You don’t seem like the one

who would leave before the sunrise

                                    before the day begins

                                    before the world wakes up.

But somehow, I brace myself for the worst.

I just picture your silhouette

walking

farther away from

my side

and closer to

another side

of the world,

          a place I’ve never seen

          and will never go.

Maybe you’ll say,

     “I’ll be right back,

            five, maybe ten minutes?”

And I’ll know.

But I can pretend-

and I’ll hold my breath

            slowly count to sixty

                    five times.

                    ten times.

                    thirty times.

                                      over five hundred-thousand times-

because I trusted you.

I thought I knew you.

But then again-

                                      I guess I didn’t really know you at all.

Do you ever really know anyone

until they show you

a side of them

you’ve never seen before?

There is a difference between

giving and taking.

There is a difference between

losing and giving.

Taking something?

Negative. Like stealing.

Losing feels like an accident.

“oh, I lost my pencil.”

Giving…

that means a gift.

“Here, I’m giving this to you. Please take special care of it.”

You didn’t take

anything

from me.

I didn’t lose anything that you just happened to pick up.

I gave it to you.

A gift from me to you.

Maybe

One day

I’ll change my mind

I’ll re-examine the facts

recall all the details.

Just because its me-

I have to analyze

and re-analyze

every piece

of the situation.

it’s in my blood.

Of course

maybe

I’ll still decide that it was

a gift

from me to you.

Maybe

after all the flashbacks

I will decide

There is no regrets

For now

now

It is a gift.

I guess when you finally lay it all out

Like pairs or spades or hearts

The deck looks the same as it did

Before you removed a few cards.



I guess when you finally throw out the words

Like an old thought scribbled down on paper

The words never reach anyone else’s eyes

So they never really existed.



I guess when you finally let it all go

Like the balloon you accidentally released

It was never a part of your life long enough

To leave that empty space in your chest.



I guess when I finally let you go

I can breathe in the world again

Even though no one will ever notice

Since you were never mine at all.