I dont wanna be like this
Overthinking every thing
I wanna be careless and free
But I cant let go of certain things
Obssesing thoughts
Running in circles in my mind
Picking the bad guys
I need to stay grounded
I need to let go of the past
I need to let people be
I cant live like this
I feel like Ill never be happy
That nothing is enough
I cant get rid of my anxiety
I need drugs to stay sane
I need more things to live and survive
My life is not enough
I close my heart to anyone I know
I cant sleep at night
My heart is shattered
I dont know what to do with myself

Have you ever wanted someone so bad, you forgot who you were?
Forgive yourself once more
Life is more than you know
I write all these words
Forget about sociopaths, so long
Now It makes sense
I never left
I never let you go
Now I understand
I need to love myself

You said I was special and like no one else
But you lied
You said you didnt loved her and you lied again
I feel so hurt by your lies
I dont get how I get mistreated if I wasnt the one who cheated?
How am I suppose to believe in you?
How can. I TRUST people again?
I dont wish you die but I hope you get what Karma has for you
Hurting good people just cause you were hurt before
Makes a bad person, my love

Who am I suppose to be? Not free
Not loved or without pain
Just a recklace soul with a troubled mind
And peace is nowhere to find
How come this world is only good for some?
How come I dont get a light on the road?
Just steping stones
Cast a rock at the cross
Till death due us part
My death is unknown until I can resist
My life and the hardships
Just know I did my best to let go

I'm asking that you give the same in return
The same love I give with all the passion that I know
I just see promises burned
You surely have a group of friends that you can count on
But when you are feeling weak, you reach out to me
But when I'm feeling alone, you don't call at all
I've always felt rejected since I was a toddler
By you, by everyone I know
Now, as an adult, the same feelings
I don't know how to deal with rejection
It's like I can't get passed it
That I'm never the one to call
I'm never that person you want to spend your time with
My heart is shattered, I feel so alone
I just wanted, a sister, a brother, a lover to call my own

I wish I had a son and a daughter
So I could teach him how to always care for eachother
I never had that
Felt rejected since birth
My sister grew up and stayed away from me
Now being alone is all I see
Those relationships made me unwell
But now I can do what I can and help who I can
Change is always good but the chance must be in you
Leave those worries behind
Just enjoy whoevef you have in your life

I was only 16 and I had seen you once more with your fist on my mom.
Such a macho thing to do, such a savage
With no remorse you beat her up
I had nowhere else to go, I wasnt going to hide in the closet no more
I felt that I needed to defend my mom
I said, "please stop!" But you ran towards me with rage and attacked me also.
You hit me hard but not hard enough
I still remember that day as the tears fall down from my face
I thought I had let this go
I thought I was okay since you called the next day and said what you regret
You could barely speak, your voice was broken
I forgive you ,I do
I dont know what you went through, that made this you.

Being in love feels like a slow death
Like our lives going to shreds
This heavy breathing feels as if life has no meaning
I hope I don't sound so depressed
I swore I'd never write about you, I swore I would forget
I kept myself busy, but all pain was still there it never went away
And I'm missing you like crazy
I wrote this stuff on my phone, It reminds me of all the things you did that hurt me, but still with that info on my mind
I can get lost in time
Thinking about the memories we left behind
Cliche? oh well, Love is a nuisance
Thousands of words I've written about you
Then erased each and every one of them
I thought you didn't deserve my words, my tears,
My sleepless nights
But I need this
I need to write it down
The hidden treasures of your hugs
The way you held me, I was never held like that before
I don't know if I'm in love with the idea of love
Because loving you feels like a hoax

I cant believed you cared about how far I went
I cant believe you made a joke about everything I said
I dont understand the efforts you made
If my pants got ***** you didnt care
I kept over thinking these things in my head
Like a movie, like a story that never ends
But today is sunday and I still care
We never went fowards
We only went backwards
You said you didnt want trouble
Eventually i'll become a memory
This conection that felt so real
Wanting to move up but holding on instead
But you brought confusion
I sent you a video and a song
You never had time for them
Was it all in my head?
What went wrong started again
Its stupid I know, I only think about her

Is happiness a state of mind? It's hard to find
Open yourself to the trees of life
The earth is here at your sight
Welcome peace and be alive
You only need yourself this time
It's you, who you've been looking for
Please raise your voice while you sing that song
Forget about your blues
Today is what you have
Overthinking, my ***
Learn to enjoy what you have

I was happy
I was stable
I met someone who made me laugh
And I woke up
None of it was true
Im all alone
No one to hold
No one to carry my burdens for me
I tried carrying yours because I know what It feels like to carry them on your own
Reality sets in
Im afraid
I wont get to see my dreams come true
It doesnt matter what you do you wont get the same in return
Someone will always take your place
You're not special
Your house doesnt feel like a home
Each day you question your worth
Am I good enough? Am I worthy of love?
I cant carry on living
I might as well just shut down
Time flies
My worries dont
They stay with me until I cry myself to sleep
Heaven is a place I dont belong

With upcoming Christmas and fall
comes these headaches
They wake me up, they tear me down
I never seem to get rid of them
They get stronger and stronger with time
There's no cure, just a painful sunrise
Not trying to be a victim here, but you feel so alone
No one understands, only a few will experience them
I long for the day where I don't get to feel like I do every day
At least I wish, I had someone by my side who would hold and tell me everything will be alright
Life is hard, it gets harder
My eyes hurt, I feel sick,
I feel vertigo and chills
And no one knows how to stop them
I just accept this hollow ride
My dear migraines
Don't leave me here to die

I remember as a kid you suffered a lot
You pushed me away
I thought you hated my guts
You said I wasn't good enough
I felt like that for a while
Little did I know those feelings stayed with me till this age
Now, I can only accept crumbs from people that don't deserve me
Mom, I forgive you because you didn't know better
You just expressed the anger that you felt
I wanna learn how to love myself
And feel valuable again
I know you've changed
I know you want the best for me
I need to let the past go and this is the reason I write you this poem

I want to write about joy
I want to remember how I felt weeks ago
I want to be thankful
But why does this feel so painful?
Why cant I see rainbows?
Life is so beautiful but we always focus on the pitiful
My heart and my soul feel alone
But I wanna find peace on my own
Not thinking about what Im lacking
Or comparing myself with the masses
I wanna call happy my home
I want to leave these anxious thoughts
And start meditating more
And exercise a bunch
Today I cried but tomorrow I want to kiss the sky

Some days I feel fine, like the world is alright
Summer time is my jam
But my feelings I cannot tell
They are not the same each day
Somedays I dream of them
And my love is not defined by what you say or by how you act
But by the level of rejection that you provide
Im filled with traumas and feeling unkind
My heart is huge but this love it shuts down with time
I get bored I cant unwind but when we are apart I just dont feel fine

I once wrote a millions songs about you
I stopped
I thought if I did I will erase you from my memory
I havent forgotten you
But not in a good way
The way you left and I crumbled away
I will always regret
Letting you in and feeling sorry for the way you were hurt cause you didnt care that I was hurting as well
I treated you like I never have anybody else
And still you chosed to walk away
Leave your ring behind
You said you'd come back to get it
That was september 2023
We never spoke again
You never reached out
You left me broken
You left me like you never cared
And that hurt like hell
I was selfless, I cared
I gave you everything I had
And still that wasnt enough for you
Now. I cant open up
I want to be alone
And now I understand
The person who hurt you did no wrong

I play this music and it brings me something
Something that I cannot find in the silence
The void that I'm feeling tastes like misery
The missing people, the broken feelings
This sorrow might be gone tomorrow
But today is all I have and I feel hollow
I got things going on but I still hear nothing
That sound, that moment in time
Feels like iron in my mouth
Then I think it's all in my mind
These thoughts I hide
Another day, another hardwired pessimistic outlook on life
Please, let it all be gone any time soon
I wanna feel the music and I want to hear the birds singing in tune
I want it all, I wanna be free.

Can people let me say whatever I want?
Can I just write without any judgement on your part?
This is therapy for me
I just express what my heart wants
Its not to hear a reply or for you to give me advice
I know what my flaws are
I know I need to help myself
But can you just stop commenting your thoughts?

It's tough to feel this pain
Without any reason or someone to explain
I lie awake thinking it was my mistake
I come to dream the daith will heal my head
But for some reason today I got a migraine
It seems to help everyone but myself
Should I be paying this, is it my fate?
I feel like there's a spell somewhere
I'm damaged, my friend
And on this sleepless night
I cry, I dont wanna fell like a victim
But Im tired of trying, of surviving
Of being in pain and trying to hide it
And people dont understand when I explain
I feel so alone again

I keep waking up at 4m
I don't know how, I don't know when
My life got this way
I'm constipated again
Anxiety keeps kicking in
I'm holding back the tears
I'm tired , oh dear
I don't know what I did in the past life to deserve this
Sometimes I don't wanna live
4 am, can you please tell me what's going on?
Can you please show me the meaning of this world?
Why can I just accept this cortisol?
4 am, you're being poetic but I'm not in love
So why can you just wait until my alarm goes off?

They seek me, they hungry for change
Bloodsucking pervs
In love with my veins
Destroying my life
They come with lies
And they will always want a yes
They wanna win or they rather die
They think I will not cry but If I do they don't mind
I don't know what it is about me
They hunt me until they succeed.

I'm not a doctor, I'm not a wife
I'm not a mother, I never received those flowers at night
You said you love me but you lied
You don't know what love is
No, you're not afraid to lose me, no you did not cry
But when I told you I would tell her, you said you wanted to die
I don't have any money, we shared so many things
But in the end, it's not enough for you dear
I'm always fun, I'm always kind, I always help anyone I can
I know my value but for some reason, no one wants that
I was never chosen, no one ever picked me, I'm always a sidekick
I'm tired of heartbreaks, of picking the wrong guys
I'm finally saying goodbye to you all
All the people that hurt me and are still in my life
I know I'm strong, I know I'll get through this
I beg you universe, I've learned my lesson
I'm tired of crying of acting like a fool
Please bring me someone that's cool
I dont want nothing at all, I just want to not hurt so much

Keep doing your thing
Say no again
All over again
It hurts now but it will be better eventually
Always say no
This isnt worth it
Everything wil work out
Just say goodbye
My heart will cry
You cant do this to her
You cant do this to love
It hurts either way
Everything will be okay
Just forget about him today
And do it tomorrow agaun
Im sorry I have sinned but I wont go to hell
I will stay
I will fade away

Im not a good gal
I want what I cant have
I lust after that
There's nothing I want more than to see you again
I know Im not yours but I wish I were
My heart doesn't care about what you did last month or a year ago
My mind only knows that this needs to stop
But I cant say no
I cant walk away
I'm so addicted like a ****** on *******
And I hate myself for this
I wish I was stronger and true
But Im just a beggar like you