Usually
The hardest things to realize are the things you already know
Mask on, eyes covered, perception altered
Only concerned about the right here and the right now
And once you get your wake-up call, it’s never soon enough
So you call the front desk
And you yell
And scream
And cry
And yell
Cursing more than a drunken sailor
Earning more soap sponsored mouth washes than your mother could bear
And as soon as you hang up that phone
You realize it’s no one’s fault but your own

Well you know how they say
It’s better late than never
So I’ll sit outside your doorstep
And wait
And wait
And wait until forever

I would say that I want to be with you forever
But forever wouldn’t nearly be long enough

If only you knew how I feel inside
How hopeless and obedient I am to my thoughts
The dark and twisted fallacies that engulf all reason
Until fatal treason against myself is unleashed
And the cold, black rivers that run within my soul
Flow from the  sharp, frosted peaks of my brain,
Down through the forest of insecurity and insanity,
Avoiding my heart like it was the plague,
Around the city of fear,
Past the valley of tears,
And out of my mouth like bullets from a gun....

And just like that, I have shot you down
But that gun should have been pointed at me
And now you're gone, you're victim to a coma
The vicious possibility that you may never return
Haunts me relentlessly, like a nightmare that never ends

I'm going to try to save you
But you can only be saved if you want to..

If only you knew what I feel inside
If only you knew how much I wish I could rewind time
If only you knew that I need you to come to..

If only you knew
If only you knew
If only you knew..


1/24/11

Every detail of your existence
Has been seared into my brain
As if directly from a cattle ****

Memories so bright
They are blinding
Even to those born with no sight

Wherever I go, you come with me

I'm awokenby the near-deafening sound
of the lighthouse fog horn,
as if the sun sent me a wake-up call
so that I could rise with it simultaneously.
Through my open window
the fresh salt air
is pushed into my nose and lungs
by the winds from the breath of the ocean.
I hear what sounds like a low murmur of pre-movie theater chatter of seagull caws
outside my window.
I look out over the water
and see the waves of high tide crashing against the jetty.
As the perfectly blended colors of the sunrise flood my vision,
I smile because I know that I am home.

I can see your smile
Even when you are not around
Your laugh haunts my dreams
But I'd prefer to call them nightmares

Hollow but hurting
You can see right through her
As she walks around more lifeless than a corpse
Her once bright smile and the twinkle in her eyes
Are nothing but memories of how she once was
Her slightly tanned skin now houses many scars
That serve as a reminder of her biggest mistakes
She walks with her head down
Unable to look the world in the face
While everyone around her
Turns and whispers to each other,
“There goes the girl who once had a soul.”

He crosses the street
But never takes the corner of his eye
Off of you
As if you would actually let
Your foot off the brake

This Civil War
Our nation is now fighting
Is different
Than the last

The sign in the convenience store window
Warns of shoplifters being shot
And survivors.. They'll be shot once more

The store clerk follows you
Discreetly, so he thinks
Almost begging for you
To use  your five finger discount

This Civil War
Our nation is now fighting
Is different
Than the last

Money-hungry moguls
Only widening the gap
The vagabond with ripped pants
The newlyweds who work so much
To have so little

The capitalist kings
Poisoning the peasants
Anything for an extra buck
Anything

As the rich get richer....

This Civil War
Our nation is now fighting
Is different
Than the last

A real-life game
Of cops and robbers
Has gone way too far

Guilty
Not guilty
He said
She said

Armies forming
Head to head
Parting
Like the Red Sea

This Civil War
Our nation is now fighting
Is different
Than the last

The smoke from your lips rises as if it wants to reach the stars
But is abruptly denied by the roof of the porch.
The pattern of raindrops
Is playing a song that only your ears recognize.
You stare into the kitchen but no longer see it as it is
But instead as what it once was.
Nothing seems as good as how it used to be.
It's raining harder now and you just want to lay on the grass
Hoping that one day you will bloom as beautifully as the lilacs you are under.
You close your eyes and suddenly she appears
The beautiful bohemian in the long, flowing skirt
With hair that the sun has kissed so lovingly.
She smiles and suddenly you are running through daisies
Laughing and living without a care.
Everything is wonderful.
Your endorphins start to kick in as you're chased amongst the flowers
You think to yourself, you could do this forever
But would you really want to?
It fades to black and despite all your pleas
The woman, she doesn't return
Rather you are left with raindrops dancing on your eyelids
And an ever-so-faint whisper in your ear
That you are never alone.