im sorry i lived
and continue on living
with screws to hold me

i can take pictures of the sunset again
i can ****** up a moment and hoard it as a memory
i can die
i want to
i want to

when will the sunset end
moments are forever when your eyes have gone
to glass in your head

my head hurts and the pills didn't make me sleep
i can't wait for this sunset to ******* end

nothing is must be are is when nothing
but nothing is felt and seen and touched
and felt and tasted and by ******* god
touched
with things that cling
and bear down on skin like teeth
and gum and jaw and little things
that **** through skin and let you know
they're listening and
touched and felt and
******* seen

i do not only grow
up

i grow out and around and
over myself like a ****.
i grow in ways that contort
and confuse and construe.

i do not only grow
up.

i grow in ways that begged to be pruned
and i grow downwards into the below.
i grow set and seated and still.

i do not only grow
up.

i grow and grow and grow
and i can't tell if ive grown any taller
but i think that is ok.

they have trimmed me and stemmed me
and tried to pull me from my place.
but that is ok.

i do not only grow
up.

what do you do when the light at the end of the tunnel is there ?
i always tell me to get there but never what
to do when im standing in it ?
what do you do when it's too bright to see ?
when my pupils burn and strain and stretch like skin ?
what do i do with all this light ?
and the tunnel left behind me ?

flecks in my ***** that look like pine needles
ever mean ever green ever
pouring out of me

i hope you keep hurting
but that hope
means I have to
too