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Katie Ann Dec 2015
I've been disappointed a lot in my life
but blessing myself inside your arms
that was my best place.
that was my only place.

Watching you fall apart has been
the longest fall from a pedestal
and by far the most painful

You've slowly become someone you weren't
in the most grotesque way possible

You are the reason I'm still here
am I yours now?
I can be yours now.
because you were my everything
now I'm your only thing
and I'm afraid I've lost you forever
and I'm sure I've lost you forever

I've watched you desperately grasp at life
while death is creeping in
And I've lost so much more than a person
And I can live with this pain
but can you?

I'm not sure so I'll never tell you
I could never tell you
I will just keep loving than man you were
and caring for the man you are

And every now and then when I see you
when I can catch you in a lucid moment
I weight of that clarity
                of my love
is      
              crushing.

I just wish you would come home.
Because watching you get sick was hard
but watching you get sad was worse.
and watching you turn your light off
was the worst thing that never happened to me.

Because I've lost
I've lost my super hero
               my happy place
              my moral compass
               my rock
               my teacher
              my innocence
              my dad.
Katie Ann Dec 2015
Why are crushes so crushing?
Is that how they got their name?

Or is it from the crushing reality
that I could love you?

I've got this crush all wrong
There is no rhyme or reason
and especially no way

I think I just want to love
and you happen to be perfectly wrong
while being perfect and there

Maybe I'm just desperate for someone
Anyone
To be
There

And I know you're not The One
but can't a girl pretend?

I think I'm just going to keep pretending
And watch my pretend heart be broken
Like watching an awful movie
I can't look away, I can't stop myself

Its been so long I've forgotten
my own terrible nature
of romanticism and obsession

It the worst kind  of
combination to my heart

I can love more deeply than any person should
And I build to such heights
the only way down is devastating
the only way down is inevitable

I only do it to the impossible
Reality hits too many walls

While my dreams permeate right through
Katie Ann Dec 2015
numb
all I feel is nothing
I can’t remember where I left the bottle
I had to be stoic
just for the look
they all said
that is the most important part
just play the art
for them, not me
because that is how to be
professional
supportive
give them a shoulder
and keep him wet
so his skin doesn’t fall off
they noticed he was peeling
and didn’t shed a single tear
not in that uniform
because we are professional
because we are military
because we are militant
we do what we are told
we don’t have a choice
yes you can cry
in the bathroom
but not for too long
not in that uniform
we are uniform
they are more numb than me
and he doesn’t feel a thing
I wonder if he ever did
I’m afraid his face will haunt me forever
Michael
Katie Ann Dec 2015
its all a mind game
a mind set
you can’t buy one of those
I think I’ve tried

a set of minds
buy one get one at costco
what a deal
one is pink
and filled with flowers
nothing inside there but pretty pretty flowers
you can take it to the salon
and shopping at walmart
and to football games
it only loves other pink minds
pink minds think alike
and they don’t have a lot to think
they are smiles and heterosexual
they are long lashed and cis and enjoy the company of the one percent
they have only occupied luxury vehicles and say sorry too often
they say sorry for the wrong reason
they love being pink
because grey is so drab

because grey matter is deep
grey matter is filled with relentless and unforgiving thoughts

what an idea
to have an idea
this is an idea: grey matter is filled with love and respect and progression and the better
and lets do better
lets put all the grey matter together
mush it up into one of those smoothies and it turns green of course
now we add some glitter and love and see it turn purple
maybe even add some pink matter cause everyone needs a little 1%
cause everyone can find their 1%

(O.M.G. my 1% is showing)
but its okay cause we can do better
just raise a glass and drink our differences
so we can have more togetherness
Katie Ann Oct 2015
wrap me in your swift tundrels
sweep me off my feet
I’m caught in your spinning web
I am yours, sweet defeat
there is no escape quite like this
take me into your bliss
I am your love
        your loss
       your triumph
       your despair
I am the sword in your hilt
I am the blue in your fire
I am in love with your hero
I am your hero
I am not me
I am lost in not me
I am blinded in imagination
Lost and then found in your story
I am a tangled mess in your arms of words
and don’t let go
I have finally forgotten I am
and all I know is your touch
Your whispered willow of truth
Katie Ann Oct 2015
we are soaking wet, we tumble into the tent, naked and hot and so wet.
we giggle as the air clings to our bare skin.
we are trapped in our cave and have never been more free.
nothing else can matter.
not the hot dogs in the rain, now roasting for no one
not the man mourning his dwindling fire, a standoff with Mother
nothing else could matter.

we are in our cave until we aren’t and that is all that matters.
no cigarettes to be smoked,
no drugs to be sniffed ,
no ***** to be drunk,
only two giggle girls gone calm.
so calm and so serene and so alive
no Man matters
just two beautiful women flowing with their moon in the moonlight.
just laying and giggles and.
oh i hope that rain doesn’t stop.
cause we have gone mad
we’ve forgotten all the bad and sad and
what it means to be self conscious and
how to be cool and what about the economy.

and we’ve remembered what rain feels like.
and we’ve remembered how to be rain.
because we are wet and smiles and fluid and warm and perfect.
we are perfectly rain.
and this is my place.

we left all hope and fear and desires
and hot dogs and tampons outside the cave.
and **** tampons.
we are rain and we are flowing.
and the cave made rules:
what is outside the cave stays outside,

especially tampons.

the cave is for flowing and flowers,
and we are naked and wet and ha.ha.ha. hot
and have never been more free.

and in that moment i’ve actually forgotten
that outside this tent is not my place,
our cave led me to the faerie land of our tent
and i’ve never been more in love
with the idea that this could be my place.

— The End —