feel
and
who you were
but I was young
and
I thought that the way you made me feel
was love
the way you would
     listen to me
hear me
and
     promise me things  
you were like the petal and I was the rose
and
just like the petal
you soon started to die
and
eventually f
                      a
                         d
                             e    
                                                             ­                                       away

you lied to me and broke your promise
when you said you'll never leave
I lied when I said "I know"

because look at us now
you're at your house
  laughing
and
  talking
like I was never in your life
I'm here
  laughing
and
  talking
like you never were in my life
and
after all I actually think I'm going to be okay

j.f

Stage One - Experimentation:
I've seen it before, on movies and television shows.
The peer pressure, the giving in, the going back again.
And that's exactly what it felt like to me.
The pressure of your hand against the small of my back,
The way my body fell apart at your touch,
Like an ancient foundation crumbling,
And the desire that stirred in my chest to feel your touch once more.
At first, I only wanted a taste of you.
But the thrill that you brought me was something not easily forgotten.

Stage Two - Regular Use:
It became a casual thing,
Feeling you coursing through my bloodstream.
A knock on the door like the prep of a needle,
And your hand pulling me in like the ***** of skin,
And within seconds, a high I couldn't recognize,
As though I was walking on the sky and the
Grass was tickling my eyelashes,
And your fingers were pressed
Into the dimples in my hips.

Step Three - Risky Use/Abuse:
Before I knew it,
I was lying awake,
Wide-eyed in bed at night,
Imagining your fingertips
Tracing the inside of my thighs.
So I brought my pillow and blanket
And pitched a tent at the foot of your bed.
Then swore to myself I'd never leave your house again.

Step Four - Drug Dependency:*
A minute without your breath against my neck
Causes my chest to burn and my knees to shake,
But every time your breath fills my lungs,
I can feel the years of my life falling away.
Your lips are my nourishment,
Your sighs are my fluids,
And your kiss is my IV drip.
Every part of you has consumed every inch of my thoughts,
Even the dusty corners I have forgotten about,
And with every gentle touch, I can feel the withering of my heart,
Like a flower never to bloom again,
But it's a beautiful destruction.

Whatever you do,
Don't fall in love
With loveless boys.

The boys who stay awake
Until 4 am taking long drags
On cigarettes and blowing
The smoke into the wind.

The boys who down bottles
Of whiskey at a time and
Wipe their mouths with their
Sleeves, eyeing you from
Across the room as they do.

The boys who frequent
Alleyways and rooftops
And libraries because
They are anything but
Ordinary.

The boys who watch you
Fall in love with them and
Don't feel a **** thing
For you as you do.

Boy with the beautiful smile-
Sure, I loved sleep
But dreams couldn't compare
Not to talking to you until my mind screamed for rest
And the butterflies in my stomach settled

Boy with the amount of love to fill an ocean-
Everybody said we were 'perfect' together
And I always thought they just said that
But I believed it one day a couple weeks ago
When I saw you with her, your eyes were emotionless

Boy with crooked pinky-
Sometimes I intertwine my own fingers
Closing my eyes, losing myself in a daydream
Where your voice is more than an echo in my mind
And I even believe for a few seconds you're still here

Boy who called me angel-
I still write about you until my fingers ache
And still after that I keep writing
Because there's just some people you could write about forever
And darling, you're one of them.

Boy who listened to music with me-
I still listen to our song on rainy summer nights
As the sun goes down and my smiles turn to frowns
Sometimes (all the time) I wonder where you are?
How are you?

Boy who let me borrow his sweatshirt-
My favorite foods don't taste the same anymore
Not after the sparks of your tongue burnt my mouth
Not to mention, how you left my eyes lifeless
Foods don't even look appetizing anymore

Boy with the corny jokes and sayings-
Today I heard someone say your favorite phrase
It used to annoy me to no end
But this time I teared up because it was funny
And I was just to dumb to realize it then

Boy with the lovely blue eyes-
Your eyes haunt me whether I'm dreaming or not
And what haunts me more is the fact that
I may never see you again
While your off somewhere beautiful
Smiling and laughing with her

At least you are happy

(p.s. these are all
for, about, and to
you and always you
it will always be you.
I miss you so much.)

he's everything you wanted. everything you wished for. he'll twist his fingers through your hair. and tell you pretty lies like "I love you more than anything". he'll laugh at your jokes but inside he'll think they're lame. he'll call you beautiful but also think she is too. he'll say too much when he wants to get out of a situation. and he's not who you thought he was, is he? but you knew when his lips tasted like sugar and his touch burned like a fire, that he would get more than a second or third chance for all his endless mistakes. because everyone makes 'mistakes', right?