Frozen
Under trees and rocks
I know who you were
You are in my clean crisp columns
Names now
Dates now
Indulgent with all I don't know
One life for every stranger
Here you are a wonder
Only defeated at the last second
Blood on your cheeks
Pinched pink
Finding hope
Here you are
Names on my list
Heroes

When you're absent, I'm myself
Perhaps a bit lonelier version
No less fitful and bored
But capable of happiness

When you're here, I'm unbearable
I live for whatever piece I can get
I switch from human to pet
I'm a dog scraping leftovers off of your floor

Living for others is what I do
I'm half-dead when it comes to you
I'm a vicious, thirsty version of me
And you love it

Stabbers take turns
First mom, then sister
Then sister, then brother
Even when I slide myself off
And hide myself in my life
It still hurts
Words that split my ears
And make me question who, what, where
Even when I shut it out
And smother it with verse
It still hurts
It seems like you all get along so well when I'm your target
I'll be the silence that keeps you all together
A common enemy
I know my place

Showering, peeping through the curtain
Waiting for ghosts in striped camp clothing
Waiting for gas
Terror

Back to reality
Me in the rose tiled tub
Music playing
Hot water

Driving, staring at tall trees in the forest
Waiting for smoke to billow above
Waiting for the smell
Eerie

Reality
Three children strapped in
Husband holding leather covered steering wheel
Air Conditioning

This isn't my chosen voyeuristic retreat
Drenched in the ease of today
Still seeing what lurks in the shadows

Mother's creation
That she despises

You
My dearest
Try to Love

Oh darling
Can't you see
My own Mother can't love me

I will let you inside
Rent space in my head
and I'll take heed and make an attempt
To conquer whatever it is about me that you spend so much time devaluing
And when you're in there, would you kindly mind shutting off whatever longings and needs I may have
Just flip that switch and tie a rope to it that extends to a nail in the ground
And cancel whatever subscription I have to the "Pity Party" hotline
Make sure it is forwarded to you
For you deserve all the pity and sympathy for having to endure me
Go ahead and stab out whatever cortex may be responsible for my behavior towards you
**** it and bury it and don't be manipulated by it like you were in the past
Stuff me full of you-loving and you-respecting ingredients
Fashion me into the sort of a person you could love

Darrell
Rhymes with barrel
and Christmas carol
and several names
like Cheryl and Meryl

If I was writing a rhyming poem
I'd rhyme your name with "peril"
Not that I'd do it well
But it's better than rhyming it with "sterile"

I could make up nonsense words for rhyming sake
like...larrell and parrell and tarrell
And I could write a poem especially for you
and the impossible to rhyme with "Darrell"

I'll fail miserably at it
But I love you enough to try
Maybe I'll improve on my list of "Darrell" rhymes
and make you as happy as a pie in the sky next to bread made of rye sitting on the plate of a famished guy, tie, buy, cry, lie

Again, I tried.