when he kissed me i got that feeling you get when you hear your old favorite song
like his lips were melodies id heard before
and his teeth bit familiar lyrics onto my lips
it doesnt usually feel like this
its my favorite feeling
pity it never lasts longer than a hickey
or a paper cut

stick and poke your name onto my skin with a with a rusty needle,
youre painful and faded
i think a lot about his eyelashes and how he looks at me before we kiss
i wish i didnt miss
your skin on my skin and your hands around my neck
but i do and i will till you come back and i can feel you pressed against me and ill be whole again
sometimes i close my eyes and picture waking up next to you, your mouth slightly parted and your hand in mine
i hope i wake up from this dream sometime
youre too good to be real
from your lips, to your words, to your smile
i can feel
myself losing you even though you arent mine yet

ts 9.55 p.m
my thighs are stinging from the alcohol i used to clean my wounds
im trying to decide whether im too depressed to touch myself but its the only thing that gets me to sleep
i have too many thoughts rummaging around my head looking for a home but there are no vacancies
i cant stop thinking
i want to stop hurting the ones i love
i want to stop hurting myself
i want to start loving myself
i want to be loved
too many things seem impossible, even the things i have already done
i think alot about people who have no one and the fact that i have so many people who love and care for me but i dont talk to them because i feel like a virus
im gonna touch myself
its 10.02 p.m

sometimes i stay up thinking about what it would feel like to taste his last cigarette on his tongue
its ok its just that
you treat me like gold then get up and run
back to your comfort zone back to your all alone nights spent thinking about me and how you dont wanna hurt me but cant help it
atleast i hope you do
i dont know if its cause your cute or what but i know i deserve better and i wont stop you from walking over me like the jacket i wished you would have lay over the puddle to keep my shoes clean
how sweet
so sweet
you're sweet, you know that right?
i like you a lot
i like the thought of touching your hair
i like the thought of you touching yourself
it isnt fair but its what i felt
i like the thought of your hands wrapped around my neck and your lips leaving bruises on my hip bones but that isnt it
i wanna sit on your lap, i wanna sit on your face, i wanna feel your fingers trace my beauty spots into constellations
i wanna bite your shoulder and tell you how cute you look underneath me
but instead ill bite my heart out and tell you how sad you look behind me

she loved the sun, which was seldom where she came from
and it puzzled me
because the more she opened up
the more i could see that her mind was a storm
a storm in which i would wait one thousand eternities to witness
i’d drink her raindrops and get high off her mist
soak up her lightning and kiss the thunder bolts that escape her chapped lips
and sometimes I'll bathe in the small strips of sunlight she shines when it's all over
you see, she gets this dimple on the corner of her smile when I make her laugh and her eyes turn a new shade of blue when we touch and i am utterly obsessed with the idea that I created these beautiful things in my favorite hello and saddest goodbye.