They seek me, they hungry for change
Bloodsucking pervs
In love with my veins
Destroying my life
They come with lies
And they will always want a yes
They wanna win or they rather die
They think I will not cry but If I do they don't mind
I don't know what it is about me
They hunt me until they succeed.

I keep waking up at 4m
I don't know how, I don't know when
My life got this way
I'm constipated again
Anxiety keeps kicking in
I'm holding back the tears
I'm tired , oh dear
I don't know what I did in the past life to deserve this
Sometimes I don't wanna live
4 am, can you please tell me what's going on?
Can you please show me the meaning of this world?
Why can I just accept this cortisol?
4 am, you're being poetic but I'm not in love
So why can you just wait until my alarm goes off?

I'm not a doctor, I'm not a wife
I'm not a mother, I never received those flowers at night
You said you love me but you lied
You don't know what love is
No, you're not afraid to lose me, no you did not cry
But when I told you I would tell her, you said you wanted to die
I don't have any money, we shared so many things
But in the end, it's not enough for you dear
I'm always fun, I'm always kind, I always help anyone I can
I know my value but for some reason, no one wants that
I was never chosen, no one ever picked me, I'm always a sidekick
I'm tired of heartbreaks, of picking the wrong guys
I'm finally saying goodbye to you all
All the people that hurt me and are still in my life
I know I'm strong, I know I'll get through this
I beg you universe, I've learned my lesson
I'm tired of crying of acting like a fool
Please bring me someone that's cool
I dont want nothing at all, I just want to not hurt so much

I want to write about joy
I want to remember how I felt weeks ago
I want to be thankful
But why does this feel so painful?
Why cant I see rainbows?
Life is so beautiful but we always focus on the pitiful
My heart and my soul feel alone
But I wanna find peace on my own
Not thinking about what Im lacking
Or comparing myself with the masses
I wanna call happy my home
I want to leave these anxious thoughts
And start meditating more
And exercise a bunch
Today I cried but tomorrow I want to kiss the sky

Woke up with anxiety in my bed
I can't leave my fears for dead
I keep thinking about things I don't have but I want
I keep thinking about being lonely instead
I wanna be positive and feel like the rest
I wanna be happy and joyful
But my thoughts won't leave me
They won't go
I wanna enjoy this vacation I wanted for so long
I need to exercise more
To in the present moment
But I have my energy underground
My piercing won't work
My headaches are saying hello
Life is hard but some people have it worse
Why can I just be thankful, oh Lord?!

It's tough to feel this pain
Without any reason or someone to explain
I lie awake thinking it was my mistake
I come to dream the daith will heal my head
But for some reason today I got a migraine
It seems to help everyone but myself
Should I be paying this, is it my fate?
I feel like there's a spell somewhere
I'm damaged, my friend
And on this sleepless night
I cry, I dont wanna fell like a victim
But Im tired of trying, of surviving
Of being in pain and trying to hide it
And people dont understand when I explain
I feel so alone again

I try to shut the demons that cry
I try to make you feel safe
I try to manifest that you are okay
But it never seems to help
I have done reiki, meditation, and more
Still, you feel like you don't deserve anything at all
I'm tired of living with your shadow
Since I can't control that you are so shallow
Please help me figure out what is it that you want
How can I heal this heart of mine
That you are so attached
I can't disconnect from you or the past
I wish I could turn back time
To prevent the feeling when you felt like you needed to die