It's been a bad day
I'm trying
To suppress my urges
I want
To go to the art room
Find myself a knife
And start cutting
Myself

It's been a bad day
I want to get away
But I think
That no matter how far
I'll run
I'll never get
Far enough

It's been a bad day
Life's not
Worth living today

It's been a bad day
Hopefully
Tomorrow
Will get better

There is no way
I could cry
Or smile, happily
For that matter
I'm numb

I choose
Not to feel
To take the pain
Away

And therefore
I am not sure
How to answer
If I'm doing good
or ill

My head is numb
They all end
One at a time

I take another one
Why not?
My head is already numb
But it’ll wear off
Soon
Too soon

I’m sitting in the street
Every once in a while
Someone
Walks by

I’m burning
A picture of you
Trying
To get it flaming
Impossible

It’s drizzling
A wind is blowing
The matches won’t lit the paper
The picture
Of you

I sigh
The box
Is almost empty
I won’t waste
The last ones
On your picture

I light
Another cigarette
It makes my head
Comfortably numb
Once again

I fell into an ocean
So I swam
I swam for days and nights
For months and years
Until my arms gave up
In the middle of that everlasting ocean
I fell, sank, into the abyss
Further and further down
Wondering what would become of me
Until suddenly I hit rock bottom
Down there in the darkness
I was unable to move
And I was so, so tired
Remembering my old reality
It seemed so beautiful, and so strange
And most of all, so far away
Now I live in a bottomless hole
I’m all alone down here
I’m trapped
In my own prison
My own hell

Sometimes
When I remember my dreams
I dream horrible nightmares
In which
I'm surprisingly calm

Usually
I get shot in the back
***** by a friend
Cut into pieces
And thrown
In the trash

I've been
Running
Hiding
From unknown threats
Dreams that usually end
With my own death

I've been
A ****** accomplice
To someone
I've never even met
Decapitating women
And washing their heads

It so hard to grasp
And I don't know how to tell you
But all these dreams
In which I'm dying
Are the ones
That I prefer

I’ve lost it
There is no point
Anymore
Help me
Save me
From myself

Neither in heaven
Nor in hell
There are people to tell
About the things
That does not make sense
Here on earth

You see
Neither in heaven
Nor in hell
Anyone cares
About the questions
That needs to be answered
Down here

Because in heaven
Things are too good
And in hell
There are worse things
To worry about

But I’d still like to know
What’s the point of it all?
And if
Either one will exist
When it’s my turn to go

In truth
None of us are really insane
We´re just lost souls
On our way through hell

Some days
I wish I could go into space
And never have to look down

In space
My biggest problems
Would look seem tiny

And no one would be able to force me
To become anything

Because I wouldn't be able
To hear anyone
Of all you people
Wanting me to become
Someone
Anyone

In space
I wouldn't have to know
What to do
With the rest of my life

Because in space
I would have no life
I would be dead

I don't know what to do
My future isn't clear
My life is flying by
And I'm not sure I care

I'm sitting in a chair
A piece of paper, and a pen
Words are pouring out
Poems about life

I'm watching the world
I see it turn around
And I sit idly by
I let it turn its way

I write poems about love
The way it makes me feel
The days when I am happy
And the days when I am sad

I don't know what to do
My future isn't clear
My life is flying by
And I'm not sure I care

Let the sun shine
On those who cannot see the river
In the valley of your mind
I only see the mist
Of our delusion
I know
That in the essence of reality
There is no reason to cry
Or to smile
The great numbness takes over
But there has to be a reason we exist
Either way

It's over
The love
Is just gone
There is no possibility
For a second chance
Another try

We are not
Perfect
For each other
We never were

We were just
Two individuals
Pushed together
From an early age
Until we thought
We were ment
To be

We found out that
We didn't fit
Not one bit
We never really did

Everything I ever wanted
Was someone
To crawl up towards someone
Really tight
Every night
Someone who comforts me
When I feel sad
Lonley or sick
But I've never really
Had one someone like that

When the black surrounds me
And nothing seems bright
You may be the moon on my sky
But the land in which I live
Has a million clouds
And most days
You’re nowhere in sight.

There was a girl from Penny Lane
People said the was insane
But then she died
And people cried
Things has never been the same

I’ve lost it
I’ve ******* lost it
I’ve got no control over myself
It don’t make any sense
I’ve lost touch with reality

Reality
What the **** is real?
I have no control
It’s gone

My brain
It controls me
I can’t rely on my senses
My brain makes them go away
My worst enemy
Myself
My brain
I can’t trust it
It’s taking over
What’s real around here, and what did I make up?

I’ve lost touch with reality
Everything is gone

You seem reluctant
to understand
that I can not
replace
contact with you
to contact
with someone else.
I am not lonely
because there is no one
I can talk to
but,
because I can’t talk
to you.

I'd like to run away
Leave everything behind
But what I can not leave
Is all the things I really need to lose

I'd like to run away
From the black hole
Inside my chest

I'd like to run away
Leave all those memories
In a pile behind

I'd like to run away
Forget all that's been
But I can't
Because if I ran away
I'd be compleatly alone again
And I couldn't stand that
Once again

Seagulls
Shreaking their own
Little melodies
Seagulls
A part of the harmony
On the ocean shore
Seagulls
On top of houses
And fishing boats
Seagulls
Making me know
That I'm home

Someday
When the stars start falling
And the raindrops stay up in the sky

Someday
When Judas is considered the savior
And Jesus the criminal, who used to get away

Someday
When hell freezes over
And heaven is just another evil away

Then you'll be my prince in shining armor
And I'll be your princess, waiting to be saved

But 'til that day
You can stay out of my life
And pour your lies on someone else

I miss you
Always, always do
You're never around
When I need you to
You're everything
More than you know
How can I tell you
How could you know
That after my personal winter
You are the spring
Melting the snow
Helping the flowers grow

If you just told me
That you’d stay.
Then so would I
Every night
And each day

I’d stay for you
If you let me know
That I am more
Than just
Your *****

I wish you’d run
Into my arms
Like in a movie
A play
Or a show

I wish you’d hug me
Every day
Kiss me
And tell me
It’s ok

If you wished
I’d let you stay
I’d give you my heart,
A toothbrush
And a pillow
On my bed

But if you’ll stay
I do not know
You haven’t answered
A single one
Of all my calls

My darling
My dear
Some days
When you are
Nowhere near
I’m asking myself
Why I am
Still here

Summer nights
Please come

Warm summer nights
On the beach

Summer
Please come
Let me graduate
Let me get away
From this hellhole
Let me be free

Summer nights
Please come soon
It’s cold
So cold outside
It’s so, so cold
And the snow
Hasn’t even arrived yet

Summer nights
It’s just a couple of months

Summer nights
Please come
Soon

Playing shrink
In the nuthouse game
My mind just made

Listen and agree
To all they say
About the same troubles
We all have

All of them great
But for you
They all feel so vain

What happened-
Along the way
To reality, insanity
Nothing, everything
Confusion

Sitting outside
In the freezing cold
Refusing to return inside,
To another world
Where nothing ever is better than the last

Looking for comfort in ignorant friends
Absent friends
Not existing
On the inside
In the parallel universe

Needing alcohol, drugs and cigarettes
Hugs and kisses
To forget
When there is no reason for it all
Everything can seem so strange
It might be hard to understand
Maybe you’ve never been to the parallel universe

I can’t escape
On the way
I accidently locked the door
And threw away the key

It’s safe in here
They can’t hurt me like they used to
It’s unpredictable
Your logic wouldn’t work
I can’t be responsible
For my own actions

It’s lonely
But I can see everyone
Like through a window
There you are
So close
So far away

She runs
Over the hills and far,
Far away
She runs
Always looking
She’s searching
For a promised land
Of the kind that will not ever be found
Yet she haven’t lost hope
Not quite yet
She’s hoping
It might be true
It might be real
It might, it might exist
The land from all the stories
The fairytales
Of her childhood
The ones from which
She once upon a time used to take strength
To carry on
When things were difficult
Now she runs
Hoping that one day she will find
Heaven on earth
Eden
Peace at heart
Only getting nearer
Much closer
The end of the world
She will eventually jump
Follow the flooding water
Down that endless waterfall
Wondering if the paradise
Lies at the probably absent bottom
She runs
In the back of her head
She has a tiny little voice
So kind
Telling her
She might be mislead
In the search for her vision
No more than a scratch
A tiny thought
In a dream at night
She won’t mind
She runs
Hoping she can leave
That little voice so kind
Behind
That it will stay in her past
As she leaves it to be forgotten
She runs
Always running
Away from her past
Never taking the time
To do as the little voice so kind says
To stay
To create her own
Her personal paradise
Her fairytale
No, she runs
Far, far away
She disappears
She’s gone with the wind
From all those places
Where she could have settled down
She runs
Towards the imaginary paradise
The world’s end
Disguised as the promised land of her dreams
She runs
Towards her own demise
She runs

How can the universe expand if it’s endless?
And if it does expand, it has to have an end.
So what’s at the border of the universe?

I told them
That you used to love me
Later that night
You told me
That you still do

I just
let myself go
I dropped
the control
I let
anyone
pick it up
take
control
over me

I'd do
anything
for you
for me
for anyone

You ***
You broke up
Through a text
I don't think
You could have erased
Your dignity
In a more
Efficient way

The first of so many days
Of which I stood on the shore
To the everlasting ocean
An old man came by and wished me good luck

An eternity later the same old man told me
To give it up
I stood there on the shore
Another eternity
At last I realized the man might be right
So I took a big leap
And went off to live my life

I may seem cheerful
There are still days
I need to cry
Because you are not there
And certainly not here
And I can not
Contact you
You’re busy
Today
Most days
I need, no
Rather I want to
I’d like to call you
Tell you I want you here
You won’t come over
Tomorrow, either
Nor the day after that
Then it’s my turn
To be busy
A day or two
I wish I could
I wish I was able to contact you
I wish you would answer
If I tried
But you will answer
Once you feel like it
When you have time
You know
You are aware
That I will not disappear
I love you
Too much
But if I told you
That I am writing these lines
You’d probably hate me
You’d find me pathetic
Insane
And I can’t tell you
Because you’d be
So
Extremely
Uncomfortable
That is why
It’s a secret
A treasure
That I hope
You will
Never
Find out about.