Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
As humans we have a tendency to addiction. We like to rely on something, someone.

It’s hard at first. No one’s an addict on their first taste. You find a routine and you start to like it. To crave it.

Whether it’s walking outside to smoke your stoge or meeting up at midnight to make love. You can’t go on without it.

What’s interesting to me is at first you’re just faking it. Your first cigarette is awful. The first kiss might be awkward.

But in time, you find yourself searching for something at 2am.

It’s you.
Craving one more hit.
I feel your steely blue eyes staring at my sleeping body. I feel that connection we share that is other worldly. A bond. I am supposed to take care of you, to help you. One moment you’re my whole existence and then you’re gone, maybe for good. If it wasn’t for this hat I might have believed I dreamt you up. My feelings for you are clouded in this fear that you aren’t real. You aren’t a solid, your molecules don’t stick together and sometimes you just float by to make sure I’m still breathing. I can tell you care about me too, but you just want to babysit me, you aren’t infatuated by my scent, you’re there to make sure the smile on my face is genuine. It’s a different kind of feeling but maybe you’re just supposed to be that for me. I can’t help but love kissing you though, it feels so right and wrong, perhaps our souls have grown so old together that to me you are a brother, and for some ungodly reason in this life we have both broken the rules and fallen for each other. I feel like we’re out of sync, but I wanna get in a rhythm with you and feel that connection, even if it’s just one last time.
This poem is about a boy who may or may not be real.
Cotton candy skies
My sweet demise
I wear a guise
A million and one tries

I once was quaking
My heart still shaking
You were mine for the taking
A new woman in the making

You drew the line
Ending our time
The bittersweet grime
It was a crime

Truth be told
I won’t grow old
Once mine to hold
I soon grow cold
never gets old
I felt god everywhere that night
In the intense winds
In the trees
In the rustling leaves
In the cigarette between my index finger and my middle
In the sprinklers that came on as I walked by and the huge storm of water they produced
I felt him in the flickering lantern outside my building and in the ground I walked on
God is here
Everywhere
I don’t know what he’s saying
I want to
Smoke another?
Turn in?
Find the broken tree and grab a limb?
Dig your grave it’s half past midnight and there’s no room for lovely souls at this time
I wrote this on April 16th, 2018 - perhaps the last and first time I felt god like this
Him
Him
Well, I guess it’s true.
It’s everything they say and all they don’t…or maybe won’t.
You’re too good to be true.
Beautiful in your own form.
I love every square inch.
Never known that before.
This is what they call it, this is what they say! I’m holding it! I’ve got it! Now please! Never let it fade away
This is about my first love.
I want to be in love.

I'm not picky, you'll do. I suppose.

I want to feel that splendor spell spill over my enchanted body.

I want you to love every inch of my body. That feeling where you just can't get close enough to someone. You pull them and squeeze them tight. You lay in bed all afternoon to trying to get your fix of that person but...

It's never enough.

And neither are you.
I want you to love me the way I want to be loved
Now I love going to bed at night, because it’s when I can see you. When we can spend time together in the endless expanse that is my mind. It’s always just you and me, smiling. I don’t have to miss you when I go to sleep, you’re always here with me.
You're still in my head.
It is both a pain and a blessing to think of you.
My heart feels like it solely beats for you.
Every blink of my eye, every flutter of my feet across the sidewalk seems to whisper your name.

I miss you so much and I wish I didn’t.
I wish I could cruise through the day without thinking of you constantly, waiting for the moment our lips will collide again.

Then again, I love to miss you. To think of you and wonder if you dream of me. It’s this dance that I’m in love with, that brings so much pain and uncertainty, along with this rush and thrill of blossoming love.
It hurts oh so good.
I slept worse last night. I was up until 4:30 in the morning crying and tossing and wishing you were there.

Food has lost its flavor. I've lost my appetite. For life, for love, for anything. It's not your fault. I just had a lot of stake in us. In us working.

The market went down hard yesterday. I'm the biggest loser out there. I owned 100% of the stock and now the company has been liquidated and none of the assets went to me. I got a B- in finance and an F in love.

I'm trying to listen to my gut and not my heart. My gut tells me this isn't the end, but my heart almost wishes it was.
The aftermath.

— The End —