When people ask how old I am
I sometimes say 15,
Although i'm now 17.
Its like you left my world
And time stopped.
Ever since you vanished
I can't remember what year it is
I can't pinpoint our last normal conversation either.
You know,
Without the passive aggressive comments
And the unsaid pain we both exude.
Maybe time froze
During that final exchange
Because now I can't remember how old I am
And you can't remember how to talk to me.
We sit in this bitter moment,
In the middle of a conversation
That was never resolved.
My mind replays every breath
Every scream
I'm trapped in a fortress of your insults
A kingdom of your manipulation
You're miles away but I feel your energy.
I can't help but wonder
If maybe I spoke to you,
That time would move again.
But what if I remember how old I am
And you remember how to talk to me?
What if time never even stopped,
And i'm the one who froze.

We become so obsessed
With what ought to be
That the seasons change without
Our knowing
The leaves change into a deep orange
While the children daydream
About the snow covered streets
As if nature intended for our sleds to meet the ice
And the laughter to echos
And the snowflakes to dance on our window sills
But once the first snow falls
The children have already begun making
Spring break plans and waiting
For the bees to pollinate the wild flowers
But of course the birds lay their eggs and
Easter bunny comes and goes
Suddenly we crave beach trips and tanned legs
It is as if we desire what will be
And the beauty
Of what lies before us is
Lost
The seasons change and
Years pass and the children grow into adults that still
Crave a brighter future while their past is forgotten
Their present fades away
And they spend their days waiting for the stars to appear

I listen to songs to replay
How you made me feel
Im left in agony because you walked away
Now I don't believe love is real
I break my knuckles on the wall
You still say it's all my fault
I wonder if you are asleep and dreaming
What hurts the most is that I know you hear my screaming
Do you ever worry if i'm okay?
I often wonder if I could have made you stay
Isolation remains and the sun has risen
In your absence my heart became a warden and my mind became a prison