Every year
September comes
I cringe
I loath the day
The day I came
Into life
Into hell
But today
Today I felt hope

I see all of these things
Things I have always longed to be
But they seem so far away
And at the same time I can taste them

My momma saw my scars
Scars I carved into my arms
She pretends that it's nothing
But worries when I stop speaking

I'm expected to be fine
Expected to live my life
To the standards of those who
Never took a second to get to know me

And they all think they know best
Best advice comes from experience
But they don't even know
What it is I'm going through

And they never
Ever
Will

I can't get these ******* voices in my head to stop.
I'm begging someone to just cut them out.
They keep screaming.
They keep whispering.
They won't leave me alone.
They torture me.
Someone please just get them out,
before I do.

Love is ******* sliding down your throat
Something to come out so bad you hope
No one will notice the stench you breathe
And your skin sticks to your bones for all to see.

Love is a blade dancing on your wrist
Scarring the skin that your lips once kissed
Blood leaking out dripping down your arms
‘cause no one ever warned you of this type of harm.

Love is a gun barrel on your teeth
Cold and complete in a solid piece
With a pull of a trigger it will all be well
‘cause you truly believe this is worse than hell

Love is a hand clamped down on your mouth
Hushing your words as you're screaming out
No one will help you if they can’t hear
So you might as well take it and deal with the fear

Love is a fist crashing with your head
Just one more blow ‘fore they leave you for dead
All your teeth crumble and lips they bleed
But they swear to you this is just what you need

One for saying that stupid thing.
One for feeling so ****** for no reason.
Two for being the grossest thing alive.
So many for the sake of feeling something.  
300 little cuts.
In places no one will see.
Covering me.
Scarring me.
Reminding me that this is not a dream.
I am alive.

I'm fine.
Happy even.
I do not cry for death any longer.
But I don't want to be here.
Not numb,
But feelings weak.
Like a smile plastered zombie running.
I felt so alive back then.
So low,
But I got high.
Emotional pendulum swinging.
Never stopping for a break.
Was it depression?
Or was I just confused?
Was I just feeling?
All I know is I don't,
and never will like
the way I feel.
Even with pills.