"Im sorry"
It happens everytime
I get excited about something
I talk too fast, and my words get jumbled, and its all in one breath and its all one big sentence
So i apologize again
Because that one time, that one guy told me i talk too much
That one time, that one girl told me she didnt care
That one time i was told i was less than and i fellt like i didnt matter, and so therefore, neither did my opinion
So im sorry
I choke down the words
Word *****
Sometimes it just come out
And there it is again "im sorry"
Do i know what im sorry for ?
No
But i was told, that one time, i talk too much
I was told, that one time, i was too loud
That one time, changed the next time
Im sorry
I just get excited
Why do you apologize so much?
In my head:
That one time someone laughed at my pain
That one time they said i was a spaz
That one time i started believing all of them
Out loud:
Im not sure, its a problem

Dear you,
Its been 5 years.
5 long yearsand it still feels like yesterday.
Like yesterday was my 12th test and the word "****", rolled off my tongue.
Like yesterday was the day I called him, told him, and he asked if it was his.
I can still feek the lump in my throat, as i choked down dinner, hiding a secret from everyone.
The lump in my throat that was a reminder, i had messed up my plans.
 I remeber laying in bed, praying god would take you from me.
I remember decidinf i would keep you.
I can still see the blood on my hands.
The blood that was, in my mind, now you.
Hearing the nurse say "there was nothing we could do"
Those words echo in my mind, always, haunting me.
I can still feel the pain from ripping the ivs out.
The pain, in my heart, that i didnt take care of us.
I remind myself i wasnt ready, almost always.
You would've been miserable.
Im not good with babies, ive never even changed a diaper.
None of this was my decision.
I shouldve cared more.
I shouldve taken better care of us.
You should know, im sorry.