If you ever came back to me
I'd throw my arms around you
I'd hold you and I'd kiss you
Telling you how much I'd missed you

If you ever came back to me
I'd run my fingers through your hair
Across your face and down your neck
Like I've dreamed of doing since you left

If you ever came back to me
I would drink the beauty in your eyes
The brightness of your soul
Shining so brightly, never fading

If you ever came back to me
I don't think I would ever let you go
My arms, my hands, my body
Feel so empty without you there

If you ever came back to me
I would forgive you for all you did
For all the hurt, the pain you caused
When you left me all alone

If you ever came back to me
I would love you every second
Hold you tightly, kiss you softly
Until I woke from sleep

hope blossoms once again
in a desert bereft for so long
the ache of dust-filled emptiness
is assuaged by healing rain
a kiss from your lips showers me
the light in your eyes brings life
you tell me time and again
that there can be a future for us
I often struggle with what I lack
incompetent to give what you deserve
you ask nothing, yet wholly trust
when I've given no reason at all
it is exactly this trust which wakes me anew
from a long-lived, lifeless slumber
New growth springs forth as I strive to be
the woman you behold in me

we've seen pain and sorrow beyond compare
yet we've known both bliss and peace
through the long roads ahead I know there'll be more
of beauty mingled with scars
but, truly my love, so long as you're there
I'll take each one in stride
I may not always glow with happiness and hope
but I will certainly give it my all
because to hold you close and walk with you
through all life's mysteries and labyrinths
is all I've dreamed of, all I've wanted
since dreams were mine to conjure
I am with you today, yours tomorrow,
and beside you as long as you'll have me
though distance may separate my hand from yours
my heart will always be yours

how do you let go of part of your soul?
who you are and have been, forever…
the need, the want, the hope, the sorrow
all rolled into one persistent action.
surging into burning buildings to save the lost,
only ever has two outcomes:
either, by God’s grace, we’re both saved
or we’re destroyed in a fiery inferno.
what purpose have i, if not to save those
whose torment i know, oh so well?
how can i see those i love suffer so
without doing what i can to save them?
can i turn up my nose to a brother in need?
am i really so conceited to think
that my life is worth more than risking to save
those caught in their own sin and despair?
i am less than myself if i could ever do so,
yet, i am not whole even now…

God, I cry out to you, throughout the day
and also the long, lonely nights
I beg you to fill me with love and grace
to ease the sorrow of my heart.
Is this some test I must endure
until I have breathed my last?
Will it ever end? Oh, God, please tell me
that I will not wander forever in the dark!

I will learn and grow,
I will change and bend,
Till my will is naught but Yours.
On this night, cold and still,
Sorrow has become a friend.

Shattered in pieces all across the floor
A battered soul hurt one time too much.
A silky black mire of hopelessness
Slinks in softly, as fog in the night.
Lurking in shadows, approaching swiftly
The first touch is gentle, caressing even
Collecting each gleaming shard.
Then when terror seizes hold, it strikes
Consuming like the fires of hell.
The crystals of soul, once filled with light
Are absorbed in viscous despair.
As the mass surges onward, roil by roil
What remains of the spirit slowly dissolves
Until smooth as melted glass.
Slithering onward it seeks out the lost
To bring them their final end.

Can I express all you mean to me?  
That your pure, simple devotion
Is all that’s left holding me in this world?  
How can mere words describe
How intrinsically I need you?  
Yet we've been here before.  
We know that it will never work.  
But I can’t let you go; I can’t move on.  
How long can we remain in limbo
Between what we need and what is best?  
Surely we will fall, sooner or later.  
We’ll either fall together or fall apart.  
And either would mean the end of me…

What do you do on the nights when you’re alone?
When glacial emptiness suffocates?
Where do you turn when no one is left,
To temporarily assuage the chill?

Do you call out to a God high above?
Enthroned on a jeweled throne of gold?
Do you plead at the knees of a Ruler so distant,
That your pleas can barely be heard?

Where do you go when the familiar only reminds
Of a jaded past, of pleasurable crime?
The memories crowd in till the present is gone,
And you’re lost in a swirl of both shame and bliss.

Do you curse the One you knew long ago,
At Whom, with child-like wonder you stared?
For abandoning you in this time of need,
Or for never really being there?

Why do you search for the answer to all
In a bottle, a lover, pain or a pill?
When you know that it will never be found,
In something so shallow, so human?

Yet neither does that answer so deep
Lie with a King far away.
It lies with a man who died to save
And lives within us today.

Look deep inside and whisper His Name
Soon you will discover what’s there,
That He is with you, He walks beside you
Every step of the way.

He is the friend we all long to have
Yet rarely acknowledge is there
But His love is so deep, so strong, so true
That He will never abandon you.

Turn not to cheap decadences,
For they surely shall fade.
Turn to the God of love and of light
Who will save if you call on His Name.

heart breaks
again
and again
mustn't give in
to the urge to fall
into the darkness
calling my name
urging me to turn inward
to drown in sorrowful
self-pitying depression