In the echoing sadness around me
voids grow wider
deflating more hearts
less hopeful, by the second

it's not the life I dreamt of
in the blackness of my childhood nights
the future glimmering before me - I was sure
a shining thing;

I could only imagine vibrant beauty,
abundance
possibilities for stunning joy
but

there are things outlined in the mist
vast and terrible
not foreseen
my innocent thoughts danced elsewhere

the only things I hoped for
have been stomped
to dust
by the villainous reality

It’s right there
Brilliance, passion, creativity
Taunting me –

Inspiration that ebbs and flows,
Its chroma too pale to recognize
Until greyness overwhelms again

I can feel the sharp corners
scratching against my grasping fingers
Can hear it somewhere nearby

Flirting with the cusp; chasing
wishing I could close my fingers around it
and just breathe

but the satisfaction looms
just out of reach
increasing the space between us

the sharpness of my gaze, its insistence to see
has no effect, can’t clear the fog
it never dissipates entirely

I try to muster up indifference
Rid myself of the desire
To move and to shake

And then this intense lack; the distant motivation
Would have no effect
Could not cause such distress

But it’s out of my hands
I’m stuck
In the place between inspired
and colorless

see? This is why –
To take a slow deep breath
is beauty alight
she’s on the raw edge of subtext
questioning
and under the surface
pages wait to be written
they radiate through her
drape over, covering
engulfing her frame
but –
she feels relief
with a slow deep breath
her whitened knuckles
release control
and she is breathing
the pages are there
they wait to be filled
but not
by her