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Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
Sometimes I find myself remembering things that I know were meant to be erased from my mind.
        Reason;
            -The pain they cause is more than mental.

I still wear that bracelet you gave me when I was six on my left wrist. I never take it off.
        Reason;
            -It helps me to realize the mess you left behind wasn't your fault.

My hand still shakes every time I see pictures of you.
        Reason;
            -I long to reach out and touch it but fear the disappointment of glass beneath my fingertips.

When I wake up in the morning I find tears still wet on my face.
        Reason;
            -Even sleep isn't an escape anymore.

I miss those see-through stockings you used to buy me at Christmas-time with the candy in them.
        Reason;
            -They were always the one good thing to look forward to.

The boy bike you bought me to learn how to ride on is still in the garage. I threw away the training wheels, though.
        Reason;
            -Training is for people who don't know how to do something. I already know how to lose.
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
Fleating words shoot through your mind, teasing you.
You race to find paper and pen but you can't find your fingers.
          (And you can't find Arizona on the map)
As your mind slowly forgets the beauty of those words.
          (You remember that Arizona is a figment of your imagination)
And he was there when it became one.
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
this room looks familiar to my untrained eyes but it's just its facade. it's really just some random room that was specifically designed to torment me into insanity. guess what? it didn't work

as i watch the television i realize that i'm seeing us in the fictional characters of greys anatomy and i'm yelling "*****" at mcdreamy while you go and spend the night with addison and alex realizes that his baby is a fictional person in the fictional world that is his own and i suppose i'm the meredith. isn't it twisted?

i wrote a monologue that held words of beauty (beauty) but burnt it and wrote a new one. beauty never really described you well. things like *** and alcohol and stale bread always come to mind when i think of you. (the only reason you're still alive in my head is because you won't let go)

it's not me anymore. it's paperclips and blue buttons and borrowed things that are never returned. it's a telephone that doesn't call out and it's lonely with someone else and it's you

do you get it now? *no
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
he's the one that knows everything that is you and he is like half [sunny]days spent inside because he burned easily and you didn't like the feel of the medicine between your fingers when you rubbed it on his skin.

You are tired and shaky as you lie next to him on a bed filled with [half]forgotten ghosts and almost[remembered] stories about when he used to want to stay up late like little kids and just [talk]

He is a deformity forgotten because it doesn't [really] matter that he can't hold you the way you want him to after a long day spent taking care of him. {it doesn't really matter} but it does.

You are almost done with all of this and you wish you could give up, but obligation won't let you leave him all [alone] with himself because you know it scares him more than anything to be without someone.

He is {never knowing what he is} thinking when you stare at him from across the room because he refuses to talk about what is really bothering him and that [bothersyou] but you don't know why. {Because he's supposed to trust you with his weaknesses}
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
you are {short}term memory loss and i am alzheimers and we fit together like broken(glass)

you are homeless and i am full(ofhope) without an inspirational outlet so i'm going (sortof)crazy without you here

you are an almost forgotten past with alcoholic breath and i am starknaked bodies scattered all over

i stumble accidentally into chaos and you follow and i find myself saying, "that's your problem" but it's really mine.
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
he's a bright sunday morning
full of hope and faith and praise
for the one you worship right
then while he sits right next
to you, your knees almosttouching
and your hand{s} lying palm-up in
case the other feels the need to
hold it.

he's fried chicken after church
with baked beans and a side of tradition
in a sharpblacksuit that looks
dashing on his slim figure but you
don't say it because you're afraid
of yourself.

he's sitting on the porch swing
next to you while you debate the
intelligence in asking him to take a
walk through the meadow across the way.

he's a bouquet of lavender with small
sprigs of babies breath that he says
remind him of you, though you can't
imagine why. "they're different, but still
beautiful." it's almost "iloveyou", but
not quite.

he's in love, but not with you
"you're my best friend," he says, smiling.
and your fairytale falls down
around you in beautiful shards of *nonsensicalnonsense^
Kaycee Hurt Nov 2011
seconds1-3

                   i want to take your hand and
                   lace it through my hair without
                   permission and gauge your response
                   to see if you secretly like it but
                   are afraid to admit it.

---

seconds4-7
                
                   i want to whisper in your
                   ear and tell you that you're
                   {
uglybeautifulterrifying}
                   and that i *hatelovewant
you
                   more than i want to breathe or move or
                   (live)

---

seconds8-12

                   i want to swim through you without
                   the fear that i might {hurt****love}
                   you and forget what all of this was
                   about in the first place.

---

seconds13-17

                   i want to remember that i don't
                   love you even though that's a lie that
                   i tell myself every [secondminutehour]
                   to make sure i'm following the rules.
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