prosthetic conscience;
product of religion.
no concept of right and wrong.
doing good to get to heaven.
morals and standards
with nothing to back them,
but you’re harsh and judgmental;
so quick to condemn.
but tell me, who died,
and appointed you god?
you wear chains of gold,
a holy facade.
your drive is yourself,
your wallet; your riches,
while there are children starving,
making homes in ditches.
but you live the life
of luxury and privilege,
while you ignore,
and fail to acknowledge
those in hardship;
those in need,
because you’re not fueled by goodness.
you’re fueled by your own greed.

Sometimes it’s easier sleeping
alone. Sleep finds me faster, because
my brain is quiet. Some nights,
your memories of her thicken the air
with every breath you exhale,
making it impossible for me to breathe.

     And I can’t blame you for that.
And I tell myself this over and over
and over and over again. But the static
of a voice that I have never heard
fills my head with the sweet nothings
that she whispered into your ear
long before my time.

     Perhaps letting go of people
is easier for me. All my life I’ve watched
the people I need walk away,
effortlessly. And I wanted to be like that, too.
And I am.

      But now I cannot let go of your
memories of her that choke me, and
the sound of her voice calling out your
name in the dead of the night, and I cannot
fathom the thought of her being with you
in the dreams playing in your head.

Sometimes it’s easier sleeping alone.

I know I said before
That sometimes it’s easier
To sleep alone,
But it isn’t. Sometimes,
I forget the sincerity
In your eyes when you say,
"I love you,"
And I forget the warmth
Of your skin on mine,
And I forget that the only thing
I want is to wake up
The same way I fell asleep:
Next to you.
Because all I can hear
When I sleep alone
Are glasses smashing in my skull,
And all I can remember
Are the thoughts I don’t want to have,
And I’m wrapped up in a coldness
That aches my bones to their very marrow.
And all I need is your voice
To stop the smashing and quell my thoughts,
And your body to keep me warm,
On my coldest, darkest nights,
And your eyes to keep me anchored
To a love that rings true.