Alone
Darkness surrounds
Silence enfolds
Torrents of pain course through
Each breath weaker, weaker
Heart gripped in iron
Frozen solid
Alone

how do you let go of part of your soul?
who you are and have been, forever…
the need, the want, the hope, the sorrow
all rolled into one persistent action.
surging into burning buildings to save the lost,
only ever has two outcomes:
either, by God’s grace, we’re both saved
or we’re destroyed in a fiery inferno.
what purpose have i, if not to save those
whose torment i know, oh so well?
how can i see those i love suffer so
without doing what i can to save them?
can i turn up my nose to a brother in need?
am i really so conceited to think
that my life is worth more than risking to save
those caught in their own sin and despair?
i am less than myself if i could ever do so,
yet, i am not whole even now…

God, I cry out to you, throughout the day
and also the long, lonely nights
I beg you to fill me with love and grace
to ease the sorrow of my heart.
Is this some test I must endure
until I have breathed my last?
Will it ever end? Oh, God, please tell me
that I will not wander forever in the dark!

I will learn and grow,
I will change and bend,
Till my will is naught but Yours.
On this night, cold and still,
Sorrow has become a friend.

A couple kissing on a moonlit beach,
     bathed in the soft dim glow
The smell of the sea and the sound of the waves,
     more romantic than candle light
A soft sweet touch and a gentle embrace
     seal a lasting love
Yet time is short and soon they must part,
     for how long neither knows
Only hope, faith, trust,
     can ensure their love will survive
Yet fate is cruel and both are world-wise,
     knowing the odds against them
So savor they will these precious moments,
     cast forever in diamond coated memories

Bitter tears of anguish flow
Far from the eyes that shed
I long for your touch
Yet can’t embrace
The absence
That you
Left

heart breaks
again
and again
mustn't give in
to the urge to fall
into the darkness
calling my name
urging me to turn inward
to drown in sorrowful
self-pitying depression

hope blossoms once again
in a desert bereft for so long
the ache of dust-filled emptiness
is assuaged by healing rain
a kiss from your lips showers me
the light in your eyes brings life
you tell me time and again
that there can be a future for us
I often struggle with what I lack
incompetent to give what you deserve
you ask nothing, yet wholly trust
when I've given no reason at all
it is exactly this trust which wakes me anew
from a long-lived, lifeless slumber
New growth springs forth as I strive to be
the woman you behold in me

we've seen pain and sorrow beyond compare
yet we've known both bliss and peace
through the long roads ahead I know there'll be more
of beauty mingled with scars
but, truly my love, so long as you're there
I'll take each one in stride
I may not always glow with happiness and hope
but I will certainly give it my all
because to hold you close and walk with you
through all life's mysteries and labyrinths
is all I've dreamed of, all I've wanted
since dreams were mine to conjure
I am with you today, yours tomorrow,
and beside you as long as you'll have me
though distance may separate my hand from yours
my heart will always be yours

I wish you knew what you did to me every time we part.
I love when we’re together, just you and I as one;
When I’m the focus of your eyes, if not your heart.
But when others join us, invisible I become;
Nothing more than a member of your adoring audience.
Then, when you depart with hardly a word of farewell,
Desperation is all I am left with.

Every earthy refuge is gone
All safe havens are lost
There is no comfort
There are no warm arms to hold you
There is no one to share your suffering
You are truly alone

Every dream you have had has failed
Every hope crashes to the ground
Even the things you thought were immobile
Have been swept away by a stream of sorrow
You cannot fall further
You cannot be more broken

God is here
Oh God is here
He loves you
Oh how he loves you
Give your heart to Him
He will save you when all is lost
He will gather your brokenness and make you new
But never forget, He is the only truth

Things will get better, they always do
But you must always remember
That the earth shall pass away
Even beneath our feet it crumbles
Leaving us in darkness once more
So trust none but the Lord with your heart

When the sun shines brightly
On your upturned face
Give glory to God
Serve Him faithfully
And never forget
That destitution is all the world offers

God is here
Oh God is here
He loves you
Oh how he loves you
Give your heart to Him
He will save you when all is lost
He will gather your brokenness and make you new
Never forget, He is the only truth

How wistfully I recall times since past
When sun shone so brightly upon my face
Oh how gaily we ran! so free and fast
Weaving memories, intricate as lace

We skipped through the waves splashing all about
Swimming with dolphins and all of their kin
We played all day long without care or doubt
Never once believing it’d ever end

Now shadows close in, the world grows cold
Friendships which flourished now slowly shall die
No longer lighting my life with their gold
Leaving my spirit in ruins to lie

‘Till my final breath I shall always wish
That I’d stayed in that place, bathing in bliss

I want a fairytale love
A knight in shining armor
Riding a majestic white steed
Noble and handsome
Strong and true
One others look up to
And model themselves to
A man of courage
Willing to stand for what’s right
Who will fight for what he loves
And never give up
I want a fairytale love

I want a love worth dying for
Something so strong and so sure
That death would be preferred
To reaching its end
I want a love worth dying for

I want someone to love me
To love me for who I really am
To devote to me his life and his means
Every second of the day
Every thought in his head
I want to be the center of his universe
To bring light to his world
I want him to be willing
To lay down his life
Without question or doubt
Because, to him, I am worth it
I want someone to love me

I want so much more
Than a fairytale love
I want someone who’ll be there
Through the good and the bad
Who will kiss me fiercely when angry
Softly, when sad
Passionately, when in love
Who will hold me tightly
No matter what
Who will always follow me
When I run
Who will love me
Always
I want so much more
Than a fairytale love

Beneath a layer of crystal water I see your face
I delicately chip away at the sheet of ice that separates
Trying to feel my way to you
Our friendship is perfect: pure, sweet
And I wouldn’t ruin that for the world
But in my dreams I hold you close
And the barrier between us has melted away
Together we create indescribable beauty
And could face any horde of darkness
With naught but one another, hand in hand
Yet I hesitate to convey my hope
That we could become something more
For one false move and the ice may crack
Showering us both in sharp stabbing shards
So for the moment, I wait
Silently watching you for any sign of warmth
That might save me from my prison of ice


*Note:  Pretty rough first draft.  I'm hoping for suggestions on improvement. Thanks!

words resound hollowly
naught but shells of meaning
whole but only in appearance
a feather-weight mat
covering a fathomless pit
empty cold and dark

If you ever came back to me
I'd throw my arms around you
I'd hold you and I'd kiss you
Telling you how much I'd missed you

If you ever came back to me
I'd run my fingers through your hair
Across your face and down your neck
Like I've dreamed of doing since you left

If you ever came back to me
I would drink the beauty in your eyes
The brightness of your soul
Shining so brightly, never fading

If you ever came back to me
I don't think I would ever let you go
My arms, my hands, my body
Feel so empty without you there

If you ever came back to me
I would forgive you for all you did
For all the hurt, the pain you caused
When you left me all alone

If you ever came back to me
I would love you every second
Hold you tightly, kiss you softly
Until I woke from sleep

Can I express all you mean to me?  
That your pure, simple devotion
Is all that’s left holding me in this world?  
How can mere words describe
How intrinsically I need you?  
Yet we've been here before.  
We know that it will never work.  
But I can’t let you go; I can’t move on.  
How long can we remain in limbo
Between what we need and what is best?  
Surely we will fall, sooner or later.  
We’ll either fall together or fall apart.  
And either would mean the end of me…

Keep flying, little leaf!
Don’t stop here!
Soar on to new heights!
Go places I’ll never see.
Glide on wings
Granted by Fall’s whirling wind.
Never pause!
Even for an instant;
For in that instant,
Of taking one quick breath,
Your wings will be torn from you;
Shredded and defiled
‘Till nothing is left,
But one sad memory
Of a glorious flight,
That could have lasted
Forever.

I am inexplicably drawn to this man,
     who lays before me sleeping.
His every thought I long to know,
     his troubled face to caress.
Yet his heart is strangely closed to me,
     by friend or foe I know not.  
Why does this feeling remain
     after everything we’ve been through?
After all the hurt, the pain, the tears,
     I still love this one.
Is this God’s divine hand,
     revealing my destiny to me?
Or is it satan’s devilish scheme,
     to draw me from my Lord?
One thing I know, and one alone:
     for now my time I must bide.
For to reveal the truth within my heart
     would surely bring ruin down.

Take me in your arms
Hold me tight
But now and then
Give me room for flight
Love me absolutely
Unconditionally
But do not smother me
Submissionally
Teach me everything
You know
But don’t drag me down
In the undertow
Sing love songs
For me alone
But don’t let my voice
Remain unknown
Stand beside me
Proud and tall
And hold my hand
In front of all

Excitement pulses through my veins
Akin to lightning flashing in the clouds
Energy radiates, power is evident
As hairs stand on end and skin tingles softly
The storm is building in all its majesty
Reaching towards a tremendous crescendo
Of proportions never seen before
Thunder roars, echoes and fades
To be more than matched by the next deep roll
Suddenly the sky breaks loose
Flashing, roaring, trembling even
Shredding the heavens in ribbons of light
Mingling distinctly with those of darkness
Such phenomenal power displayed with such grace
Like a dance of the gods in all their terror
Majestically soaring around and around
Yet in an instant they could deal out death
Suddenly silence
The night closes in and the vibrations cease
Yet the skin still and will always remember
The terror, the awe of that moment in time

No one on earth
Could ever replace
The one I’ve known since birth

His loving arms
Held me close
Through sickness, sorrow, and mirth

In leaving home,
And all I’ve known
I left part of me behind

I had no one
To laugh with and love
No one whose thoughts were like mine

So here was I,
A stranger in
A land stranger by far

Yet there was one
Who took my hand
And led me as a star

Lost, alone,
And scared was I
But you were brave and true

You led me back
To the straight and narrow
And I was made anew

You gave me hope
That even in darkness
The heavens were filled with light

I learned so many
Wondrous things
That my heart again took flight.

You showed me how
To keep on trying,
And to never forget to give

And when I was hurt
You dried my tears
And taught me to forgive.

I know that I
Could never begin
To replace your only son

But a father
You have become to me
Through fires, shadows, and sun

I love you as
A daughter aught
And ask God’s blessing upon you

But I cannot help
Feeling that
A part of me leaves too

I will never…
Ever forget you
Though I live a hundred years

And I’m not ashamed
At all to say
That you’re leaving shall bring tears

What do you do on the nights when you’re alone?
When glacial emptiness suffocates?
Where do you turn when no one is left,
To temporarily assuage the chill?

Do you call out to a God high above?
Enthroned on a jeweled throne of gold?
Do you plead at the knees of a Ruler so distant,
That your pleas can barely be heard?

Where do you go when the familiar only reminds
Of a jaded past, of pleasurable crime?
The memories crowd in till the present is gone,
And you’re lost in a swirl of both shame and bliss.

Do you curse the One you knew long ago,
At Whom, with child-like wonder you stared?
For abandoning you in this time of need,
Or for never really being there?

Why do you search for the answer to all
In a bottle, a lover, pain or a pill?
When you know that it will never be found,
In something so shallow, so human?

Yet neither does that answer so deep
Lie with a King far away.
It lies with a man who died to save
And lives within us today.

Look deep inside and whisper His Name
Soon you will discover what’s there,
That He is with you, He walks beside you
Every step of the way.

He is the friend we all long to have
Yet rarely acknowledge is there
But His love is so deep, so strong, so true
That He will never abandon you.

Turn not to cheap decadences,
For they surely shall fade.
Turn to the God of love and of light
Who will save if you call on His Name.

Shattered in pieces all across the floor
A battered soul hurt one time too much.
A silky black mire of hopelessness
Slinks in softly, as fog in the night.
Lurking in shadows, approaching swiftly
The first touch is gentle, caressing even
Collecting each gleaming shard.
Then when terror seizes hold, it strikes
Consuming like the fires of hell.
The crystals of soul, once filled with light
Are absorbed in viscous despair.
As the mass surges onward, roil by roil
What remains of the spirit slowly dissolves
Until smooth as melted glass.
Slithering onward it seeks out the lost
To bring them their final end.

Sing to me
I wish to hear your music
Your thoughts poured out
In a melodious river of song
Intricately designed with complexities
Too deep for the mind to fathom
Yet the heart listens and knows
For that is what music is
Delicate, instantaneous
communication
Between two hearts
Beating
As one

my heart’s Stitched together
with strings of song
you took your Time mending it piece by piece
with gentle, soothing mElodies

i never thought it’d be whole again,
yet you proved me wrong
you showed me anything at all can happen
if you just believe

you’ve given me hoPe
for a brigHter future
and you taught me to love
once more

thank you for being there,
my wonderful friend
you’ve won me over,
hEart and soul

so if you’ll accept it,
i’ll give you my love
and will be yours
until music is heard No more

Temptation gnaws at my soul
It worms its way through my defenses
Confusing my senses, bamboozling my thoughts
Until up is down and right is wrong
But worst of all…
Wrong has become right

Somewhere inside a voice is screaming
Telling me to turn back before it’s too late
But a stronger, more seductive voice
Whispers, “It’s too late”

My self-loathing and hatred
Is matched only by a longing
For that which I cannot…
Should not…
Have

The voice feeds on my hatred
Assuring me that it isn’t wrong
Yet also reminding me
That I couldn’t make it any worse
I cannot hate myself more
Even should I choose the path of darkness

But it is a path I must not follow
For it only leads to misery and pain
I have been there before
Many times before
And while pleasure is found
It is temporary
The suffering it brings lasts forever

God give me strength to resist my curse
To turn my back on myself,
My desires, my needs
To plunge my heart into Your word
To wash my soul in Your cleansing flow
To let You guide me, as a little lamb
To live my life solely for You
Give me the strength to banish the snake
Whispering silky words to my heart
Help me to overcome my weakness
To utterly reject my temptation

I long for the warmth of your touch in the cool of the night,
The whisper of your voice in darkness so silent,
The sweetness of your kiss in a tasteless oblivion,
The rationality of your thoughts in a whirling insanity,
Your childlike play in a world of solemnity,
The safety of your arms in a wind tossed sea,
The purity of your faith in a lost humanity,
I long for nothing but you, my love.

There is nothing left for me here but barren waste land.
What once was green and fruitful is now empty save for the wail of the winds
Howling their longing for the joys they shall know no more.
Gone are the days of bright rivers cascading along their way,
Of birds chirping merrily in the trees,
Of pure happiness bubbling like a fountain from within.
All that remains is the dust of my ashes, blowing in the wind.