MY FIRST & LAST LOVE LETTER

This I declare as my first & last love letter
Dedicated to the woman who looked at me and thought that I was better
In a sea of many men with fragile hearts and broken dreams
She chose to mend mine
In the process of putting the pieces together, she used herself as the glue & now
She is permanently a part of my new Picasso image of refined love.
A kind heart that lacks not a kind word in moments when emotions overflow
Poetry makes it easy for me to express these emotions
'Cause if I was an ordinary man I would have died in silence & left her seeking solace
Jesus would have to come back & perform all his miracles in order to reach out to her heart & resurrect my soul.
Enough about the riddle talk now let's go back to the love notes that make up this melody in my heart
The woman with a smile that brings out the life in my soul
She, the woman who invades my thoughts more than a germ invades a surface.
I find myself humming love tunes & writing love poems at the thought of you
Hoping to spend all my desired forevers with you
If only this was to be true
We all know that life has no guarantees
So I have prepared & cleaned up a small room for disappointment because of you
'Cause this love thing we have going seems too good to be true
Call me a sceptic but I've come to believe that your presence in my system is therapeutically septic
You have injected me with life but you still remain the potential cause of my fate
Explains why every time after I ****** in your presence at the dear end I end up in a faint
Totally disconnected from existence
A wonderfully dreadful experience
A once in a lifetime moment that resulted in me writing you this love poem
Which I have declared as the first & last love letter because I believe that you deserve better...   (to be continued)

Jump over a blazing fire for me
And I will walk on its ashes for you
Tattoo my name on your heart
And I will surrender me soul to you
Declare your love for me in front of a crowd of 7 billion souls
And I will verify my love for you in front of God  and family on the altar while making you thee Queen of this castle I'm still trying to build
Cut my skin so deep with your words of encouragement and support
And I will dig the ground so deep to find the perfect diamond for you and trust me when I say
You will be so proud of me because I will dig until my nails bleed
I will nurture you like a growing seed
I will love you till you can't compare my love with anything else on earth because what I'll be giving you is nothing but celestial
I will grow old and act young with you
I will plant a garden of roses and tulips and carnations for you so you can remember that our love is like a flower garden
It can only look beautiful if only it is taken care of
It can only blossom and grow only when it nurtured and watered every morning and evening
Time will pass but we will share endless moments that will be carried over to our grandkids and their grankids
'Cause you and I will define a new love that the human race has never explored
A love based on everything divine and spiritual
A union of two celestial forces united as one
A marriage of two minds that compares none
Shakespeare's lines will never be the same again
Even those who quote them will never feel the same again
For they will have realized that in a lifetime that is defined by chaos and unrest
True love was experienced by one of their own and for the first time they didn't rush to get undressed
They copulated mentally and spiritually instead
And impregnated each other with beautiful imagery of their desired future together (To be continued)

I Seldom express my emotions and
I wrote this for the Ngudu's to marvel and
For paps's and mama's heart to console  

Though words describe, portray
And say a lot about a person
You are not just any person
Through the 18 years of loud mouth cursing
The raucous in the early morning
Shady and unpredictable plots
Being mischievous and devious
Being revengeful then forgetful
Disapprovals leading to arguments
The cause of the damaged Stellenbosch walls
Were the ceaseless and reneged brawls

Through the 18 years of living
I feel like I have failed
Failed to sum up the words that match you
Having them convey and having people understand you
But I feel the words do not get you
Like a lot of people that do not get you
If you knew him the way I do
The marvel of being a Ngudu
The marvel of knowing him like I do

Lightened my shoulders
You lightened my darkness
I love you very much like Maya Angelou loves her brother Bailey

Not only is he the Head Boy
The light skinned of the family
Nor the pretty boy of the family by default
He is a Master before kings
The doctors verified it on the birth certificate before Qamani
Rightfully on his high horse being all high and mighty
He is my inspiration
He is my motivation  
The very reason behind my episodes of satisfaction
He is the Kid to the Son
He is Qamani Kideo Ngudu
My twin brother

Loving her was perfectly easy from the onset
Images of us kissing and laughing while catching a beautiful sunset were prominent from the day our relationship started
Days and weeks went by and the taste of her lips on mine vibrantly lasted
The smell of her cologne and the sound her voice serenaded me to bed every night and gave me a purpose to wake in the mornings
Stupidy kicked in when I started to go gaga over the useless things on her body like her eyebrows and fingernails (my god!)
It was at that moment when I realised that if this is not witchcraft then it is love
So I chose to believe the latter because I learnt early in life that love is a more powerful conqueror than any other force humanly possible
I loved her too much to not have her by my side
So I did everything humanly possible to make us solid and feasible
I made love to her passionately and made her laugh uncontrollably
I held her hand in public and licked her skins in private
All in pursuit of making her realise that true love exists and I am that love
But trying too hard also ***** sometimes 'cause you can lose everything without realizing that you never even had it from the word start
Believing in an illusion is like stabbing yourself with a knife on the same spot four hundred times and thinking the skin will remain intact
You become lost and very ignorant of the facts
Thus you continue to drown yourself in your feeble attempts
Losing sight of what matters and instead of taking matters into your own hands
You take things out of context and jump into unnecessary conclusions
You see, when your heart finally meets a heart that does not just compliment its beat but strengthens it
the mind becomes weak and ***** up that harmony
I met a beautiful soul who made me believe that love at first sight was not just a saying but a possibility
A beautiful soul who made me understand a woman's heart by just looking into her eyes and listening to her voice
A beautiful soul who knew how to open up my heart by just kissing my lips and telling me words like, words like, words like ...
Words that even I as a poet find it difficult to convey
I will admit
I only wrote love poems because I was a poet who was gifted in the art of pen but when it comes to the matters of the heart
She made me realize that she was poetry in a world that was still learning the alphabet
She was the light in a world that was comfortable with darkness
She was happiness in a world that had lost all hope and was bathing in confusion
She brought life into my dark world that was defined by death and made me woke again
Because of her I walk paths I thought I'd never walk again and
I speak words I never thought I'd speak again,
With meaning, purpose and confidence
I love her and
My love for her is yet to be defined ...