I wish I was a pretty girl,
I wish I was able to please you in bed,
I wish you loved me as her
a fairy princess
flowing gowns that sparkle and shine,
High heels, bracelets earrings of gold
maybe then you’d be sold.
Instead I am a warrior
broad shouldered, snarling, snorting, biting beast
I back down to no man,
I stand up at all challenges
fight every battle
I wish I was a pretty girl,
I wish I was your girl
In your arms every night
tucked in close
at your table every morning
bringing you eggs to eat and juice to drink
in your house every day
I wish I was a pretty girl
frail, leaning on you for constant support
but I am a determined ****
I am miles away, I am alone,
I have embarked on an adventure
far away from you,
missing you
wishing for you
unable to have you but in mind.
I wish a was a pretty girl
but I’m not and I refuse to be.

it's cold and I feel small
i'm alone and I feel abandoned
i'm me, but i've lost myself in your love
I hope you feel the same,
yet your feelings never shown
I am in constant turmoil
he loves me he loves me not
he loves me he loves me-
BOOM
my feelings explode inside me
I am hit with the shrapnel
Am I good enough?
Does you care as I do?
what will become of me and you?
he loves me he loves me not
he loves me he-
I can;t function like this can't think
I work to keep busy but I am constantly distracted
awaiting our next meeting,
next encounter
then left to my own devices I wonder
why it's so delayed
who you're with and what you're doing
how you're probably not thinking of me
It is against my morals to sit and wait
at home for you to come
for you to leave your job and see me
but I do it
It hurts to stay and it hurts to go
what will become of this, of us,
I dont think either one of us knows
but such are the trials of young love
and I suppose it's something to accept and embrace
but still I dread the heartache

Standing at the edge of uncertainty
at the threshold of our lives
we stare numbly down the hall of opportunity
As youths every door wide open
As young adults many are locked shut
closed.
Rooms never to be explored,
Yet as ederly members of society
they could all open again
after the one thing we all fear
An experience of which there is no return
it's odd how life works
So as children take advantage
of an and all opportunities
and as young adults try to hold open as many doors as you can
Don't let society or pressure slam shut
Love or hope or untraditional carreers
and as an ederly man or woman
always look forward
never back
as your doors will all re-open

Today,
I was shot down,
told I was too ugly to date the star of the football team.
But that’s okay,
I’ve had my eye on the geek.
But back to me.
Honesty, confidence and intelligence,
are these the qualities you all find so ugly?
Of is this concept of beauty within beyond your brain capacity?
I am proud of who I am and what I am
I will not change for you or you or you or ANYONE that calls me ugly,
My beauty is unique because unlike the prom queen, the homecoming qeen, Barbie and any other beautiful female figure….
no matter how old, how fat, how tall, how short I am
no matter how messy my hair, how runny my makeup
my beauty will not fade,
my beauty is of a different shade.
I am a rare find, one of plain honest normalcy
I am no super model, no cheerleader, no athlete in general,
I am not physically attractive,
and neither is that geek
that one you all make fun of,
the one who sits alone at lunch
the one with the disheveled look
the one I can not live without
The one lacking muscle, lacking an ego
just simply himself as I am simply myself
and as you should all
simply be yourselves
when you are you for you and only you
then you and everyone else can achieve a certain inner beauty
one that shines past the makup, that will run, the muscle that will turn to fat, and the ego that is so frail, and can rip open like a wound gushing false confidence at the sight of a challenger.
you with the attitude, you’re too ugly, you with the complex, you’re too ugly,
you consumed by your money you are all too ugly FOR ME and every one like me
for those above your twisted image of beauty.

**** this restricting world!
**** this corporate America!
Just kidding, we’re free

or

we’re told we are free
given a right to life liberty and property,
well originally,
but now we have the right to pursue happiness,
not to be happy, just to look for it,

But my search is over.
Who could ever be happy in this polluted world?
No polluted like the air,
polluted in the mind,
We are sick twisted carbon copies of what was once greatness

No room in the curriculum for questioning
MCAS MCAS MCAS
SAT SAT SAT
AP AP AP
these standardized tests **** originality  
****** questioning
Memorizing the test is blinding,
shutting out the good things in this still wondrous world,

you see me sitting quietly in my room,
My mind is screaming
you see me sitting calmly at my desk
I violently ****, and pull, and stretch the cage I’m in
taken captive by a so called reality

A reality in which money is the same as success
A reality where feeling is a sign of weakness,
and a reality in which fun is only for stupid children
when did this horror begin?

Money is meaningless just a piece of paper
feeling is NOT weakness it’s what reminds us we are human
and fun is something everyone needs sometimes

I was given hands, a mind, a mouth and legs
these are (from what I’m told) the tools required to rise above this reality
Yet this image, this illusion is stopping me
this illusion that my tools are inadequate broken

It’s like that favorite toy a young child has because
as I said fun is just for kids, by the way thanks for denying us Trix
anyways he’s at school all day
just waiting to play with it,
unable to think about anything else,
and he gets home and runs through his mom cooking in the kitchen
rushed up the stairs
almost trips but doesn’t
and he gets to his room picks up this fantastic toy and
it’s batteries are missing

This is like me

My hands have the ability to write,
to draft new ideas
beautify the world with diction and rhetoric
unify the world with strong words
that have positive connotation,
because I don’t want to pursue happiness
I’m a little greedy and it’s like this
if I have the right to live
and the right to liberty
than I am making **** sure that I am happy

My mind is a holy vessel
or it was before I let it be molded
before I betrayed the great thinkers that came before me
it should be home to morals and ethics,
yet it’s filled with lies
all my productive thoughts blocked
by the newest TV series on ABC and FOX

My mouth would be very useful
if my mind would help me think of something intelligent to say
oh I wish I didn’t betray
let them in day by day
infusing me with poisonous thoughts
thought of memorizing facts not understanding them
thoughts about questioning being the same as stupidity
thoughts lacking individuality

My legs should help me
stand up for what I believe in
Like Martin Luther King did
Like Fredrick Douglass did
Like The Framers, Rosa Parks, Abbie Hoffman
and Abraham Lincoln did
Stuff I would fight for
live, cry, and die for-
But I’m feeling crippled today

We’ve run out of Prophets Renegades and leaders

we are part of a generation too easily influenced and too quickly swayed
but what can I say? I am a victim just like you
and I’m curious as to what we need to do

I have-I’m not sure yes yes I think it’s an idea
and I might need you

Lets hold each other up
support our crippled legs with one another
lets question even when we’re told there’s no room
lets resurrect originality I mean after all
we have the right to life liberty and property,
well originally

Dangling upside down, held up by only trust
I am suspended over a bridge,
One of which I am afraid to cross,
afraid to think about,
afraid to imagine.
But you hold me there
suspended
laughing
I don’t know why I let you torture me
I know I’m going to fall
hard and fast
painfully
but it’s happening and I feel as if I have no control
I let it happen
and then you’re gone
years later I can’t forget
that bridge,
that night
that mistake and the long recovery.
but that’s all later
right now I’m
dangling upside down, held up only by trust
I am suspended over a bridge
unsure of what to do.

So my dear dear homework we must go our separate ways,
I was loyal all winter,
but I can no longer see you every night
and I cant bear wasting my time in this newly found sunlight
month after tedious month you’ve expected my full attention
week after week you demand that I “do you”
and that I “do you good”
even on my off nights, when I’m tired,
overwhelmed or stressed
you want it.
and so my dear dear homework this is why I must break this relationship off
it’s not healthy
you’re suffocating me
isolating me from my friends and family
and don’t start with the “they never liked me” line
because they said the opposite all the time.
Go back to living in my teachers desk drawer
if there’s even room there anymore.
Maybe I’ll think back on you some rainy spring day
but while the suns out and the grills cooking
I can’t stand to even see you today.