stumbling, but still breathing.
and wondering where you are, where i should go and how much you could possibly miss me.
it's when you're alone that you know what's exactly wrong. the pain and sorrow trapped inside your crazy head, like a lion trying to escape a cage.
and once i find that you're at a point of giving up for good, i let you let go.
and then in that moment it's better, happier.
you can remember how to breathe;
and you actually enjoy it.

This house used to be alive
Laughter, love, family, hope, blissful ignorance of what'd come to be.
But now it's just me.
Alone.
The silence of this house is a shadowed memory of the love of a home.

The pills got what they wanted, and took pops away. My cat was older than me, and just left us one day.

I miss being asked what I wanted for dinner. I miss football in the street, with dad, or him pulling out my splinters.

What about running home from the bus stop to grandma's donuts? Or watching the fireworks on our blankets, I miss this **** so much.

Isn't there someone who wants me to feel alright?
Can't God just help me sleep all night?
Cant we just have one more snowball fight?
Couldn't dad watch me enlist? And teach me how to low crawl right?

Cause if I go to Afghanistan, I'd want him to see, everything I became, and send me letters overseas, saying how proud he is, and how much he loves me. And cry and hug me in the airport when he sees me in greens.


Cause that year would've felt like forever. But now it's been eight, and I know that we'll never.

hello, I miss you
the stars screamed at me not to let you drive away
and I should have said something
anything
worth you being here
because I never knew "goodnight"
could be a synonym for goodbye
and I am not ready to be alone once more

hello, I miss you
do you miss me?
you told me you did once after you pulled over to the side of the road 20 miles away from my house claiming that you couldn't drive any farther until I knew
you never turned around though
I wasn't worth enough
it wasn't until later that I figured out that could be the only thing I have left to hold onto

hello, I miss you
since you are gone I have no best friend besides my reflection
and even she does not want to talk
sometimes
we both have sad eyes and no one to look into them
you were my light and now there is only
darkness
(the stars have given up trying to warn me)

Tired.
Losing sleep.
You're always there.
I can't stop thinking,
Can't stop myself loving you.
I don't know how to love.
You shouldn't trust me to love right.
Maybe that's why you shunned me before, right?
I know you said it was because I hurt,
But how does not loving someone not hurt any more?

He makes me Happy

He makes me smile

I'm over the moon for him

His hugs are perfection

His kisses are sweet

And his smile is breathtaking

He is changing my life

One step at a time

Dear Trayvon,

We should be rioting in the streets
But it’s raining.
We should be banging our fists
****** against the locked doors
Of state buildings screaming justice!
But the tea kettle is on and
I had one too many drinks last night, so.

I feel guilty for the protection of patriarchy, for never
Wondering as I walk home in the evenings
Who will shoot me
For my skin,
For never waking up at night from
The nightmare picture of my son’s killer
Smiling as he walks free.

They pretended this was
About youth violence and
Text messages and
Self defense, which is like saying
Matthew Shepard was about a broken fencepost
And the Holocaust was about the right
of innocent Nazis to collect gold fillings
From shattered jewish teeth.
You were black.
You were black. And being black
In America makes you threatening
And being scared
of a teenager turns ****** into
Neighborly behavior.

And I will never have to worry
About someone protecting themselves
From the threat of my skin.
So I will never have to question
My complicity in a country
That would rather shoot down
Than stand for
Its young men.
So I will stand outside
Drinking tea and letting the rain cry for me
While I beat my fists against nothing
And by the morning you will
Already be forgotten
Just like all the other
Beautiful threatening boys
We never cared enough to know.

everything will be okay
just please wait another day
the stars will shine
the grass will get greener
the flowers will bloom
but don't look back
leave the past behind
just remember you'll be fine

( r.c )