It is 1943 and the world has ended as we once knew it.

I drive you to the air strip in the rain.

Purple dusky shadows slide across the strip.

I am wearing strong leather shoes with ties.

I am hoping they hold me stable.

We get out and walk towards the waiting plane.

I look back at our sturdy little Studebaker.

It pales next to the plane.

A waft of chanel rises from my neck.

Do you smell it?

We climb the ramp, you holding your luggage.

We look at each other. What do we say now?

"There will always be Portland?"

Who ever heard of the small West Coast town?

You are covered in uniform. I desperately try

to get my green leather gloves off.

I look at the small emerald ring.

At least I have something.

I want to touch your face but you scare me.

Your air force uniform and hat are so intimidating.

I hear the engines; the propellers start to turn.

A gust of air hits me and my hair is tangled.

Are you going to kiss me? Or, do I kiss you?

Stupid. Why don't we speak?

War is unreal. But, I'm going to work in a shipyard.

We already have black outs. Fear has a distinctive odor.

At least I'm not pregnant. So many women are.

They are counting on America. America is young

and full of grit and  bravery and heroism.

You touch me. You are going. You kiss my cheek.

I recoil like I was slapped. Your face turns ashen.

You disappears inside the plane. I hurry done the ramp.

I hurry to our car: your car. I sit in the old brown seat.

and wait. The plane takes off. Up into a misty darkness.

I expect it to explode. I turn the ring around and around

on my finger till it hurts. I finally feel something. Pain.

I start the car and head towards the highway.

Traveling down the road I begin to relax and suddenly

I feel relief. It is over and I will go back to life again.

And you are flying into death....

We wait for the rain to flatten loves blossoms.

The frail liquid that runs down our cheeks.

The ravens oily feathers slick with rain.

The sheets on the line sagging downward.

We turn our faces upwards and open our lips.

Rain tastes of love now and over...

Holding each other as if the world is ending.

Because we know in our tangled dreams

And nightmares it really is...

Will the rain stop beating down as our hearts?

Will the birds lie unburied?

We  kiss in desperation and frustration.

Shivering in the mist that rises and the vines

that coil around our bodies.

A sparrow flies out of your mouth.

The vines grow tighter.

The rain has stopped and all that's left

is a dreadful silence.

Our world has ended.

Birds were the last surviving dinosaurs.

It is the things we don't speak about
the lies we hide in silence
Petrified trees of ice like our
frozen souls
Truth comes bursting
with an orange glory
The veil of discontent
revealed in the sun

The road is long my friend, my friend

Longer still until the end

It makes us ***** and sadness filled

Each time we try to climb that hill

We stumble in ruts that stab our souls

We look for light but darkness fills

All the places our hearts desire

Angry we feel full of fire

If only a kind hand would extend

And help us climb towards the end....

I am with the crazy ladies

who sit giggling in the loony bin.

We pick at our skin, our clothes;

we wiggle and yawn.

Heads wobble, jaws drop

tongues dart in and out

green canvas slippers cover

our toes.

Know this! I don't belong here.

Waiting for the pill cart

after eating prunes.

We shuffle back to our sterile

blue rooms.

I crawl on the floor.

My tiny ******* are sore.

I think a lot about death.

Someone shouts, "Get up, you're a mess."

I am the duchess of death.

They should beware.

I was a sleep-monger once.

Queen of a pill condition;

planting bombs in my brain.

They will transform me here.

Not before I get to the ****** Islands.

Where I will take off all my clothes

and paste prunes on my *******.

What news do you have about

the last twelve weeks?

Hurry up! I'll be leaving soon.

You smell of sea salt

and the sea an evil green

your lips are cold

i look out the window

rain blinds me

fog rises from the brine

of ghosts

dead sailors

lost souls

lies

i do not dare look

at you

seaweed wraps around

your neck

snakes slither

out your mouth

a sailor of intrigue

deception

i pull the woolen

tight to my stone

body dead womb

freezing

the bed is rising

i am floating

towards

death

death of love

the worst death

wear your casket

sailor suit

wear it back into the

fog and sea

i won't hear

from you

you will be dead

alive somewhere

with someone

not me

i will strangle

the pain

and let my womb

bleed

i will bathe it in

sea water

and spit out the

lies

into night

and fog and sea

I watched you

many times

eating an orange

in the shade of the cypress trees

beside the freeway

in the tall wet grass

I watched you

carefully peel the orange

skin

dropping the peels

in a little sack

How tidy yet unpretentious

you are

I watched you plump

each orange slice

into your pouting mouth

I could see your face

savor the **** yet sweet

juicy orange liquid briefly

touch your lips and

your small darting tongue

lick it away

You savor the orange

like a primal ritual as

you brush your blond hair

away from your face

Satisfied you put your garbage sack

in your satchel

and slyly glide out into the

blazing sun hair gleaming

bright colored skirt swaying

A secret smile on your

beautiful face

I will watch you

as many times

as many times as

you bring an orange

to this place

I will watch you

always