There's a first for everything. First kiss, first love, first date, first time having ***. Usually first times are great. But in some cases they aren't. My first kiss was alright. I mean, it was in seventh grade and i thought it was perfect at the time. My first love was amazing until it ended. He was perfect; we were perfect together. First date was ******. It was in Ninth grade and neither of us could drive. Also, neither of us really had money so it was horrible. First time having *** was okay. The summer before senior year with one of my best friends. It really wasn't at all what everyone talks it up to be. But do I regret it? No. Do I regret anything that has happened to me? Not at all. All of my first times make me who I am.

To the boy, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I ****** up. I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong. I'm sorry i waited to tell you. I'm sorry I'm not the best. To my parents, I'm sorry I've ****** up my life. I'm sorry I hate myself. I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect child. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry that you spent money for therapy that was pointless. I'm sorry I make wrong decisions. I'm sorry I don't show you I love you enough. To my best friend, I'm sorry you've put up with me this long. I'm sorry I was dumb. I'm sorry I hurt myself. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that you don't believe me when I say I love you. To myself, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my life is going down hill. I'm sorry I hate everything about myself. I'm sorry I destroy my body. I'm sorry I have scars everywhere. I'm sorry I don't love myself enough to want to live. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.

Everyone has their own group of friends that they depend on. Occasionally, those groups will change. The group of friends I have right now make me happy. They make me feel better about myself and I feel like that's what good friends are supposed to do. Yesterday, my friends and I went to a lake/beach and it was a blast. Everyone was having fun and it was great. My three best friends have helped me and I appreciate everything they've done for me. I don't know if they are completely aware how much impact they have on my life but they really do. Thank you guys so much.

There's this mountain that you can hike up. There's a spot where you can see the whole valley. It's beautiful. When I'm up there, I feel invincible. I'm higher than everyone and no one can ruin my mood. Normally, people hike up there with someone they really care about. The last time I did, I went with a boy that I really like. We were sitting at the top and I was looking over the valley. He was sitting there looking at me. I asked him why he was looking at me and he said "You're really pretty. You're desirable." When he said that, I realized that we have different opinions of things that are beautiful. I was admiring the view of all the lights and he was admiring me. He is great.

There are hundreds of stereotypes. In my opinion, the most true one is about cheerleaders. Honestly, every cheerleader I have ever met is a *****. They will tear you down to where you're nothing and you hate yourself. I have had a bad experience with a cheerleader. The reason she got mad at me was because I ACCIDENTALLY stepped on the back of her flip flop. I apologized but she didn't care and gave me a ***** look. Luckily, I have a pretty good friend in that class and he kind of stuck up for me and called her a name. She definitely lived up to that stereotype though. Maybe it's just pointless high school *******. I don't know. I ******* hate her.

Everyone has a best friend. They're the person that will do anything to see you smile. They'll always be there for you. They will be the one person that you can tell everything to and be completely comfortable with it. Maybe they'll make you mix tapes and surprise you with coffee and just want to hang out. If you're lucky, they'll stick with you no matter what. They can be that one person that you call at 3 A.M. crying because of a boy and they'll just listen. My best friend has brought me coffee unexpectedly, made me mix tapes, and let me complain to him at random hours throughout the night. I love him and i don't honestly know if he realized how much i really do care for him.

It sits on your shoulder as if it is your friend. You think that the things it is making you think are okay and normal. You're also a vulnerable kid that doesn't know what is really right from wrong. It can make you think that putting a knife to your wrist is okay because you're just releasing all of the pain and stress that has built up. Or that taking pills and doing drugs is okay because it takes your mind off of the sadness. Eventually, it will make you tell yourself that you don't matter and no one will miss you if you're gone. When it finally wins over your mind and you end up with pills in your stomach and your wrists stained red, people will finally start to realize how sad you really were. This society that we live in is so ****** up that kids are only really noticed if they're pretty or dead.

You will have good days where you're in the best mood and you just want to hang out with your friends and listen to good music and just chill. You will have really ****** days where you just want to lay in bed and cry or listen to sad, depressing music. Maybe on those bad days, you will think about the fact that maybe you aren't as important as people make you seem. Maybe on those bad days, you will contemplate suicide and tell yourself you don't mean ****. Even though it doesn't seem like it, those bad days will come to an end. Someone will set off a spark in your life and you will realize that all of the bad days you had were small bumps in the road. But, you won't ever know if you find that person if you only concentrate on the bad days and do end up thinking about suicide and actually act on it. Basically, as a teenager we need to focus on the good days and the people that make us happy so we don't let the sadness win.