I can't trust,
for I am untrustworthy myself.
I'm aware of wrong,
for I have done wrong myself.
I can sense guilt,
for I am guilty myself.

Or, perhaps..it's just you.

A voice once said, Look at the stars
And tell me truthfully, what you see.

I said darkness
and things
We cannot fathom.
Some people say
all the bad things in life
Drift there and are forever held.
Like the stars are pieces of our past.
Isn't that why people look at the stars
thinking of all that has ever wronged them?

No, said the voice
Stars are not the pieces.
But are the reminder that
We choose to linger
We are of the absolute past.
Not seeing through the wrong
that is blocking what is and what is not.

"I Love you." Says his lips.
"Always" Shows his eyes.
"Does she understand how much?" His mind asks.

"Forever."  Her ears hear.
"Happiness." Her eye's read.
"Grow old with me." Her mind Responds.

"Forever and ever, and then some more." Whispers their hearts.

I often wonder why I was put on this earth.
What is my purpose, I ask myself.
When will I make my mark.

Then I realise Its hard to say anything
Without the muscles in my cheeks
Turning upward into something you
say to be beautiful.  

This is why I exist.

I smile when its not needed.
I smile simply because it makes
you happy.
And I'll keep doing it.
Until I can smile no longer.

People come and go
Most of the time on their own accord.
Just like cars passing on the street in front of your house.

Where they go we can't know.
If we did, surely it would break our hearts.

We just know that it happens
so often that we get use to it.
Just like the sound of tires on pavement
Completely aware, yet oblivious.

But you don't know where he's going
And if you did, surely it would break your heart.
Just hope he's coming back.

I fear of dying,
from growing complexity.
Leaving complications due to things
that I've left undone.
If I was simplistic enough,
Everything would be fine.
But you see dear,
I just haven't got the time.

I am penitent.

People never understand the analogy about the ones who become bottles.
That collect thoughts and past memories and than one day
Simultaneously explode.
Until the day it happens to them.

Body shakes from anger.
Don't cry.
Rising.
Making its presents known.
Attacking your chest.
Don't cry.
Every muscle touched
Tences.
Head pounding from thoughts
of hopelessness.
Please, don't cry.
Pride refuses to show remorse.
Heart aches.
Don't...

Mind says "Its not your fault,
you didn't ask for this,
you can break down now."

Anger reaches your throat
Its almost over now.
Reason steps in,
just in time.
" Don't do anything stupid,
its not your time, let it out
you'll get better you always do"

Liquid sorrow reaches its mark
Spilling over like silent waterfalls,

like a bottle filled to the very tip
shaken, then released.
*Why...

I press my fingers to the ivory keys, pursing my lips tightly. I hear the sound of a B flat. Such a extraordinary sound. I continue, each random note I played, it felt as if my soul was starting to stir.  My face relaxed with each tentative stroke of the keys. Release. Exhaling slowly as I make the notes into feeling. I wasn't merely playing an instrument. I was turning feelings of a deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness into sound. Breathtakingly, devastating and remorseful, but beautiful sound. Every painful and heart ripping memory is flowing from my mind into my hands, pooling in my finger tips as I played. I did not stop, images flashed of my mothers face when she had told me my father was dead. I quickened the pace of my playing, Hoping they would leave as fast as
they came. Becoming lost, I smiled twistedly in insanity. My music became dark, the room around me was an eerie silence except for the song coming from the piano.  This was my vita sonata. My life composition.

"What do you want?" He asked.
" Its not that simple" I say

It seemed like he stared in to my soul, he was searching for something.
Anything.
Soul searching?

"What do you want?"

Heavy breathing
My mind raced, what do I want?

Thoughts, pictures popped into my mind.

I want the rain to stop so I can see your beautiful face.
I want you to hold me and never let me go.
I want you to tell me, I'm the Dream Catcher to her Atari.
I want to wake up in one of your old t-shirts.
I want to hear your thoughts.
I want to hear you say I love you, and none other.
I want...
My head clear of you, I want to think about anything other than you.
I want to have my heart back..
I want the feeling of self pity to vanish.

" Something that isn't possible. "