He has unravelled me.
All that work
Of building myself up,
Tying strings
Around my heart
To stop it from falling apart again,
Sticking back together
The cracks in my lungs,
Has been undone.

Someone once told me
To count the night
By the stars,
But I would much rather
Make maps from
The constellations
On your skin.

Let me rip pages
     out of my world
          and scatter them
                around your life.

This is it,
Time to say goodbye.
The last time I'll ever feel everything, nothing,
Something
For you.
And oh, how I'll miss it
But not as much as your eyes
In the morning,
Bleary and confused,
And that smile when you realised
Just how happy I was
Waking up next to you.

And then it became clear:
I was very good at not getting out of my head.
Ever.
Building thoughts
More complex by the second
Until I was lost in the maze in my head.
Unable to escape from the labyrinth of thoughts
And words
And visions of your face.

My heart
is a map
which always leads me back
to
you.

I guess we will never know
What was said
During those 3am phone calls
You were always too drunk,
I was always too drowsy.

I guess they can be
Our lost conversations
The content kept secret,
Even from ourselves.

I guess if you ever miss me
You can find me,
Somewhere,
In those 3am moments
It's just you and I,
Alone,
In the black night.