He led me upstairs
They seemed so steep
We kissed at the door to his bedroom
before moving to the bed; it was small but I didn't mind.

My dress had a zipper at the back, but it could easily slipped over my head
you unzipped it anyway and I laid down on my back
You kissed my lips, my neck, my chest, my shoulders.

You asked me if I was sure
I said yes.

He traced his fingers down my spine
my bare skin crawling with desire
I knew it was just ***
and I knew he did not love me
and I did not love him
but I still yearn for those moments
laying in my bed
with his skin on mine
in a state of utter dispassion

I don't love you anymore
and I think you know
and I would have loved you forever
if you could have let her go

We became acquainted with those dark nights
Laying on our backs in my backyard
We kept our distance

But I could see your chest moving up and down with every breath
and sometimes your long dark hair would be blown towards me, brushing my face
The silence of your thoughts was maybe the loudest sound I'd ever heard

Sometimes I could feel you crying
I never knew why
I never bothered to ask
Because you were the strong one, right?

Dear Henry,

Can you tell me anything about my father?

Mama told me my daddy was the Greek God of emotion (even though I now know there wasn't one) and he had to leave because he couldn't live on earth for more than 10 years, and by the time I was born, he had spent 9 of his 10 with my mother.

Mama used to tell me stories about him. It was rare, so when she did I drank up every word. She told me they used to dance when she was pregnant with me, and he would hold her so close she was scared he'd pop her belly and I'd fly out like an untied balloon that someone let loose. I always laughed at this, sometimes she'd join in and then I'd REALLY lose it. We'd  laugh until we cried and our stomachs hurt, and by the time we caught our breath, she was no longer in the mood to talk about her Greek God, and when I looked in her eyes I saw something that told me not to push, so I never did.

I later recognized it in  a photograph of myself, shortly after Eric left.

It was hurt.

See you soon,
KL