unreality
such a part
of
reality
how can it be
unreal

I do not love you.

I fell in love with the way
You asked me to hold your hand
And you squeezed so tightly that
I couldn’t forget that you were there.
I love the way you lit up my sky with
More than just falling stars
And crescent moon spotlights,
But with those bright green eyes
And that sparkle in your smile.
I love the way you let me
Hold your arm
And mess up your hair
And sing you songs
And cry into your sweaters
And fall asleep against your shoulder
Like when I fell apart silently beside you.
And I think I fell in love when
You kissed my wrists because
I really don’t think you knew
How much that meant to me, did you?

I’ll swear to God that I’m not in love with you,
But that won’t keep me from falling.

I am alone
          surrounded and composed entirely of stardust
          and fragments of broken dreams-
it is exactly how I planned it to be
                         neat
                         but not in a rigid way with implied discomfort
                         just in a way where it is obvious I tried my best
The walls- finally stripped of needlepoint prayers
                 and instead layered with every word that has ever danced from my mouth
                   the smooth ones and the ones that taste like acid
                                   nothing is forgotten or laid aside
My body-
              a temple to myself
              desecrated in the most holy way
a sacrifice of skin
                     decorations of valor in a war against myself
     it is quiet
                  every thread I have ever plucked from the seams rips through the air as I come apart
                                                   again
             spilling tar and galaxies across everything
              I have ever known- a mess
I am alone
             but not in the way I am supposed to be