i wear it in the morning
to smell him from last night
i wear it in the evening
until the night has shed it's light
i wear it in my sleep
so it's like he's next to me
i wear it in my dreams
so i forget he tossed me in the sea

I have touched his every circle, line, and rectangle
I have kissed every messy hair tangle
I have caressed every piece of flesh hidden
I have pressed my lips against his forbidden

I have succumbed to his open mouth kisses
I have submitted when his smug smile misses
I have stroked his throbbing member
I have promised him my month of December

I have gazed at a god in my eyes
I have seen past his everyday lies
I have loved his ****** up chest
I have seen him at his best

I have seen him at his worst
I have also been the one to love him first
I have watched him drink to leave from me
I have finally set his cold heart free

orange colored cones agree with the end of my cigarettes
the smoke follows my gaze to concrete seats
and reflections of pink of blue

***** stores bring a red tint to my cheeks
as my cigarette takes me further down the street
down to where closed mouthed kisses were accepted

golden colored liquid seeps down my throat
as i try to stay in the lane i once drove down
when the movies didn't make me remember

lights stab my eyes as i stumble to my goal
green walls with melting glass and unbreakable necklaces
stimulating my senses with the smell of sweet absence

you were everywhere
now you are nowhere

hopeless from the beginning
i couldn't find you
glass eyes stared back at me
hollow as the howling black moon

improbable from the start
i couldn't reach you
arms wrapped around your waist
you turned away from me in disgust

impossible from the first word
i couldn't leave you
adhesive leaked from your lungs
trapping me in my dimension of desperation

untouchable from that day
i couldn't read you
the stars strung us together with lighters  
killing us together

difficult from the first thought
i couldn't see you
voices clouded your mind in hopes to confuse
to push me away from your arms

hopeless from the end
i couldn't love you
you saw the beast inside me and left
leaving me with nothing but the smell of your cigarettes

All these words to make you see how much you mean to me
All these phrases to make you feel how much I feel for you
All these unsaid sentences to make you realize how much I want you
         Mean complete ****.
so i grabbed onto you and held
trying to diffuse everything i was feeling into your skin
hiding them in every concrete and crumbling part of you
the parallel curved lines that was your smile
and the crinkled part of your elbow that told me your secrets
i told you the voices weren't real
letting you cry hot tears onto my hair
in hopes they'd burn my skin and scar your name
i gazed into your eyes as you laid atop me
holding my arms in the position of passion
your breath smelt of sin and i knew that this was my dream
multi-colored delusions that we shared in the silence of your house
a house that was my escape to you
an excuse to hold you close
i dreamed of you touching my lines, my indented skin
and tell me I was beautiful
but your gaze was hazy so you couldn't see me
your words slurred and collided until your truthful lies came out
and i drank away your sorrows
drove away your rejection
in hopes you'd one day love me
but the trash has been taken out
and i am alone in the shower with the door unlocked
waiting, waiting
for you to knock on the door