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She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
A place I hadn't thought of
Since that dreadful, horrid day
All the nightmares of my childhood
Came bursting into the waking world
And desecrated my heart
Memories of that day
Are seared into my soul
With all the malice and menace
Of a thousand angry demons
Who finally had their chance
To clutch and cling and claw
And they almost pulled me under

She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
A question weighted
With all the trauma and distrust
That solidified that day
In a physical proof we could no longer deny
And you could no longer hide
For years you went on deceiving
You lived inside your secret world
Where lies and life and pain
Got washed away inside that bottle
One you insisted had been gone
And you made us believe
You were no longer its slave

She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
A question she spoke that day as well
After you had admitted to hiding the bottle there
But you weren't hiding anymore
The lie at last caught up with you
When I walked into that ER room
And I looked into the face
Of everything I had most feared
All the evils in my life
Were reflected in your eyes
Eyes meant to love and protect me
Now hollow and burning with hate and pain
That haunt me even still

She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
And the truth was, I had
Just the smell of the car brought the memories back
I've borrowed your car and I can't help but remember
That day so clear in my mind
Trembling I glanced inside the trunk
And found it exactly the same as it was that day
A tattered notebook and some junk
And the same empty bag I pulled that bottle from
I had thrown it away with shaking hands
These hands are shaking still
Barely believing we have survived
Your journey to rock-bottom

She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
And this bag is all that remains
A proof that contradicts your insistence
That's what is past is gone
And can be discarded
Like this empty plastic bag
Yet it just won't go away
Even when I put it back
Tightly closed inside a hidden space
And I walk away
You proved to me that day
That nightmares may fade
But they never really die

She asked if I'd looked in the trunk of your car
And I could hear the tension in her voice
Strained with hurt, hope, and pain
Wrapped so tightly in her expectation of betrayal
And my own heart hardened
Even as I reached out to hers
Bitterness seeped just a little deeper in my soul
As I pushed the idea away
That she should comfort me for once
I smiled and brightly reassured her
I had looked and all was well
There was nothing in that trunk
Except a past that binds us still
i don't write
love poems.
love doesn't
make sense to me
i get tired of people
too easily.
i don't see beauty
in the curvature
of a neck
i see the muscles
of a monster
ready to flex
i don't see
a beautiful smile
i see lips
that can do too many
acrobatic
flips
i don't see soft hands
or rough calluses
i see
weapons
of mass
demands...

they are not pretty
to me.

love is a war
and not the kind about good and evil
the kind simply about
staying alive
and being whatever you have to be
to do so.
it's not about seeing
the beauty in flaws
it's about exposing them
and running away
from them
love has turned us all
into killers
who are forever out for fresh blood
forever looking
for more

...my mother always said
all is fair
in love
and
war

— The End —