Being in a relationship can be so complicated.
I'd assume that's why I'm not in them most often.
But this boy was sweet, and I had liked him a bit.
So I gave it a go, even though I hadn't dated in over a year.
And to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing.
What am I supposed to do, act, say?
It had been a while.

And maybe I was the one who caused us to fall to ruin.
Maybe it was my lack of knowlege or experience
that led to our downfall.
You were fine. But I was not.
You wanted to hold hands, to hug, snuggle, and kiss.
I didn't feel so comfortable with all of those.

Although I liked talking to you,
I didn't feel that click.
And when I closed my eyes,
I evisioned the road of years through my life.
I thought of my wedding and who I would be with.
And... I didn't see you.
The man by my side was still fuzy,
I guess I hadn't met him yet.
But you, I couldn't envision and future with you.

So then I had a thought,
It would only be logical to end this,
our relationship.
What was the point in continuing
if I knew it was inevitablly going to end.

My friend has often told me that
I'm the "emotionally attached" one.
I rely on my feelings.
And I think there is truth to that.
I didn't feel any emotion that sparked
meaning within me when I was with you.

So I ended it. And you asked to still be friends.
That's fine with me. Friends is good.
But I've noticed since then,
you haven't paid me no mind.
Haven't talked to me in particular,
or directly to me at all.
I saw you, but you were distant. You still are.
You talked with any girl but me.

And it's hard to just suddenly get used to that.
One day, I saw you before and after
every single period at school.
You always made the effort to talk to me,
to rub my hands, or scratch my back
when you could tell I was stressed.

Then the next day, you were gone.
I knew your schedule and
what classes you'd be in at a certain time.
It's like the phrase "so close, yet so far away"
That seems the perfect description for it.
Because you were right there,
where I could walk up and talk to you,
but you turned around, and walked away.

I see you talk with those girls and I wonder,
Does he not miss me at all?
Am I so easy to replace with just another girl?
Do I hold no signifigance whatsoever?
And I begin to realize, I miss you.
I miss how large your hand was and
that it practically swallowed mine.
I miss being able to lean against you
and aimlessly doze off.
I miss your humor and the
small compliments you'd always give me.
No boy had ever spoke so sweetly to me before.

It's not that I feel we should get back together.
I did the right thing. I was not happy in our relationship.
But I'm still not happy now that it ended,
and aprubtly at that.
I just wish you would talk to me.
Say something. Anything.
Walk next to me in the hallway so
I won't be alone.
Look into my eyes with yours,
as if you could speak that way.
I just wish you wouldn't ignore
my presence completely.

And it's now that I finally realize,

I took you for granted.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes it's great
just to relax here &
to let the music wash over me
It fills my ears
and winds itself into my blood stream
It wraps around my slowly beating heart
And it pulses with it, peaceful

It is my calming joy
It is my relaxing symphony
And I can lay here
And I will feel secure
I can gaze above me at the wide universe,
with so many questions,
but those questions are for another time
Right now is for admiring the beauty of the galaxy

These clouds float over my soft skin,
spraying it's percipitation
along my upturned face
I can feel the rain,
and the sunshine,
And I can see the rainbows dancing
behind my closed eyelids.

Slowly, ever so slowly,
I open my eyes
to the world around me
And I see
I can see life and the earth
The angels that shine in the heavens
as they sing thier soothing melodies
This moment is perfect
And I release a relaxed sigh
I can feel the hues and pigments
of calm spread without me

I am at peace

I don't know what to do

I feel guilty when you put your arm around my waist
And I slowly place my hand over yours,
And I peel it away from me

You look at me with those eyes,
You say the sweetest things,
Yet I don't know how to respond

You'll lean in for a kiss
And I'll turn so your lips instead
Meet my cheek

Why do I feel this way?
It's almost kind of awkward.
I just wish it could feel normal.
That I'll feel that spark that links
Between the two of us.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Maybe I'm just being stupid.
I'm being an emotional child
Who's ideas of love are far fetched
And play out like a Disney movie

None of this is making sense to me
And I'm beginning to think,
"Maybe we should call it quits"
But I don't want that to break you
And I don't want that to break me.

I just wish I knew what to do.

I wish he could see how I'm starting to care
I wish he could tell that my heart leans towards him
With each new compliment he gives
I blush and shine just a little bit brighter

I wish he could be  happy
and I wish I could be the one to show him
I wish he'd get over her
She's over him

I wish I could look into his eyes
and see a reflection of my emotions
I wish he would walk in
and place a smile upon my lips

I wish that when I wake
from dreams of him,
I won't feel ashamed
Like I've just done something wrong

I wish he would lean down
and place a small kiss
on the point of my nose
so I can quickly lift up
and press my lips to his

I wish he wasn't the cause
of this sudden desire and lust
and the anguish that follows

I wish his feelings were real
rather than a distraction
I wish he didn't do this
because it is unfair to me

I wish he could see this,
my poems of him,
And he would know
how I feel

And I wish that wouldn't make him
scared no longer
He would know he could
trust me

I wish once he read them,
a smile would slowly make
it's way across his features

Then he would look to me
And his eyes would sparkle
for once he'd be happy
to have
me

**I wish

That girl spoke of her boyfriend so sweetly. She claimed they were in love with only a week of knowing him. But the way she spoke, it was almost like I could believe her.

And then I look at us, and our relationship. Almost a month now. I think we've been doing well. No serious fights yet, although there are times when we get under each other's skin. But we've been alright. Happy, even.

But love? Do I love you? Do you love me? How would I respond if you said that four lettered word?

Quite frankly, I'm afraid I'd run. I'd hide away to someplace where my feelings could not be confronted. When we hold hands, I feel the warmth of your fingers, but no spark. When I meet your gaze, I see your eyes but feel no connection. When you kiss my lips, it's a dull process and not some heart racing adventure.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want that 'sweep a girl off her feet' moment. The kind there are in books, movies. When I read of the ways another human being can affect your heart, I wait to feel that with you. But it doesn't come. Am I being ignorant? Am I a hopeless romantic looking for something that doesn't exist?

Imagine the guilt I will feel if you tell me you love me and I can't say the same. I wish that not to happen, because even though I don't feel that way yet, I still like you and don't want you hurt.

~Your Kay~

i look up at the stars dusting the blue sky with their brilliant gold

the night is peaceful and the air is calm

i close my eyes for but a moment

then open them, to see the galaxies are smiling down to me

Dark shadows
That is all he sees
He cannot see the good,
The green leaves upon the trees

He does not even notice
How the sun can shine so brightly
How a day can be so beautiful
When nature smiles slightly

No, all he sees is the black of night
and the ghouls that hide among it
The monsters clawing at him
Reaching to where he sits

If only he knew he is the creator
of all those awful things
And brings it upon himself
the horrors that they bring

I have tried to show him
That he can fight the darkness
He can save him from himself
And he can be victorious

But he has no ears for my words
He has no sight for my actions
He cannot see the good
In the world around him

If only he would give it
just a single chance
He'd finally feel happy
He'd hold a happy stance

I will still remain
I will try my case
To open up that door for him
That will release him from dark space

Your hand warms mine
It engulfs mine
Mine looks like just a small thing in yours
And it surprises me
I did not think my hand could be so small
I had no idea it could covered so easily

And your feet
Yours are large compared to mine
I had never though I had small feet
But they look small around you

And you in general
You're not very big,
but you're bigger than me
I didn't think that I was small, or short, or little
But around you,
that's how I feel

In a way, it's kinda nice
The way you tower over me
The way I have to look up
to see into your eyes
I like that you are stronger
Your muscles aren't huge
but they are tense and of strength
and they are assuring

I know that if needed,
you could protect me
And I know with even more happiness,
that you would protect me

I do feel small
when wrapped in your arms
but I feel safe, secure

And it's great to look into your eyes
And to see your concern
To know you waste away time
worrying about me
Little
insignificant
me

I Love You

I used to love you
I used to care
But then you left me
Without any air

You gave no reason
As to why you left
You gave no reason
For your actions of theift

Because in all sense,
That's what you are
You lurked around
And then stole my heart

You made me love you
You made me care
Then I woke one day
And you were not there

I wondered around
Lonely and confused
I wondered around
Looking for you

And then I found you
You looked so full of glee
But it was with her
And not with me

For a long while, I felt empty
And stepped on, or kicked
It truly did hurt
That I was no longer your pick

Over time, though
My wounds of the heart
Began to slowly heal
by each small individual part

I found myself grow stronger
With each month that passed by
And I could depend more upon myself
Not to wither or cry

Now you are back
You say you still love me
Your heart too has been broken
That is clear to see

I'm not sure what to do
Should I go back to old ways?
Go back to your lies
Those unhappy days?

But maybe I should
Give a second chance
A change in heart
A smile, a dance

Because you were there
Through my ups and my downs
And still accepted me
As I looked like a clown

So I will try
Just make sure you be gentle
My hearts been broken once already
It is very fragile

Who is this "right girl" he speaks of so sweetly?
The girl that he dreams of ever so deeply.
What does she look like, what does she wear?
Do her eyes shine beautifully?
Does she have perfectly woven hair?
What is it about her that catches his eye?
And when without her, he feels he ought to cry?
How should I look, and what should I do,
To make sure that I am this "right girl" for you?

He's fairly tall.
He's quite a distance above my head.
He likes to smile.
He tells jokes to keep people smiling with him.
He's has a wit about him.
His mouth is filled with clever words and confident tones.
He's sophisticated.
He seems to know everything the teacher is about to say.
He looked at me yesterday.
He reflected the sunlight off his watch and into my gaze.
When I met his eyes he smiled.
And I felt myself smile in turn.